


Infinity Hill

by TheWonderYears



Category: Naruto
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-31
Updated: 2015-12-31
Packaged: 2018-05-10 13:29:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 56,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5587765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWonderYears/pseuds/TheWonderYears
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sasuke was used to dealing with the unpredictable, but this was just ridiculous.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello Everyone! I'm the Wonder Years! If anyone is on both sites, I come from FF.Net (under the same name!) and you might recognize some tales from over there that now are going to be over here! This is one of my later, and favorite, works so I hope you enjoy!

**1.**

Here he sat, high up in a Konoha penthouse suite, wrinkling his suit that cost more than a middle-class salary due to his slouch. If his mother glanced over from her circle of gossiping friends, he knew she would send him a deep frown and a slight narrow of the eyes. He couldn't bring himself to care.

Yes, Uchiha Sasuke, second child of Fugaku and Mikoto Uchiha, brother of Itachi and Head Reporter at Channel 15 news, was not sitting up straight and drinking heavily.

Not only was he chugging down his fifth-or maybe sixth? - Glass of unidentified brown liquor, he was also brooding. Not his regular I-hate-the-world-and-everyone-in-it brooding. No, this was a special kind. This was the kind that came after a horrible breakup with a certain black-haired son-of-a-bitch that he had stuck with for six years, six long years full of petty arguments and taking off work to come to his stupid art shows so he could sell his mediocre art to poor suckers with even poorer tastes. This was the kind that kept him up at night, the kind the made him realize that he'd pretty much wasted his early twenties on a man the leeched off his success and then had the gall to whine about how Sasuke never had enough time for him.

Was it Sasuke's fault that, not only did he travel for work, covering hurricanes and world issues alike, but also have a wealthy, known family that always made him attend these charity events nearly once a week? Hell, what did Sai even have to complain about? He was the one loved these type of things, always clinging to Sasuke so he could get in good with all of Fugaku's rich friends so they could add the Sai's coin purse. He did everything for him. Everything. Sasuke couldn't believe that Sai would just-just leave! On a Wednesday no less. It used to be Sasuke's favorite day, being the halfway point through the week and all. But now all he hated it. Just like everything else.

Sasuke pulled himself out of his own thoughts. No use in mulling over it now. He had old ladies to smile at and appearances to uphold. He stood, perhaps a little too quickly, as he stumbled a bit and nearly fell on his ass. He grabbed the side of the lounge chair he'd just rose from to steady himself. He looked around quickly with slight panic, although he would never admit it, hoping to God that no one had seen the great Uchiha Sasuke almost stumble over drunk. Luckily for him, everyone was too caught up with their conversations and hadn't noticed him.

Sasuke adjusted his suit and pushed his hair out of his face. He gently pulled on one of his bangs and brought it in front of his eyes. He really needed to get a haircut. His usually smooth black hair was beginning to look like a crow's nest. The thought made him scowl. He way be feeling sorry for himself, but he wouldn't allow himself to fall that far. He gazed at the half-empty glass of liquor on the chair side table, debating with himself on whether he should finish it or not. Hell, he was already drunk; another half of a glass wouldn't help or hinder him. Besides, the last couple of days had consisted of: Getting plastered. Passing out drunk. Massive hangover. Throwing up his lungs. Repeat. With maybe a few bitter tears in there somewhere, just to switch things up. He didn't really feel like changing that anytime soon. His family would just have to understand that, for once, Sasuke had gone out on a limb and went against his own instincts to really care about someone else. Really care. Like, love care. It had also come back to bite, kick, and scratch him in the ass. But that was beside the point. He walked over towards the coat rack to grab his coat and head home. His family would also understand that it was getting late, and this was the first time he had a break from work that was more than a day in months. No way in hell did he want to spend it here with a bunch of rich dicks. If he was going get hammered and possibly start to cry, he would do it in the privacy of his own home, thankyouverymuch.

He didn't move fast enough, for his mother spotted him trying to make his great escape from across the room. Damn her eagle vision. If he didn't know any better, he would like she would be able to spot a scurrying mouse in a dark alley below them. She did look a little hungry. He snatched his coat off on the rack and quickly put it on as she sauntered over to him, flowing over the lush carpet like a ghost in sparkling heels. She opened her mouth to speak, but he raised his hand to silence her. Her eyes were questioning, and she tilted her head slightly in the same way she always did when she wanted an explanation.

"I'm going to head home now, Mother, It's gotten quite late." She smiled sweetly, but her eyes gave her away. They had a little edge to them, the kind Sasuke got when whatever he wanted was about to be thoroughly ignored.

"Oh, alright sweetie, but I wanted you to meet the Yamanaka's daughter, Ino, she's-"Sasuke sighed. He was sure that his mother didn't know that he already knew Ino; otherwise she probably wouldn't have been so quick to try and introduce them. A loud, boisterous girl that he'd attended high school with. He used to score weed from her boyfriend Shikamaru back then. If his mother wanted him to "meet" Ino, then Sasuke could only assume that they weren't together anymore. Shame. They were one of the only couples he known back then that he thought might actually get married later on. She also happened to be one of Sai's best friends. So no, he didn't really feel like having a tiny reunion at the moment. Not to mention his mother, even after all that time with Sai, didn't seem to understand that Sasuke was a card-carrying member of the rainbow parade and had absolutely no interest in Ino's, or any other female's nether regions. Or maybe she just didn't care.

"No, Mother, I'm very, very tired and I need to return home right now. I promise that I will meet her next time, alright? Say goodbye to Father for me. " He didn't even give her the chance to respond before giving her a quick peck on the cheek and slipping out the door. Sasuke was very glad he managed not to slur or waiver at all. Maybe he was starting to become too much of an expert in drinking if even his own mother didn't know he'd had too many. He walked into the hall, trying desperately to tune out the useless chatter of the useless people he could still hear behind him. He reached the elevator and pushed the down key none to gently. Sasuke felt an uncomfortable churning in his stomach. Great, now he had to pee. He looked fleetingly down the hall at the room he just exited. Nah, he could defiantly hold it.

The Elevator seemed to be taking a damn long time to open, and he hoped that it wasn't broken. All he needed was to have to stumble down twenty-six flights of stairs while he was drunk. A brief vision of himself tumbling down each stair and turning the corners to keep falling flashed across his mind, making him frown. He tapped his foot. The elevated dinged, and he steeped in, not before he felt a horrifyingly dark presence that sent a shiver down his spine. He shook slightly, and bundled his coat closer to himself. He reached out to push the symbol for the parking garage, but an equally pale hand beat him to it. Sasuke grimaced; he hadn't even noticed him slip into the elevator with him.

"Itachi." He said dryly. Just the person he wanted to see.

"Little brother." Itachi acknowledged. His brother was dressed smartly, as always, wearing a black, pinstriped suit with a blood –red tie. His long black hair was tied at the base of his neck, giving him an aristocratic look. He stood with his hands behind his back and a single eyebrow rose in Sasuke's direction.

"You're drunk. And you stumbled. And if you ran from mother any faster I would have thought your pants were on fire. She was quite worried and sent me after you to make sure you got home in one piece." If there was one thing you had to know about Itachi, it was that he would explain his purpose for being somewhere even if you hadn't asked.

"Yes, brother, I am. Wonderful observation skills, as always." Sasuke smirked, his usual defense mechanism kicking in, but was met with a blank stare. Sasuke sighed. He loved his mother, he really did, but she should have known better than to send Itachi to check on him. She knew, hell, everyone knew that Itachi was the last person he wanted to see right now because-

"You're upset. Is this about Sai? Are you not over it yet, Sasuke?" Sasuke glared at the glowing red numbers. Floor sixteen. Move faster dammit, he silently begged.

"It's only been two weeks, Itachi, so no, I'm not 'over it' yet." Sasuke ground out. "Not to mention I've had to see him almost every day because he's shacked up with you."

Did he forget to mention that his ex-boyfriend had left him for his elder brother? Yeah, that happened. Sai had said he wanted a "real man" to take care of him, which was horribly ironic in Sasuke's book because Itachi was even more of a pretty boy than he was. Sasuke shifted uncomfortably. He still had to pee and the damn elevator wasn't moving fast enough for his liking. He would very much like for this conversion with his traitorous brother to end so he could go home, curl up in a comfy blanket in fuzzy socks and proceed to cry himself to sleep.

An unpleasant silence filled the elevator, the only sound being the slight tick of changing floors and the brothers' breathing. Sasuke refused to look at his brother, but he could feel his anger rising with each passing tick. He clenched and unclenched his fists, suddenly unsure what to do with his hands. They begged him to punch his now-silent enemy. They hadn't really had the chance to talk about this with their busy schedules, and he really did not want to have a heart-to-heart right now. Itachi must have sense his thoughts, because he sighed and shifted slightly closer to him.

"You had been talking about breaking up with him for weeks, Sasuke." Itachi reminded him softly. Sasuke snorted, and here he thought his brother couldn't say anything else to piss him off more. How wrong he was. Sasuke whirled on him, staring him straight in the eyes. Itachi fidgeted.

"I told you that in confidence, Itachi, and I didn't tell you that so you would feel free to fuck him behind my back!"

"Sasuke-"

"NO! You're supposed to be my brother! How could you even do that to me? I loved him!"

"You always end up loving the wrong people, Sasuke; it's obvious to everyone around you that they never love you as much you loved them." Sasuke flinched, taken aback. Itachi's eyes widened comically as he realized what he said. They stared at each other for what seemed like a long time. Itachi finally looked away, his eyes swimming with guilt. So that's what he really thought, huh? Did he feel bad about him and Sai at all? Sasuke felt the tell-tale signs of tears climbing up to his eyes. He blinked hard willing them away. He'd be damned if he would cry in front of fucking Itachi of all people.

They were silent until they reached the bottom floor. Sasuke dung around in his pocket and pulled out his car keys. He tossed them at Itachi, who caught them at the last minute. Itachi looked at him questioningly.

"Here, I'm not going to drive. I'll catch a cab. You don't have to walk me out." Sasuke was proud that his voice didn't waiver in the slightest. Itachi sighed, and then nodded. Sasuke went to step out of the elevator, but paused with his hand on the door. He could almost feel Itachi stiffen behind him. He let out a small, vicious chuckle but didn't turn around.

"Your right, I do end up loving the wrong people. Because I sure did love you." He was met with silence, and was glad for it. He was sure that anything Itachi could have said would have triggered the waterworks. He let the elevator door close behind him.

Sasuke waited until he heard the elevator begin to ascend before walking towards the stairs that would take him up to the street. For a moment, he thought about taking the elevator back up to the first floor and leaving out the front entrance, but changed his mind. Itachi might still be hanging around and he didn't want to have to deal with the awkwardness of seeing each other again after such short span of minutes. He regretted saying anything to Itachi, sure, but he didn't think he could keep up the cold war between them without exploding into a giant puddle of feelings. Which he kind of did. In an elevator. While he was drunk. He was sure he would feel ten times worse about this little confrontation in the morning, and he was sure to get a call from his mother for the details. He sighed. There was no way he could possibly feel any worse than he did right at this moment.

Sasuke halted suddenly, getting a horrible feeling in his gut that was not from his need to use the bathroom. He swallowed thickly and slowly turned his head to the right. Nothing. He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. The place was almost unnaturally dark. Sasuke was sure that there was supposed to be adequate lighting in these types of places so that hotel guests wouldn't fumble around in the dark. There were a few lights scattered here and there, and for future reference, he told himself to chat up the owner next time to see about fixing that.

He paused, fishing a cigarette out of his pocket and taking a drag, blowing out the smoke into the frigid air around him. He gazed up at the stone ceiling, imagining all the foot-falls a chatter of the people above in the hotel lobby. He had no idea when everything began to spiral to hell in his life. He had been a bright kid, well liked, and now he was well respected and known around the country. But all that couldn't change the fact that every relationship he'd ever been in had ended in pure, unmitigated failure. He knew that Itachi was right, that he always ended up loving the wrong people. He had told himself that a million times before as he sat with a drink in his hand and a cigarette in the other, trying desperately to drown his sorrow. But hearing things like that always stung from other people. Not to mention that right now, Sasuke did not want Itachi to tell him anything. Least of all about himself.

The people he fell for were always too…flashy for him. They were dancers, or singers, or artists with quirky smiles and a certain sense of awkwardness to them that made him fall head over heels. He had no idea why, since he was a bit gloomy, and dark, and the things he liked were nothing like him. But hey, he liked what he liked. Even though he knew they would always grow bored with him, or find somebody else while he wasted away and pined like a little bitch. He knew he would probably never find anyone who wanted to stay with him or devoted to him forever, or give all that he gave right back to him. And that fucking sucked.

He shivered, dropping his half-smoke cigarette on the ground and crushing it under his foot. He pulled his coat closer to himself, adjusting his scarf so that it covered the bottom of his mouth. He wished he had thought to bring gloves, but he hadn't expected to go out today. One of the only functioning lights flicked overhead, and he squinted at it. It was casting unnatural shadows all around him.

He hated parking garages, they were so creepy and monochrome and holy fuck, what the hell is that?

It stood, surrounded by an ethereal black glow. Smoke-like tendrils of matter curled coiled in lazy patterns around its form, sizzling in the nighttime air. It was almost like a stain of blood on the backdrop of grey. Its fur red and stance wide. A behemoth of a thing with a wide, slack jaw and blank, soulless green eyes.

How the hell had something this big move so fast without him noticing? Also, why the fuck was there a red bear in the middle of Konoha? He took a deep breath. Big mistake. The fuzzy bear-thing growled at him. It charged. Sasuke shouted, and dived out of the way. The creature skidded, overly long nails scratching across the ground like nails on a chalkboard, but composed itself quickly. Sasuke mind was clouded by the alcohol in his system, and was too slow to avoid its next attack. It charged at him again, reared back and back-handed Sasuke clear across the garage, tearing a large gash across his middle with its claws. Sasuke gasped at the sudden pain, and nearly passed out when he landed on the roof of a car. His head bounced painfully on the windshield. Blood started to run down from a wound that must have opened on his head. Sasuke groaned, and tried to move. He nearly screamed when he shifted his torso. He bit his lip to keep any sound from escaping. It unexpectedly hurt to breathe. Shit. I don't even know where that thing is. It's going to kill me. He heard a growl somewhere to his right he snapped his eyes in that direction. Lucky for him, as lucky as he could be at this moment, he had landed on a SUV, so it was a little bit taller than the bear-thing and it wouldn't be able to see him right away.

His lifted his head to inspect the damage to his chest. He was bleeding, naturally, and had four deep slices in his chest, but he couldn't see any of his internal organs hanging out of him. That was a start. He looked around frantically, still not able to locate it. He could hear it moving around, and its heavy breathing was making his heart beat at an unhealthy rate.

He sat there, for seconds, a few minutes maybe, but the creature seemed unable to find him. It was odd to him, how he wasn't afraid, just wary. He had not, of course, ever been eaten by anything and torn to shreds. But from all the news stories he covered on escaped animals at the zoo or exotic pets on the loose he knew that it couldn't be very pleasant. It was most likely due to the heavy alcohol in his system, but he couldn't bring himself to care.

His body fell lax. The tension he felt had finally left. The first hit left him a tightly coiled mess, but his body was now terribly numb. Now, he was just waiting for another wave of agonizing pain to hit. Now he could wait for death. He was bleeding profusely; his precious lifeblood sliding away that, at any other point would have horrified and disgusted him. But for some reason or another, he was eerily calm about this. Maybe because he was at a low point at the moment. Maybe it was because he had string after string of failed relationships. Maybe because the one person he was supposed to trust more than anyone had stabbed him the back. Maybe because his father would always be disappointed in him for not going into big business like him, for finally following his own dreams and doing what at least, as it turns out, to make him somewhat content, much to his disappointment. Or maybe it was the fact that his sweet, loving mother had always smiled her painfully awkward smile that only Sasuke could see through whenever Fugaku would undermine his work or Itachi would take what his. Maybe he had finally made peace with his dissatisfying life.

He closed his eyes. Fuck you, Sai. This is your fault. If that bastard hadn't dumped him, his mother wouldn't have felt the need for him to get out of the house and socialize. He wouldn't have been in this hotel trying to entertain a hotel room full of generous old broads and then cut out early. And now he was going to die a bloody death with freaking Sai on his mind. Great.

He blinked at the haze of red that flew into his vision. So it had found him. The thing must not have had the greatest sense of smell if it took this long. He stared at it, and it returned his gaze. The watched each other, probably to see who would make the next move. Not Sasuke, oh no, even if he had the desire to, what was he going to do, punch it in the eye? That would undoubtedly only serve to piss it off. It would probably bite his hand off before he even connected with those monstrous teeth. It growled, opening its jaw wide. It stood to its full height, belting out a mighty roar that seemed to shake the foundation. Sasuke flinched when it slammed its paws down on the side on the SUV, snapping its jaws at him, barely missing. The weight of it sunk the car down low, causing it to creak and groan. He braced himself waiting for painful death. It roared again, and adjusted its feet to pounce. He closed his eyes, but not before he saw a flash of bright yellow smash into the unprotected side of the red-bear-thing, hard.

He waited a few seconds, counted to three to see if he was dead or not. He wasn't. Dammit. When he opened his eyes again, Sasuke couldn't quite see it from his position, the other had tackled the red one just at the edge of his line of sight. He gathered that this was going to be a standoff, and judging from the way that of that tackle, it was going to be not-too-friendly. Not to mention the horrifying growling noises they were making. This one, however, was a yellowish-orange with many tails. How many, Sasuke couldn't be sure. They also appeared to be on fire, but he could have been imagining that. Hellhound, his mind said, there's possibly a fucking hellhound in the middle of the city. Wait till the news hears about this. The tails flailed wildly in an odd pattern; occasionally beating the ground heatedly in what Sasuke could only guess was from anger? Irritation? At what? Maybe the yellow one had already had Sasuke in its sights and was pissed the red beastie had gotten him first. His eyes were starting to droop heavily. There really was no reason to stay conscious, in his opinion, because no matter which horrible fuzzy bear-thing won their growling and slashing match, Sasuke was going to be ripped to shreds or lose all of his precious blood while waiting to be ripped to shreds.

The yellow one appeared to be winning, if the noises were anything to go by. The red one was making such loud screeches, too odd and high pitched to be anything remotely human. It was getting destroyed out there, and Sasuke almost felt a little sorry for it. Here it was, just a squirrel trying to get a nut, and it was accosted by a fiercer squirrel that wanted a bloody death match for the nut. What? The hell is wrong with me? The damn thing tried to kill me! Oh, please God let me die. I will not allow myself to feel sorry for a fucking bear. And with that, his last coherent thought tumbled in his brain before he passed out.

The parking garage was now quiet, and the blond Tangible raised its head, victorious. Its mouth was covered in the Intangible's cursed blood, and it seared like hell-fire, but it did not care. It sniffed about, searching. In the fray, it had lost track of Sasuke, and that was entirely unacceptable. It knew it was running out of time. It had to get Sasuke away from here; it could smell other humans coming this way, curious from all the noise. Rightly so, for the fight had turned over cars and cracked the concrete. If the humans took Sasuke away, it wouldn't get to see him for days. The Tangible growled at the thought.

It poked its head around a little more, finding Sasuke's scent in few moments. It stood on its hind legs, lugging its huge and mostly impractical body, if you asked it, over the side of the SUV that held Sasuke's injure form. It tipped its lips, trying to smile, but it didn't work well in the form. Not to mention that the car could not hold its weight very well, and tipped dangerously low, causing Sasuke to slide. The Tangible almost smacked itself, no doubt the minute Sasuke spotted him he would freak the fuck out. He should have approached him slower. He would freak out too if a large, yellow, fox-bear thing –Seriously, what the fuck was he even supposed to be? - looked at him with large, blue eyes, flaming tails, and shark teeth stretched into a horrible caricature of a smile. He was trying to appear friendly, of course but he knew it would only be more frightening. It stared, rearing back a little to give the human time to adjust to his appearance, only to sigh heavily though its nose when it realized that Sasuke was out cold. It lifted Sasuke's limp body off the car and laid him gently on the ground. He was mindful of the bloodstain that still rested on the car and knew that the owner would never get the stain, nor the heavy, paw-shaped dents out of it, so, being merciful, he flicked the damn thing fully across the garage, barely hearing when it smashed to pieces. It stared down at its prize. Sasuke was bleeding heavily, and looked so small and vulnerable. It didn't like that one bit. It suddenly threw its head back and howled, its furry tails forming into two legs and the rest of its body thinned and elongated into human size. Its yellow fur was now blonde spikes and its bloody snout was twisted into a frown. As gently as he could, Naruto gathered Sasuke into his arms and took off into the night.

**∞**

When he awoke, Sasuke was aware of two things: He was snuggly warm and sore as hell. But, to be sore, you had to be living, and he wasn't actually upset about that. He sat up, instantly thinking he was going to regret it, but surprisingly did not. He looked down at his chest, fully expecting to find his poor little organs hanging out and his blood all over his comfy-cotton sheets.

But there was nothing. Not a scratch, a wound, a gash, and certainly no wayward organs. And Sasuke was certainly confused. Did it really happen? Was it a dream? There was no way he could have healed that fast overnight. Maybe he imagined it, the broken lot and the nightmarish monsters. He was definitely drunk enough. He stood up, a little unsure of himself, testing his weight on one leg before carefully stepping down on the other. Nothing. No back breaking pain or anything. He smiled a little, lips dry and cracked from the heat in the room. Then he sighed heavily, all the tension in his body relaxing. Oh thank god, he thought, he didn't really want to die, that was drunken man bullshit. He fucking loved his job, and his bastard of a brother and dick of a father and angel of a mother. And damn did he love booze, even if it fucked with his thoughts sometimes. But in the middle of his internal victory dance, he paused. How did he get home last night? He knew he went out, that part was real. So did his brother take him home? Or did he actually catch that cab? He shrugged. These were things to think about after he got some food in his stomach. He was famished.

He padded to the kitchen, stretching his sore muscles. He looked at his wall clock, raising an eyebrow at the time. Nine o'clock in the morning was by no means late, but for Sasuke it was nearly unheard of. It was a good start to his three day break, much better than the idea of being in the hospital or in a box.

He grabbed piece of bread out of his breadbox, holding it in his mouth as he rummaged in his fridge for the butter. From the kitchen, he could hear his extremely loud ringtone-the one he had designated for and recognized as his mother's-coming from back in his bedroom. He ignored it for the moment, opting to put his toast in the toaster before jogging back to grab it. When he got there, the ringing had just stopped, only to start again two seconds later. He lifted it up, eyes bugging out when he saw that his message box was full and he had 56 missed calls- numbers varying from his family and multiple friends.

"What the hell?" He muttered to himself. Did he sleep for a freaking year? What could have possibly happened? He looked to his wall. No, it was February 6th. He checked the date too. Nope, still 2013. So what the hell?

He answered the phone before he missed the call again, lifting it to his ear with a wary:

"Hello?"

"Sasuke!" His mother shrieked. Her voice was equal part panic and relief.

"What? He answered the phone?" He could hear his brother in the background. His voice sounded the same way his mother's did. Sasuke furrowed his brow, confused. What was wrong with them?

"Let me talk to him!" His father yelled. Now he definitely knew something was wrong.

"Hold on, hold on, I'm putting him on speaker. Sasuke, honey, are you still there?"

"Yes mother, I'm here. Is everything alright?" He asked slowly.

"Why the fuck haven't you been answering the phone, Sasuke?!" his brother demanded.

"Itachi! Language!" His mother chided.

"No, he's right. Sasuke, what the hell have you been doing!?" He father said.

"Sleeping actually, up until now. And how was your morning, Father?" He asked dryly, rolling his eyes. He walked back into the kitchen, taking out his finished toast and biting into it. He flicked on the TV, watching it passively as his family chewed him out.

"Don't take that tone with me, young man; we were worried sick about you!" His father bellowed.

"Why?" He asked, genuinely confused.

"Why? Sasuke, the parking garage under the hotel was decimated! Cars were destroyed, the ground was cracked, and there was blood all over the place! They found some sort of beast in there, and the police took it away, but they couldn't find you! We knew you were down there, and we were so worried Sasuke! Oh god, I thought you were dead!" She broke out into uncontrolled sobs, and Sasuke could hear his father and brother trying to calm her down. He stared forward, unable to say anything. So it had been real. Holy shit. It didn't make any sense. There was no way he could have survived there by himself. Had someone helped him? But who? Who could have gotten there before the police? He jerked, a sudden idea hitting him.

"Wait…Only one beast?" He said. He mother's cries stopped suddenly. She hiccupped.

"What? O-oh yes, it was big and very much dead. They covered it with a tarp so we couldn't see it being carried out. Why, is that important?" She asked.

"Well, um, there were two." He nearly whispered.

"WHAT?!" They all exploded simultaneously. He sighed, covering his hand with his eyes. This was going to be a struggle.

"You will tell us what the hell happened this instant, Sasuke!" His father yelled. He was afraid he was going to blow a gasket. Take it down a notch, old man. He mentally kicked himself for that. He had no right to be an ass when his family was genuinely worried about him. And judging from all the missed messages and calls, everyone else he knew was too.

"Okay, okay!" He said, trying to think of the words to say. "After Itachi left and I was about to take the stairs to the street that…Thing came out of nowhere and attacked me-"

"I knew you shouldn't have left him alone, Itachi! Are you alright, Sasuke?!" His mother said. He could hear Itachi sucking his teeth from the other side. He smirked.

"Hush, Mikoto! Go on, Sasuke." His father scolded.

"Anyway, it had like, hit me into a car and ripped my insides open and I was bleeding out and ready to be eaten when another one of those things came and fucked the first beast up before it could. Then I passed out and woke up with no cuts or gashes or anything so I figured it was all a dream until I saw my phone and here we are." He said that all in one breath, not even pausing to breathe. Rip it off like a Band-Aid, he thought, let's try and minimalize the freak-out.

He was met with silence on the other end, which, in his opinion, was worse than all of them yelling and screaming at him. A silent Uchiha was a thinking Uchiha. That was never good for anyone.

"I'm coming over." Itachi said firmly and quietly after a few silent moments. Sasuke could hear his parents murmuring in agreement.

"There's no need for that, I'm fine."

"Bullshit!" His brother yelled. This was probably the most he'd ever heard him raising his voice in his entire life. It kind of scared him. They all must have been really freaking if Itachi was willing to show this much emotion. He felt bad for not waking up earlier.

"There's no goddamn way you could just heal overnight if that thing attacked you, Sasuke! Something fucked up is going on here and I'm going to come get you and bring you back here. I'm not about to leave you by yourself, that's for damn sure!"

Sasuke wished he wasn't touched by Itachi's rare display of concern for his well-being, but his heart warmed a little anyway. But he desperately didn't feel like being coddled right now. And he was also still trying to be mad at him. There was no way he could be if his usually cold and stoic big brother was fretting over him.

"Aniki, really, it's okay, I'm fine." He said firmly, trying to brush him off.

"Sasuke-"He sighed, closed his eyes and counted to three. If he really wanted to be left alone, he was going to have to pull out the big guns. He hated pulling out the big guns.

"No, I'm seriously fine…Onii-san. Don't worry." he said softly. The big guns usually worked better when he could make puppy-dog eyes and pout slightly, but seeing anyone right about now was exactly what he was trying to avoid, so it would have defeated the purpose.

Either way, Itachi fell silent.

Sasuke was sure that if the occasion hadn't been what it was now, his mother would have squealed.

At that same moment, Sasuke's ears picked up a slight splashing noise from the bathroom. He whipped around, taking a step backward and bumping into the counter. He hadn't even gone into the bathroom this morning. Why was the water on? He walked forward, grabbing a knife out of the holder and advancing. He ignored the chatter over the phone line, holding it was from his ear. He wasn't going out like a bitch if there was something there. As he got closer, he could hear strings muffled curses and the sound of water sloshing around. He sucked in a deep breath.

"Everyone." He whispered, grabbing their attention. "I'm going to have to call you back."

"Huh? Why?" His mother asked. "Why are you whispering?"

"Because there may or may not be someone in my house. Bye." He said while hitting the end button before they exploded again. He nearly sighed. There was no way they weren't coming over now, probably toting the police and the fire squads with them. Dammit, he should have stay in bed.

Sasuke slipped his phone into his pajama pocket, lifting the knife in front of him and holding it with two hands. He stood in front of the partially closed door, debating on whether to slip inside slowly or bust in dramatically, waving around his knife. He chose the latter.

He kicked the door open, and the blond man behind the door jumped slightly, blue eyes wide.

"What the fuck are you doing in my goddamn house?!" He yelled, trying to jab the tan man in front of him. The guy jumped back, letting go of the suit jacket he was holding and pushing himself against the wall.

"Whoa!" He yelled, "Calm down, Sasuke! I didn't know you were awake!"

Sasuke's brow furrowed in confusion, letting the knife fall from in front of him slightly.

"Why in the hell do you know my name?!" He shouted. Instead of answering him, blue eyes flickered down to the knife, and then back up to Sasuke's face. He seemed to be ready to take a chance. He did.

He kicked the fucking knife right out of Sasuke's hands.

"What the hell?!" He shrieked, jumping back and cradling his abused fingers. The bastard moved so quickly, all he saw was a flash of yellow before the knife was clattering on the floor. Wait-

"I'm so sorry, Sasuke! But I had to! I didn't hurt you did, I? Let me see." He said, taking a step towards him. Sasuke looked frantically at the knife. The guy followed his movements, lunging over to it and throwing it behind the toilet. That forced Sasuke to size him up. The guy was a shorter than him, but just about as broad and muscular. It would be a struggle, but he could most likely take him.

"What the hell do you want from me?" He questioned angrily. "Cause if you think you're just going to come in here and steal my shit then I assure you that you picked the wrong house!"

The guy waved his arms in front of him, apparently flustered. "I wasn't trying to steal anything from you! I was just trying to wash your suit before you woke up!" He said.

A beat.

"What kind of fucking thief breaks in to wash some clothes?!" He asked incredulously. The blond man stomped his foot heatedly, putting his hands in the air.

"I'm not a thief, dammit, I live here too!"

"Like hell you do! Who the fuck are you!" The guy smiled then, tipping his head to the side like a puppy, all his previous anger seemingly forgotten. His eyes scrunched so much that they nearly disappeared. Sasuke stared at him oddly.

"Oh? Right, I didn't introduce myself. Heh. I'm Naruto, your plushy doll. Nice to meet you as a person, Sasuke!" He rubbed the back of his head sheepishly before holding a hand out for Sasuke to shake.

A pause.

"My what?" He asked. What the hell was this guy on about? He was psycho, definitely.

"You know the little ninja doll that sits on the mantle place all the time? That's me! Well, most of the time. When I'm not in that form, I look like this! Anyway, the shirt you wore last night was torn to hell so I had to throw it out, but I knew I could save the jacket and pants if I could just get the blood stains out-"

"You're the doll…on my mantle…is what your trying to tell me?" He said slowly, he backed away, keeping his eyes on this insane "Naruto" as he made his way to the living room, backwards. Sure enough, the plushy doll that Sai had given him for their third anniversary was mysteriously missing. But there was no possible fucking way that-

"See? I've sat there for so long wishing I could talk to you, Sasuke! But I knew you would freak out if I did!" Naruto said, making Sasuke jump. He spun around, narrowing his eyes. He went to speak, but Naruto beat him to it.

"I would have let you stay unaware too, but then I sensed that Gaara was attacking you and I couldn't just sit by and let my Master die, now could I? So when I came to save you-"

"Who the hell is Gaara? Master? Saved me? Hell no, the only things down there were me and those things, there was no way that I wouldn't have noticed you!" He said. Naruto sighed, giving Sasuke a look of sympathy that he instantly hated.

"Well, you were pretty out of it, Sasuke, so I guess you don't remember me. Hey! Maybe you'll recognize me better like this!"

Sasuke gave a little shout, jumping back and plastering himself against the wall. There, in front of him, sat the other beast, its yellow and orange flaming tails flying around. It lips- which covered huge, menacing teeth- were tipped into an awkward half smile-grimace. Sasuke waited until he could swallow his heart again before trying to process this. His pushy doll, which could turn into a human, could also turn into a huge bear-fox thing -Seriously, what the fuck was he even supposed to be?- and was standing in his living room after sitting in the bathroom washing his soiled clothes. He felt like he was about to pass out.

"Sasuke! Are you okay? Do you need to sit down?" He asked. It was weird hearing a voice come out of that huge frame.

"Hurry up and change back, idiot!" He said after a beat. "You'll set my carpet on fire!"

"Oh! Sorry, sorry!" Naruto said, seeming to melt back into human form. Sasuke tried not to feel surprised and wary by this, but he couldn't help it. Just what the hell was going on? He swallowed a lump in his throat before speaking again.

"So you knew that other thing? Gaara, you said? And you killed him?" He asked. He didn't know why those were the questioned that came out, since he had so many. But they were, so he went with it.

"Well, not really, he was an Intangible, so he wasn't very "alive" to begin with. But yes, I knew him. It will be alright, though, he'll go back into the Ether and have a chance to be reborn to a better master and possibly become a Tangible. I kind of did him a favor." Naruto said with a sad smile. Sasuke didn't even pretend to know what he was talking about.

"Do I want to know what any of that even means?" He asked, suddenly tired. He really just wanted to go back to bed.

"Of course you do! Look, I explain it all to you over a nice, warm breakfast. Let's get some more food into you, yes?" He said, grabbing Sasuke by the arm and leading him into the kitchen. He sat him down at the table, humming to himself as he pulled out the fixings for his "nice, warm breakfast". His plushy doll-turned demon, turned human- was cooking for him.

"You have to be fucking kidding me." He muttered to himself.


	2. Chapter 2

2.

From the moment a five year old Itachi held his tiny, rosy-cheeked baby Sasuke in his arms, he knew he would go to extreme lengths for his precious brother. He knew, even at that young age, that it was borderline unhealthy how much he cared, but he took being a big brother very seriously. He had no qualms with beating up potential bullies or kissing boo-boos when his mother couldn't. He also had no problem with scaring off any of Sasuke's lovers that he suspected only wanted him for his looks or prestige. This was, sadly, all of them.

And the tragic truth was Itachi did this quite often.

From the time little Sasuke gone from the cute little boy that held his hand on the way to kindergarten to his angst-filled years in high school and beyond, Itachi had been his guardian angel. Unfortunately, Sasuke didn't see it that way. But it truly didn't matter. He ran off fawning girls and curious boys by the thousands and regretted none of it. He stood behind him with the things he needed and in front of him and the things he wanted.

But then there was Sai.

Sai was, to put it bluntly, a sticky-fingered little son of a bitch. Before Itachi even had a chance to blink, he was latched on to Sasuke's side like a barnacle, sticking along for the ride. The little parasite laughed at all his attempts to drive him off. He told him that Sasuke didn't really care, that he had other lovers, anything to make him go away. But somehow, he saw past Itachi's usually utterly convincing stone face and called his bluff. He literally _laughed_ , at Itachi _, in his face_. At that point Itachi considered how to get away with murder. He had the resources to do it—abandoned buildings, a vat of liquid concrete; you know, the usual— but when his dear brother said that he l-l- _loved_ the little fucking twat, Itachi was stumped. Sasuke never loved anyone he dated, not really. He may have been fond of them, or liked to have them around, but it wasn't love. That didn't mean it didn't suck to have someone you at least like disappear on or dump you. So this was big. Almost big enough for Itachi to admit defeat, step aside, and realized that Sasuke could handle his own life. Hey, I said _almost_.

Anyway, if Itachi didn't hate the little twit so much, he might have been somewhat attracted to him. He was just like Itachi-just a version of him with shorter, less luscious hair, paler skin, and the addition of those outlandishly gaycropped shirts—too bad everyone and their freaking father was somewhat attracted to him too. Sai had too many lovers to count, and Itachi knew this without following him around. It was so obvious and _out there_ that Itachi had no idea how Sasuke didn't see it. Maybe he was too blind with _love_. He didn't have the heart to tell Sasuke that Sai wasn't faithful, because his otouto wouldn't' believe him anyway. Sai didn't fuck the others often, according to him; he just went to them for the emotional side of a relationship that Sasuke lacked in (A simple case of the apple calling the orange fruity, if you asked Itachi.) Sasuke, apparently, was a beast in the sack, and Sai wasn't gung-ho to let him go, a statement which would have made Itachi smirk proudly if it wasn't coming from **_him_**.

So Itachi, realizing that there was no way to shake him off without Sasuke wanting to, they struck a deal. Sai could have all the lovers he wanted, as long as they were clean and he didn't bring back any diseases. And in return Sai would drive off all the others that tried to flock to Sasuke's side. He figured they could keep the arrangement up for a few months while Itachi worked on finding someone more suited for his little brother or until Sasuke would eventually tire of him and kick him to the curb. Hopefully it would be the latter. But, alas and alack, the relationship lasted for six _motherfucking_ years. Sai still would give him that saucy, _victorious_ smirk whenever they saw each other and Itachi was _really_ considering putting in that order in for the concrete. Granted, Sasuke would bitch and moan about Sai sometimes and Itachi would be there to pat his back and nodded and (gently) suggest they break it off, but Sasuke would refuse, saying they could work it out, and be off his couch and back into the little shit's arms the next day.

It probably would have gone on like this forever had Sai not royally fucked up. In what Itachi likes to call "The Great Purge of 2013", he finally pulled Sai away from Sasuke (Hopefully forever). So what happened, you might ask? Simple. Sai got some random girl pregnant. Apparently he was, an always had been, bi-sexual and went around planting seeds in innocent young women (Who knew?). Itachi didn't know how any woman could find anyone that obviously _gay_ attractive enough to hop into bed with and get knocked up by, but that didn't have anything to do with him. What did have to do with him was the vicious right-hook he sent to Sai's _pretty little face_ (followed by another two-piece and a biscuit) when he showed up with the news to his house, giving him a sheepish shrug and a shitty explanation. Itachi didn't care; this was the absolute last straw. Too bad Sai didn't see it that way. He knew that Itachi wouldn't dare tell Sasuke, because he knew that Sai would then tell him that Itachi _always_ knew what was going on, and neither of them wanted their secrets getting out. Itachi was _almost_ ready to leave it at that, but then it dawned on him. Sai was fucking broke. So if he was planning to take care of this baby, he'd be using Sasuke's money. There was not goddamn way his baby brother was going to be unconsciously taking care of his boyfriend's bastard kid.

So, in a fit of unusual desperation on Itachi's part, when Sai was about to leave, he spun him around and kissed him. Sai was surprised at first, but then wrapped his legs around his waist and treaded his fingers through his hair, moaning like a whore. Itachi was no fool; he knew how Sai looked at him when he thought he wasn't paying attention. He knew that Sai had always wanted this, so he figured in that split second that if he wanted to get this monkey off Sasuke's back ,he was going to have to throw himself into Sai's crosshairs (Hey, I said _almost_ ).

Sure, the sex was good, and the head Sai gave was great, but Itachi knew he never get caught up with actually feelings for him. Sai was a snake, though and though. But Sai seemed to be enraptured with him, breaking it off with Sasuke only a week after they had first slept together. Sai had nowhere to go, so Itachi begrudgingly let him move in with him. Sai was ecstatic, gushing (about as much as a guy like him could) about how happy he was that they finally had to stop pretending they didn't like each other and be together. _Right_. Itachi just gave him a forced grin—one that anyone he knew him truly would have seen right through— and nodded in agreement.

Sure, his father gives him stern, cold glares and expresses how disappointed he is, and his mother would give him sad smiles and sigh so heavily that it made his heart clinch painfully, but it wasn't about them. It was about Sasuke. It had always been about Sasuke. He wasn't going to let anyone hold his otouto back. Not now, not ever. There was someone out there that would cherish have love him in the way he deserved. So it didn't matter that Sasuke barely looked him in the eye anymore. He would forgive him when he found someone better, someone worthy. So here Itachi would stay, Sasuke's silent, white knight that worked in the shadows, keeping the likes of Sai and any others away from his precious brother, even if it killed him.

**∞**

By nine forty-five, the table was covered in an assortment of food. Waffles, bacon, eggs—The works— Sasuke had no idea why Naruto would think he would be able to finish it all. But damn, was it _delicious_. The magnificent food made his mouth water. Sai had been a terrible cook, so he always ended up eating frozen, pre-made food. He hadn't had had a fresh, home-cooked meal since he lived with his parents. He rolled his last piece of sausage around with his fork, on eyebrow perched high on his brow.

"Wait, wait, and start over _one_ more time, please." Sasuke said, sipping a bit of coffee. Naruto gave him an affectionate, if not slightly irritated, smile, but acquiesced nonetheless.

"Alright, fine. But actually listen to me this time, okay Sasuke? Don't interrupt me every five seconds, or I'll lose my train of thought." Sasuke gave a little grunt and motioned for him to continue.

"Okay," Naruto said, clapping his hands together, "There are two types of Seekers, that's what you call "people" like me. One type is a "Tangible", which is what I am." He said, pointing to himself.

"Tangibles are the good guys, technically. We are born from good emotions, thoughts, and actions. When someone, that would be you in this case, buys or receives someone like me for a gift or whatever, we start out as blank slates. We feed off the energies you send out. Vibes, I guess you could say. We are also supposed to protect you, whenever you need us."

Sasuke nodded, somewhat grasping what he was saying. "So then, the Intangibles feed off of bad energy?" He questioned.

"Exactly!" Naruto said, nodding his head excitedly. "When someone is really hateful, or bitter and angry all the time, then the Seeker grows into an Intangible. It's kind of sad, really; they can't control what they become and are out of control all the time."

"But that's only part of it. We also become a reflection of what someone really is or wants to be on the inside. So, in truth, I'm here to be everything you're not, Sasuke." Naruto said, beaming. Sasuke raised an eyebrow at that.

"So you mean to tell me that I really want to be a blond-haired, blue-eyed idiot with flaming tails?" _Well, the flaming part is true_ , Sasuke thought silently. Naruto's eye twitched.

"I'll let that one slide, you bast- I mean, _master._ But that's not what I meant. Just because you are broody, mean, and a bit of an asshole doesn't mean you want to be all the time. That's just who you are. If you could be warmer, or more inviting and in touch with your emotions, you would be, you just don't know how. " Sasuke sniffed.

"And how would you know that?" He didn't want to admit it, but he didn't like that Naruto seemed to be able to read him easily. Naruto gave him a disbelieving look, his eyes clearly saying: "what did I just say?" Sasuke rolled his eyes and they fell into silence. Naruto began to pick at his unfinished food, and Sasuke ended up pushing the rest of it over to him. He was stuffed, and the idiot hadn't eaten, so he could just have it. Naruto smiled at him, but Sasuke didn't return it. He had other things on his mind.

"That still doesn't explain why that "Gaara" attacked me." He said after a beat.

"Oh! Right, well… you know someone named Sakura, don't you?" Naruto said.

Yes, he knew Sakura. She was probably the closest thing he had to a best friend. They had come a long way, though, as she had originally started out as a fan girl. She had followed him around though high school, claiming that they were going to get married one day. That was before he came out to anyone but his family, so for a while, he dealt with it. Besides, when she hung around him, all the other girls gave he a wide berth, wary of her Hulk strength and quick temper. It wasn't until one day, when he had gotten into a big argument with his then boyfriend that he snapped on her when she asked him what is problem was, twisting his hair around he fingers and making cow eyes at him. He shrugged off her friendly arm that was thrown over his shoulder none-to-gently and hit her with a quick: "Sakura, I'm fucking gay, knock it off." He then closed his eyes and waited to be punched.

When nothing came, he opened his eyes again, finding Sakura standing, a frozen statue with her mouth gaping like a fish and her eyes bugged wide. He got a little alarmed, worried that she wasn't breathing, but then, just like that, she snapped out of it. She tried her best to smile, even though it was a little watery, and stepped forward to give him a tight hug. She asked him what was wrong again, and this time he told her. Since then, they'd been inseparable. They had, purely by coincidence, gone to the same college and even got jobs two blocks away from each other- He at the news studio and she at an upscale bakery-They would always bring lunch for each other or spend it together. The food she brought was always better than his. After all these years, Sakura was like a sister to him. Even so, she never asked him about his sex life or anything like that, because he still suspected that she was a little sore about the whole matter, but always gave her support when he needed it. He, long ago, had admitted to himself that if his interests weren't what they were, she would be the type of girl he went for. She was smart, kind, and successful, but at the same time didn't take anyone's shit. She was almost like the female version of him, sans the kind part. But what did any of this have to do with her?

"Yes, I do, she's a good friend of mine, what of it?" He asked, feeling a little defensive of her.

"And you know someone named Lee, don't you?"

"Screams about youth all the time, needs a bottle of Nair and a weed-whacker for those things he calls eyebrows, seizure-inducing jump suit, yeah, I know him too. I repeat, what do either of them have to do with Gaara?"

"You know how Lee is in love with Sakura, right?" obsessed was more like it. He remembered when he had gone down to the police station to file the _first_ restraining order with Sakura a few years ago. She had been really freaked out to find Lee camping outside her apartment on the fire escape, nose pressed to the sliding door, and Sasuke had been really pissed off that he hadn't gotten the chance to kick his creepy ass down the ladder before the cops showed up.

"Well aware, yes."

"Well, Gaara belongs to Lee. _Used_ to, I should say. Long story short, Lee freaking hates you, dude. He knew that Sakura was in love with you and resented you for it, and he probably whispered all his problems to plushy-Gaara and how much he wished he could be like you so Sakura would love him. In turn, Gaara become an Intangible and the day he attacked you, Lee had gotten turned down by Sakura again and tried to kill himself."

"Damn." Sasuke said, feeling a little terrible, "So what you're saying is that because Lee wanted to be a broody, angry asshole like me, his doll became evil?"

"Yep!" Naruto said with a smile. "But deep down inside, that's not who you are, so he kind of screwed Gaara."

"I guess." Sasuke said with a roll of his eyes.

"Don't do that, it's true! You the most considerate, most wonderful person I know, Sasuke!" Naruto said with a slight (adorable) pout.

"You _must_ not know many people, then."

"Oh come off it! Look, I know you like to uphold the bad boy image, but I'm living proof that that's not what you really are. Sure, you're a dick sometimes, but who isn't? If you really care about someone, you go out of your way to accommodate them and make them happy, even at your own expense! Sure, you're a but stingy with your affection, because not everyone deserves it! You can be cold, a seemingly uncaring, but I've seen the way you treat your family and friends! You can be warm and loving, but only to the right people! Deep down inside, you're a good fucking person, Okay!?"

Naruto huffed, cheeks flushed from yelling. Sasuke tried not to feel flattered, but he did. That little speech was…nice. His own cheeks colored a little. No one, save for his mother, had ever spoke that kindly, if that was even the word, about him. He could tell that Naruto had some sort of hero-worship for him, and he was surprised at himself for not really minding.

"Um, thank you, for…thing that, I guess." He said, starching the back of his head, embarrassed. Naruto looked away from him, red as a tomato.

"Look, Sasuke," He said softly after a few beats of silence. "I've been watching you for a long time, and I've seen you at your best and your worst. You don't have to pretend with me. Just-just don't talk badly about yourself when I'm around, okay? I hate it." The last part was such a low whisper that Sasuke had to strain to hear it. Naruto looked down, dejectedly, pushing the fork back and forth over a half-eaten sausage link. He could have kicked himself. From what he said, Naruto practically _lived_ for him; of course he would want to hear Sasuke berate himself. Sasuke sighed, standing up and rounded the table, not really sure if he should hug him or something. They had just met, even though he could tell that Naruto probably knew him better than anyone else he knew. He sighed heavily. Naruto was already affecting him like this less than an hour after formally meeting, with his big blue eyes and handsome face. He even looked like a fox with little whisker like scars on his face. He was bright and sunny and _supportive._ Naruto was the exact opposite of him, and just the kind of guy he would go for. Shit, was he really checking out his plushy doll?

He was so fucked.

He patted Naruto's shoulder, lifting his chin so that they could look each other in the eyes. Naruto bit his lip and blinked up at him, his lashing fluttering a bit. Sasuke felt even worse for taking the smile off of his face. He sighed again.

"Fine, I promise I won't talk bad about myself, alright?" He said. Naruto beamed up at him, all traces of sadness gone. Sasuke blinked.

"Great! No what are we going to today, huh Sasuke?" Naruto said, bouncing on the balls of his feet. Sasuke narrowed his eyes. His supposed sadness just turned off like a light switch.

Oh no, _oh hell no_ , this little bastard didn't not just manipulate him in his own house.

"You were acting!" He hissed. Naruto had the gall to _fucking_ laugh. Sasuke felt his eyes twitch. He took a menacing step forward, but it only served to make Naruto laugh harder. He held his hands up in mock surrender.

"Nuh uh, I meant every word I said! But I got you to promise, no take backs!" He grinned. Sasuke decided right then that he hated him.

"Get out of my house." He said dryly.

"EHH? Saaaasukkke, nooooo, I'm sorry!" He said, still laughing. Sasuke rolled his eyes and tried to escape the kitchen, but Naruto accosted him, jumping on his back.

"Get off me, idiot!" He said, even though a smile began to creep onto his face. He grabbed at the arms around his neck and swinging him around futilely. Naruto responded by wrapping his legs around him, nearly choking him to death when his arms tightened. It turned into an all-out wresting match, and Sasuke felt himself chucking as they began to play fight. He never just started random playing with anyone else. Not even Sai. This was…different. He had no idea what he was doing. They'd just met, he didn't even know if Naruto had a last name. He felt connected to Naruto in a way he couldn't explain. Maybe it was the whole "master" thing or that he had basically helped shape Naruto into the "person" he was (apparently), but he knew that right now, he was enjoying himself immensely.

Naruto was laughing too, and somehow they ended up moving out of the kitchen into the living room, and ended up on the floor, trying to see who could push the other into submission. They switched between tickling and poking each other. Sasuke had the sneaking suspicion that Naruto was letting him win.

Or maybe not. Naruto got Sasuke underneath him, legs wrapped around his waist and holding Sasuke's hands beside his head. They were both wheezing and out of breath, laughing and panting every few seconds. Naruto was smiling down at him, and Sasuke felt compelled to return it. He hadn't really had any type of fun recently, but he could see that Naruto staying with him was going to be. He didn't think it would be all bad. Just then, Naruto opened his mouth to say something, probably to gloat, when Sasuke heard the lock to his front door _click_ and the door flew open dramatically.

"Sasuke! Are you-"His brother called out. He looked frazzled. Sasuke was surprised. The drive from his parents' house was an hour away. He must have been driving like a madman to get here so fast. His words caught when he caught sight of them on the floor. Naruto was frozen on top of him, and Sasuke was aware of how _bad_ this looked. Their close were wrinkled, hair mussed, and their faces were red from breathing too hard. He grimaced. He foolishly began to sit up, but Naruto hadn't moved yet, so Naruto ended up in his lap, their legs on either side of each other. They started into each other eyes for a moment before Naruto scrambled off of him, and Sasuke cleared his throat. Itachi, in the meantime, straightened, running a hand though his hair and tugging down the bottom of his shirt where it had ridden up upon his entrance. Sasuke felt a pang of irrational jealously spring up when he noticed Naruto's eyes follow the movement. For fucks sake, did _everybody_ drool over his brother?

"Itachi." Sasuke said with a lot more malice than he intended. His brother wasn't paying attention to him though, he was watching Naruto.

"Who in the fuck are you?" He said bluntly. Sasuke huffed. Ah yes, that classic Uchiha charm, always on full display. His good mood was slowly vanishing. He went to stand up when Naruto did. Naruto eyebrows furrowed, obviously a little miffed, and opened his mouth to speak. Sasuke knew he was probably going to tell him the truth. The truths in which Itachi would never believe, call him insane, and would almost certainly call a mental hospital to come and pick Naruto up, straight jacket and all. So Sasuke decided to do what he did best: Lie is ass off.

" _Naruto_ is an old friend of mine from college. I forgot that I said I'd let him stay here for a while, you know, because of everything that's… _happened_. But he kindly reminded me after I tried to stab his eyes out with a kitchen knife, didn't you, Naruto?" He said, cocking his head towards him, hoping he would get to play along. Naruto put on his best smile which, to Sasuke's surprise, didn't look forced at all. He walked over to Itachi and lifted his hand for a handshake.

"It's so nice to finally meet you, Itachi-san; Sasuke's told me so much about you." Itachi stared at the outstretched hand for a long time, blankly, until Naruto finally got the hint and slowly lowered it. Itachi then looked over him to Sasuke, who was trying his best not to fidget at Itachi's scrutinizing stare. He knew that if he looked away or made one wrong move that the jig was up.

"Sasuke, can I talk to you privately?" He said, giving Naruto a pointed look. Naruto grumbled something about rude assholes but made his way into the kitchen nonetheless. Sasuke stood straighter, feeling his hackles instinctively rise at being alone with his brother. He secretly hated that it had become like this between them, but it wasn't his fault. He hoped that one day he could forgive him, but he didn't see that happening any time soon, and it certainly wasn't going to be today.

As soon as Naruto had gotten far enough away, Itachi sauntered over to him, obviously trying to seem calm and collected instead of frantic and anxious like he had been moments before. Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"Don't roll your eyes at me." Itachi snapped, crossing his arms over his chest. All that was missing was the "young man" at the end of the sentence and the scene would have fit better with a father chastising a son instead of two brothers speaking to each other. Sasuke felt the urge to push him out, lock the door, and change the key. Itachi always had the habit of trying to be his dad, and it pissed him off. He was only five years older than him, for god's sake!

"I didn't." Sasuke lied. "I was looking at something on the ceiling." Itachi regarded him humorlessly.

"Sasuke." He said flatly. Sasuke let out a frustrated sigh though his nose.

"What?" He asked, blinking slowly.

"You never mentioned this…friend of yours, before. Explain."

"We weren't very close before, we just met up again recently." Itachi hummed, obviously still suspicious.

"So you let him stay over, even though you weren't that close?" Sasuke gritted his teeth. He could feel himself getting irked. He nearly jolted in surprise when he thought he heard a slight growling sound coming from the kitchen. Itachi was too focused on him apparently to notice.

"Yes." Itachi sighed, running a hand though his hair again.

"Don't lie. "

"I'm **_not_**."

"Sasuke-"

"Seriously, Itachi, will you back off? He's just a friend!"

"The type of friend you roll around with on the floor with barely any clothes on? Tell me how that makes sense." Itachi said, crossing his arms again.

"I don't have to tell you shit!" Sasuke said, struggling to keep his voice low. All he needed was for Naruto to think he was in trouble, go ape shit and turn into the fox-bear-thing again. Though that didn't sound too bad right about now. Itachi narrowed his eyes and took a step toward him, getting into his personal space. Sasuke hated the fact that his brother was taller than him, even if it was not by much.

"So I'm not allowed to be worried about you anymore?" Itachi hissed.

"Yeah, you kind of revoked those privileges when you-"

"Shut up, we're not talking about that right now. How do you just _forget_ that someone was supposed to be in your house, Sasuke? That's not like you. So who is he really?"

"Fuck you. I said I forgot and that's the end of it. You wasted your time driving all the way over here for nothing. I'm fine. Now see yourself out." He said, turning around. He didn't feel like dealing with this at the moment. Itachi had no right to question him about anything. He could just hope back in his car and carry his ass away from here. Itachi grabbed his shoulder and flipped him back around, bringing up his other arm and holding his other shoulder. He searched Sasuke's eyes, looking for something that Sasuke wasn't sure of.

"I know that you're angry with me, Sasuke, but if something's going on or you're in some kind of danger you can tell me." Sasuke glared at him and roughly pushed him away.

"I told you, everything is fine. So drop it, alright?!" Itachi sighed again. It seemed like they were doing a lot of that lately. He didn't grab for him again. They just stared at each other, waiting for the other to look away. It, of course, sort of turned into a silent competition: They knew that whoever didn't look away would be the victor.

And this would have continued until the sun went down and the cows came home, but Naruto wasn't having any of it. He must have thought his cue to come back when he heard them stop talking.

"Are you done talking about me, now?" He said, poking his head out from the kitchen doorway. Itachi narrowed his eyes at him, but Naruto only stuck his tongue out at him. Sasuke felt his lips twitch.

Itachi huffed, obviously a little irritated, but he seemed to be ready to go now that he was sure that everything was alright. Sasuke felt like he couldn't get him out fast enough. His brother always had the habit of sticking his nose, and other… _things,_ into matters that had absolutely nothing to do with him. Sasuke also wanted this time to try and get to know Naruto, seeing as how he was going to be living here indefinitely. Not to mention the whole "I'm supposed to protect you and I turn into a fucking composite animal to do so" thing. He didn't think the rest of the world was ready to find out that there was a _living_ one roaming around just yet. So he would keep him here, just in case, until he knew how much Naruto could handle by himself in the real world.

"Alright, Sasuke, if you're sure." He said, patting his shoulder slightly. Sasuke nodded, not really sure what to do now. Usually this was the part when they would give each other a (manly) hug and Sasuke would tell Itachi to call once he got home to make sure he got in okay or vice versa. His hands twitched awkwardly at his side and he suddenly became unsure of what to do with his hands. He settled on stuffing his hands in his pants pockets. Itachi seemed to notice too: An odd look settled on his face and he pursed his lips slightly, looking off to the side agitatedly. He opened and closed his fists, as if he was fighting with himself to keep from reaching out to Sasuke. It was strange, and infuriating, to Sasuke how one tiny little thing could throw off the balance they had in place for years. His eyes narrowed at the thought. But, once again, it was not his fault. His mind was taken over with a newer and more embarrassing thought. Naruto was behind him watching this wholly uncomfortable exchange, probably silently judging them on the way they fidgeted and tried their hardest to look at everything _but_ each other. He cringed. Naruto would possibly think him weird now. Humph. Like he had any room to talk.

"So, um, yeah. It supposed to rain today…um…don't get washed away." Sasuke said, immediately kicking himself repeatedly in the face mentally after the words tumbled out. _Really? That's the best you could come up with?_ He said to himself. _Who the fuck even says stuff like that? Perfect way to end a conversation, Sasuke, ya nailed it_. _I'm not even a goddamn weatherman._

"Well, um, thank you." Itachi said, looking at him oddly. "I'll…try not to. See you later, Sasuke." Sasuke nodded, wished that the ground would open up and swallow him.

"Bye, Itachi-san. It was still nice meeting you." Naruto said with a wave, Itachi made noise in the back of his throat and nodded to him, the only proof that he even acknowledged his existence at all.

The door closed. And both Naruto and Sasuke stared at it until they heard the car start outside and Itachi pull away. Naruto made an odd noise in the back of his throat, which almost sounded like a laugh, and that made Sasuke look in his direction.

"Well, that was freaking awkward." He said with a sheepish smile. Sasuke groaned, putting a hand to his forehead. He could feel a headache coming on.

"Tell me about it."

**∞**

On the drive home, Itachi was fighting two emotions: pissed and pleased. Pissed because instead of his customary and coveted goodbye hug, he barely managed to get an awkward sendoff with even awkward-er wording. Pleased because at least Sasuke didn't wish that his car would blow up and he burn to death in a roadside ditch somewhere. He was making some headway. Pissed because Sasuke had lied to him about the random guy in his house. Sure, he was attractive, but he wasn't one of Sasuke's college friends. Itachi kept of log of all of Sasuke's friends, but he had no way of knowing that, but that was beside the point. Pleased because if he wasn't one of Sasuke's recorded friends, then must have been a new lover. It was great that Sasuke was trying to move on, but Itachi knew nothing about him and had no time for a background check. So that also made him a little pissed.

He pulled up to his house nearly two hours later, so lost in his thoughts that he was driving slower than usual and almost did end up in a roadside ditch. He saw that Sai's car was parked outside in the driveway, and groaned aloud. He really didn't feel like dealing with him and his insatiable sex drive right now.

"Welcome back." Sai said sultrily, legs crossed while sitting on the counter. Very naked. Very, very naked. If Itachi wasn't lost in thought he probably would have noticed how completely un-fucking sanitary that was.

"Where have you been?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

"At Sasuke's." He said simply. _Wait for it…_

"Ah." Sai said, pursing his lips. "That's…nice." His eyes flashed, obviously irritated.

"Yes, it was." _No, it was terrible, but you don't need to know that._ Sai looked like he was about to say something, probably some smart ass comment, but Itachi's brain decided it had had some bad milk and wanted to have diarrhea.

"He has a new boyfriend, you know." He matter-of-factly. Both Sai's eyes shot up and he sat back a bit, giving Itachi a view of his private bits. Itachi would have rolled his eyes at its unimpressive-ness if he wasn't trying to murder himself with his brain. Why on earth would be say that? He didn't even know if they were-ugh!

"That was quick." Sai said with an unmistakable edge in his voice and a narrowing of his eyes.

"Almost _too_ quick." He followed up with.

"What, like he was seeing him before, you mean?" Itachi questioned.

"Seems like it." Sai said, hopping of the counter. His back was stiff and he crossed his arms. Still naked.

"You have right to be upset, you know, with all you've done." Itachi said pointedly. Sai huffed.

"That's different!"

"How so?"

"It's, ugh! Whatever, I don't want to talk about him anymore, okay? It doesn't matter." _Sure it doesn't._ Before Sai could say anything else, Itachi swooped in and kissed him. He would have to get Sai's mind off of Sasuke if he didn't want him to get really upset. But on the other hand, he should just let Sai be angry. Itachi knew personally that there was no way that Sasuke would have been seeing anyone while he and Sai were together, but apparently Sai didn't have such faith. Little fucker. But, kissing him had always been the best way to shut him up and get his mind of things, so he went with it. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew he would have to do this a lot in the near future. Great.

They ended up in the bedroom, getting hot and heavy, but part of Itachi's mind was set apart from the task at hand.

_He is cute, though, Naruto was it?_

_Wonder where he came from._


	3. Chapter 3

**3.**

"What about that one? I like that one." Naruto said, pointing to the adjoining rack of the one Sasuke was currently browsing on. Sasuke felt his eye twitch, but he took a deep breath and tried to calm himself.

"Naruto," He said patiently, "it's orange. There's an entire bag of orange t-shirts in the car, not to mention sneakers, armbands, socks, underwear, and even a freaking wallet. You don't need anything else orange." Naruto pouted, but Sasuke didn't think it was so cute this time around. He was really trying to be nice, he really was, by taking Naruto out shopping for clothes. He had decided over these two days that they had spent together getting to know each other (Well, Sasuke got to know Naruto, because Naruto swore up and down that he knew _everything_ there was to know about Sasuke) that it would be best if Naruto stayed as a human for the time being. Sasuke felt like maybe Naruto should get a taste of the real world. It had nothing to do with the fact that Sasuke did not really want to live in his house by himself after so long with someone else, or that he felt terribly awkward talking to a doll about the stock market or whatever. Right. Nothing to do with that at all.

Still, these last three days had been nice for the both of them. They got along fairly well, since Naruto was devoted to him and all that, even though they still butted heads on certain things— Like how Naruto insisted on doing everything for Sasuke like his laundry and the dishes, and then proceeded to get pissed when Sasuke told him he was a big boy and could handle himself. Then Sasuke would get mad when Naruto would not talk to him afterward until they would settle their differences with a poke war or a dish-soap fight that would leave them soaked and smiling. Sasuke rather liked their dynamic, however fresh and likely-to-change it was. He reveled in the fact that even though it had only been three days, he and Naruto argued nothing like he and Sai. Naruto and Sasuke's arguments were always lighthearted and fun (towards the end of them). They tended to disagree just for the sake of disagreeing. Sasuke felt like in this short time, he had gained an impromptu best friend. Someone that knew loads about him but didn't plan of using it against him. As far as he could tell, anyway. He genuinely liked Naruto. Which was a very rare thing. Like most people he knew, it took them years to get a simple 'hello' from Sasuke whenever he saw them, but Naruto had managed that and more in a few, short days. Maybe not in a romantic sense just yet, but he could see it coming to that. This magic friendship was a good basis for a strong relationship, at least that's what his mother always told him.

It took these last couple of days to realize where he went wrong—at least, in _one_ of the places—with Sai. Sai was by no means his friend. He did not go to him for juicy gossip (if Sasuke was in to the kind of thing anyway), or laugh at inappropriate things with him, or talk about people's ugly babies together. The used to be like that, in the beginning, but then the just ended up talking (fighting) about bills, and money, and staying out late, the house, and sex. Sasuke began to feel like he was Sai's dad more than he was his lover. Sai never wanted to grow up but still expected for Sasuke to support Sai's crazy lifestyle and _still_ be able party into the wee hours of the morning. He knew that every couple probably fought about all that sometimes, but it began to feel like they fought about it _all_ the time. Their fights were more like war sagas—plates thrown, hair pulled out, and someone (Sasuke) would most likely would end up slamming the door shut so hard it would threaten to come right off the hinges.

Sasuke hated that he tended to compare every experience he had with Naruto with Sai, but he did not really have anything else to base it off or could he really help it. Sai had been his longest, most serious relationship, as well as the most stressful. He almost couldn't believe that things were going so smoothly, but that remained to be seen. Especially because he was seriously contemplating murder if Naruto picked up one more fucking orange item off one more fucking rack.

"Orange is a _magnificent_ color, Sasuke. Don't hate." Sasuke rolled his eyes and turned around to look at him oddly.

"Where did you even learn slang?" He asked. Naruto shrugged his shoulders, throwing the latest orange shirt into the cart.

"You leave the TV on a lot." Naruto stepped in front of the cart protectively when Sasuke tried to pull the shirt out. Sasuke sighed, and ran his hand though his hair.

"Alright, Naruto, you can have that shirt but it's the last one for right now! No, no buts!" He said when Naruto opened his mouth undoubtedly to protest. "You also have to promise me that you _will_ get at least five other different colored shirts _and_ pants before you buy anything else orange, got it?" Sasuke tried to look stern, but his expression melted at the soft look of gratitude and warmth on Naruto's face. He felt himself smile slightly. He definitely had to get a handle on that. He smiled so much around Naruto. His smile was known to knock people out dead with its beauty (not to toot his own horn), he had to make sure, for the good of the people _of course_ , that no delicate women were nearby so the slaying wouldn't begin.

"This is really generous of you, Sasuke. I really appreciate it. Thank you." Naruto smiled so hard his eyes nearly disappeared, and Sasuke found himself chucking softly at how much he really looked like a fox.

"Don't mention it." It really was not that big of a deal to Sasuke, since even without his hefty salary from the station, he was still really freaking rich. He was an Uchiha, comes with the territory. There was thousands, if not _millions_ of dollars that sat in his bank accounts all dusty and lonely just waiting for him to come and spend it. Sasuke barely used any of it. He was not the "let's-blow-all-this-money-and-be-living-out-of-a-cardboard-box-that-used-to-hold-the-TV-you-bought-that-got-repo'ed-along-with-all-the-other-shit-you-bought" kind of guy. Using this money on Naruto when he needed it (even though Naruto seemed perfectly fine with sleeping and moving around in his old clothes—something about him liking Sasuke's scent on them, the creeper.) seemed like a logical choice. Not only that, he was trying to be…nice. It wasn't as hard as he'd thought it be. All you had to do was not destroy someone's life with one look and insult them a little less than you would the average passerby. Who knew? Naruto's actions gave the impression that he was happy about all of this, so Sasuke wouldn't really mention it.

Naruto smiled brighter, and with renewed vigor, finished up the remainder of their trip. Sasuke secretly rejoiced that the cashier did not look at them funny because Naruto had actually listened to him and not cleaned out the entire stock of orange items, even if he came close. He started to get excited, since he was holding most of the bags, when he saw that they were getting close to leaving. Did he not mention that he absolutely _abhors_ shopping? Well, he does, but this was not about him now so he managed to manage. His excitement quickly died the little bastard made a beeline for the food court. Naruto noticed Sasuke giving him a death glare and huffed.

"What? I'm starving!"

"There's food at home. We can buy our own beef to make our own hamburgers. It'll cost less." _Oh, God, what is happening it me? I'm turning into a fifty-year-old man! Quickly, I must find some teenagers to reassert my relevance!_ He actually found himself scanning the crowd for some kids, but then composed himself. He could just imagine how well it would go if he went up to some teens and asked them how he could be cool again. They would probably think he was some sort of creeper and call the cops and he's end up with in a cell with some butch girl named Chuck. He inwardly grimaced. He _really_ had to get a handle on his crazy musings. Slippery slope, much.

"Sasuke, Sasuke! What's a ke-bab?" Naruto asked excitedly, pulling him away from his thoughts. Sasuke chuckled slightly at the way Naruto struggled somewhat over the unfamiliar word. He seriously was like a little kid, with the way he was animated over every little knew thing that he came across. Sasuke was a little envious of him in that aspect. He wish he could be that enthusiastic about everything too.

"It's meat on a stick. Its good, trust me." He answered.

"Really? Awesome! Go get two of them, okay?" Sasuke raised an eyebrow at him.

"Who's supposed to be the master, here?" He asked playfully. Naruto puffed his cheeks out at him and placed his hands on his hips the best he could with all the bags weighing down his arms.

"But Saaasssukkeeee! My arms are going to fall off! And didn't we just have a talk about me not doing everything for you?" Naruto said triumphantly, waggling his eyebrows. Sasuke sucked his teeth since his _was_ his own argument.

"Ah. Touché." He said reluctantly.

"Exactly!" Naruto said, beaming. "I'll go get us a table while you order!" Even though Sasuke was sure he did not even know what the word meant, he let him have it.

Sasuke walked over to the kebab vendor, ordering two beef kebabs and paying with a ten. He was sure that Naruto liked beef, because he was some man-bear-pig sort of thing, and they had to be carnivores, right? Naruto always put a hurting on the breakfast links he kept in the fridge, so it would only make sense. Suddenly, he got a horrible feeling and a terrible smell reached his nose. He inhaled sharply, slightly alarming the vendor. It smelled like…doom. He panicked slightly and looked around quickly. No, he didn't see Itachi lurking about among the throngs of people. So who could it be? Wait…if it wasn't his brother, than that meant it could only be…

"Oh, you're cute, what's your name?" A bubbly, somewhat sultry voice said. He knew that voice anywhere. It undoubtedly belonged to perfectly-pump red lips that accompanied strawberry hair and sat below poison-green eyes. He shivered. Doom indeed. Sakura was leaning on Naruto's chair, one of her bright pink eyebrows raised coupled with an odd smile. It was no doubt to make her look sexy, but she kind of ended up looking like the Joker after he had good fun in Gotham (He would never, _ever_ , tell her that). She had probably just gotten off for lunch, so she was still dressed in her work outfit—White slacks and a rolled up pink shirt, sans her usual apron, all of which fit her perfectly. She looked good, as always, but that's what Sasuke was afraid of. If Naruto swung that way (or if he swung _any_ way, for that matter) he was bound to notice. Sasuke felt a little pebble of jealousy skip across his chest, but he quickly kicked it out of sight. Naruto was not his—well, he was, but that was beside the point— Sakura, or anyone, had the right to flirt with Naruto if they damn well pleased. He pretended not to notice when the sticks to the kebabs creaked under the pressure from his sudden grip on them. He gilded back over to the table before Naruto had the chance to respond.

"Sakura." He said smoothly, slipping into the chair across from Naruto. He nearly flinched when she straightened up so quickly and he was almost afraid she had hurt herself.

"Sasuke?" She said, eyes scrunching up in confusion. "I didn't expect you to be here!"

"OH, gimme Sasuke, I want that one!" Naruto said, completely ignoring her to point at the slightly larger kebab in Sasuke's right hand. Sakura looked down at Naruto, and then back at Sasuke. He could almost see the gears working in her head. A sly smile crossed her features. Sasuke sighed.

"Oh, so you two know each other? Makes sense." She said, trying to seem casual. The Cheshire grin gave her away, as well as the slight waggle of her eyebrows.

" **No**." Sasuke said simply. Sakura raised an eyebrow and poked her lips out.

"So you _don't_ know each other?" She asked in a singsong voice. Naruto opened his mouth to respond, but Sasuke proceeded to shove the kebab in his mouth and answer instead.

"You know _exactly_ what I mean, Sakura." He said calmly, careful not to break eye contact with her even though he wanted to look over to Naruto to check on him after he heard small choking sounds. He sent him a silent apology in his head. It had to be done. He loved Sakura like a sister, he really did, but she could be a busybody that jumped to conclusions quite often. If he didn't set her straight on this, he could expect to see the announcement about his and Naruto's engagement in the paper tomorrow.

"What the hell, Sasuke?!" Naruto coughed.

"Oh, you poor thing!" Sakura said, pulling up a chair to sit next to Naruto and dabbing the side of his mouth with a napkin.

"This is a two person table." He said, struggling to keep his voice calm. Dammit, all he wanted to do was go home! Was that too much to ask? Now he would have to sit though twenty questions!

"Well, now it fits three." She shot back sweetly. "And if it's not _like that_ , then what are you and him doing here?"

"I have a name, you know." Naruto said lightheartedly to her. They smiled at each other. The stick to Sasuke untouched kebab creaked a little more.

"And that is…?" She implored.

"Naruto."

"Naruto, that's adorable!" She said, bouncing excitedly. "So Naruto, are you bi?" She said with a smack of her lips. Naruto stared at her wide-eyed, an endearing little confused expression on his face.

"Sakura!" Sasuke hissed warningly, still trying to keep his voice low. "What is wrong with you? He-"

"Oh, chill Sasuke, I'm kidding!" She turned to look back at Naruto. "It's too bad, but I am already taken."

"Well that doesn't-"Sasuke said automatically. "Wait, what? Taken by who? You're dating someone?" He asked genuinely confused and curious. He hadn't been told anything about this. Some best friend she was.

Sakura waved her hand dismissively. "Oh? I could swear I told you about Sasori like, a while ago."

"Sasori? That creepy redhead?" Sasuke said with a hit of disgust. Naruto perked up when he heard the redhead part, but Sasuke shook his head at him. _No, he's not_ _ **like that**_ _, at least I don't think he is. It would make sense, though. Freaky bastard loves his puppets._ He sent to him mentally. Naruto seemed to understand and went back to watching Sakura.

"Oh, stop it. He's not creepy. You should see the size of his-"Sasuke slapped his hand over her mouth before she could finish, giving her an incredulous look.

"Sakura!" he said scandalously. She licked his palm until he grimaced and let go. He wiped his hand on a napkin and glared at her. She threw her hands in the air in mock surrender.

"Alright, alright, too far, I got it. You still never answered my question. What are you doing here?" She asked.

"We're shopping!" Naruto supplied brightly. Sakura looked at him briefly and then back at Sasuke.

"But you hate shopping!" Sakura said. Sasuke rolled his eyes, missing the way Naruto's face fell at her words and the way he bit his lip, downtrodden.

"He's my friend, and he needed clothes and stuff, so I brought him. It's not that big of a deal." Sakura stared at him, placing a hand on his knee and leaning in close to look him in the eyes. He held her gaze until it became too much and he began to fidget.

"What?" He asked warily.

"Are you feeling okay? You're not dying are you?" She asked bluntly. Sasuke's eyes were starting to become very well acquainted with the ceiling.

"Really? Is it so hard to believe that I would be selfless and help out a friend?" He asked dryly.

"Yes." She said with a nod in all seriousness.

"Then this would probably be a bad time to mention that we are also living together." He said. Even though he wasn't sure why he said it. He would probably end up telling her anything and everything about the whole situation anyway. Might as well start now.

"What?" she said with wide eyes. "Are you serious?" She asked, looking back are forth again between himself and Naruto, who Sasuke noticed had become a little quiet. When he saw that Sakura was looking at him, he gave her a weak smile, and Sasuke narrowed his eyes. Was something wrong? He had no idea. He would have to wait to talk to him to see what the matter was. Better to get Sakura out of here first.

"How long have you known each other? I've never heard you talk about him before! I've known you for years and you barely let me crash on the couch!" They both knew that was far from true, but Sasuke would let her try to make her point. "What possessed you to just ask him—because I know it was you—to live with you?" She asked breathlessly. He looked at her dead in the eye with huge cow eyes and spoke earnestly.

"It's a big house. I… got a little lonely." He bit his lip for effect. God, was he going to hell.

All the wonder flew straight out of her eyes, replaced by a cold understanding. She nodded and swallowed slightly.

"Oh." She said sadly. "I understand. I'm sorry Sasuke, I didn't mean to-"

He put his hand over hers and regarded her seriously. "It's okay Sakura. I'll talk to you later, okay? I have to go home now and I know you have to be back at work soon. I'll be going into work again tomorrow and we can have lunch like always, okay?" So he worked her a bit, sue him. He _really_ wanted to go home. Besides, he could admit that it was a little true. He did not need her asking to many questions about Naruto just yet, and that was a good a lie as any. However, using the big guns twice in one week? Usually he could make due with just intimidation. He was definitely slipping.

She nodded and kissed his cheek. "Okay!" She smiled. "Nice to meet you Naruto!" She said with a wave. She stood to leave.

"Nice to meet you too." Naruto said, returning it. Sasuke watched her walk off.

"You ready to go?" Sasuke asked, gathering up the bags and throwing out their trash. Naruto nodded hoisting his own set of bags onto his shoulder. They made their way out of the mall.

"You seem quiet, Naruto. Are you okay?" Sasuke asked on the way out to the car. Naruto looked like he was about to nod, but decided against it.

"If you really hated shopping so much Sasuke, you should have told me. I wouldn't have made us stay so long." Naruto said with a slight edge in his voice. Sasuke sent him a dry look and sucked his teeth.

"Don't listen to Sakura. If I really hated it so much, I would not have driven us to this _second_ mall, nor would I have went in _every_ store with you." Sasuke said. They reached the car and Sasuke unlocked the doors.

"But you-"

"Look, Naruto," Sasuke said, popping the trunk and dropping his bags inside of it. He gently grabbed Naruto's share and put them in too. "Don't worry, I may not like shopping all that much, but that doesn't mean I'm forcing myself to spend time with you, if that's what your worried about." It obviously was, as Naruto brightened completely, all traces of sadness gone. Sasuke shook his head in wonder. How did he do that?

"Really? Great! Cause I love being with you!" Naruto said happily. Sasuke raised an eyebrow and smirked.

"Is that so?" He said, laughing when Naruto blushed red.

"I-I mean, it's alright. You're kind of an ass." He tried to correct himself. Sasuke shook his head mockingly.

"Nope. No take backs. You already said it. Don't worry; it makes me feel all warm and cuddly to know just how much you enjoy my company."

"Shut up, asshole. It slipped!"

"I'm sure it did."

"But seriously," He said, obviously trying to change the subject, "How can you not like all this? There's so much stuff you can buy!" He said, titling his head skyward and spinning in a little circle with his arms spread out. Sasuke shook his head at him, his lips slanting upward into a smile at the joyous expression on Naruto's face.

"If you even think of going back in there right now I swear to god I'm going to leave you and change the locks to the front door." Sasuke said seriously, climbing in the driver side door.

"Ehh? What am I supposed to do with this?" Naruto said, gripping the leather cord with the shiny new gold key around his neck. It laid over a simple, blue diamond necklace that Naruto always wore. Sasuke nearly laughed at how protectively he was holding onto it. He could tell that little things like his own key would mean world to Naruto. He filed that information for later.

"It's already doubling as jewelry, idiot."

"Asshole!"

**∞**

**Three Years Ago**

The Egyptian cotton sheets were like a lover's caress on Sai's body. He smiled dreamily as curled the top cover around himself tighter. His lips stretched into a grin when his actual lover's hand slid up his thigh and rested on his hip. He fought of a shiver when he felt warm lips underneath his ear and an equally warm body melded to his back.

"Hey." Sasuke said, leaning to place a kiss on his shoulder. "Are you awake? I have to go soon."

Sai's eyes automatically snapped to the digital clock on the nightstand and he bit back a heavy sigh as the bright red numbers mocked him. He should have totally been used to it now, Sasuke having to wake up at ungodly hours to head into work. Somehow, it still bummed him out that most of the time Sasuke was long gone by the time the sun rose, which left Sai all by himself in the massive bed and the humongous house.

"Yeah, I'm up." He said with sleep muddling his voice. He yawned, stretched, and looked at Sasuke.

"Good." Sasuke said, placing a chaste kiss on his lips. Sai pouted at the way he avoided a deeper one, probably wary of Sai's morning breath. "I just wanted to say bye before I left, that I see tonight—9pm, I won't be late, I swear—and I hope you're ready for what comes after dinner tonight." Sasuke said with a suggestive waggle of his eyebrows. Sai laughed.

"Aren't I always?" He quipped back.

"True, true." Sasuke said with a nod and a smile.

Sai threw his legs off the side of the bed. He was up now; there was no way he would get back to sleep anytime soon. He grabbed Sasuke's hand when he reached the other said of the bed, leading him out of the bedroom and towards the front door.

"Come on, I'll walk you out." He said, silently appreciating the way Sasuke looked in a suit. They kept sending each other flirty, and _promising_ , glances as Sasuke gathered his things and his keys as he went out the door. Sasuke leaned in to kiss him again, but this time Sai grabbed the back of his neck and pushed his tongue in. Sasuke seemed a little surprised at first, but he went along with it. They went at it for a few minutes, until Sasuke pulled away with a groan.

"Why would you do that? Now I'm going to be hard all the way to work." He said with a theatrical whine, though his eyes told different story. Sai could not wait until Sasuke came back, he could tell that he was going to be _destroyed_ tonight. He shivered in delight.

"That was the point." Sai said with a sultry laugh. He cupped the front of Sasuke's pants and laughed harder when Sasuke gave a little squeak that was followed by one of his famous death glares.

"You're evil." He said with mock horror.

"You love it." Sai shot back. Sasuke hummed in the back of his throat.

"Hn. And I love you. See you later."

"Love you too. Drive safe!"

Sai waved him off until he could not see the taillights on the road anymore. He sighed, sliding down the back of the front door and banging his head against it slightly. It scared him sometimes how much he loved the man, it really did, but most of the time he couldn't help but feel a little disappointed.

He knew that it was selfish and childish, to want to monopolize all of Sasuke's time and attention, but he couldn't help it. Sasuke was great, if not a little cold sometimes. But Sai was the same way, so it didn't bother him much. It was almost like dating himself, which other people would tend to find creepy, but Sai thought that it was wonderful. They agreed on most things most of the time, which was a huge plus, they both really, _really_ liked sex, and it was absolutely freaking _magnificent_ with each other. But Sai always felt like the aspect of getting pampered was missing with Sasuke. His other lovers always wanted to cater to him, give him massages, and feed him bushels of grapes. Sasuke was more of the "why don't you go to a spa if your so stressed?" kind of guy. Sai did not hate it, but he did not love it either.

What he did hate was Sasuke having to be gone so often for his job. He understood that Sasuke had big dreams. After all, it had been three years since they had gotten wasted at a bar and ended up screwing each other in adjoining alleyway. It wasn't the same as back then. Everything was serious now, they weren't in college anymore. And even if Sai didn't consider age twenty four to be a super mature adult, they _were_ living together and Sasuke wanted to work hard so that he could be on the top of his game in a few years. Sai had no problem with that really, but it probably wouldn't suck so much if he had a 9 to 5 like Sasuke did. All he had to do was paint something, sell it, and wait for someone to ask him to paint something else. Sure, he made it sound easier than it was because, surely without the stability of dating an Uchiha, he would no doubt be playing the starving artist role.

The early morning hours were to be used "for twerking, not working" is what he always said. It wasn't like Sasuke really _had_ to work that much, he would be able to live comfortably until he was seventy if he never worked another day in his life. Sai was totally not jealous of that at all. No sir he was not. He was getting most of what he wanted now so there was no use in complaining over little things.

He stood slowly and stretched. He yawned. Actually, he was a little tired. Maybe he'd take a quick nap before getting up and starting the day.

* * *

His "little nap" turned out to be until noon. No matter, he didn't have much to do today anyway. He stood, padding his socked feet over to the bathroom and stripping down in record time to take a shower. While soaping up his hair, he froze, suddenly thinking back over the conversation he and Sasuke had. Why were they going to dinner tonight? It was almost like a date. Sai had said a long time ago, after they'd been together about a year and a half, that he didn't really see the point of those anymore. Sure, they went on them sometimes, but it was only for special occasions. After a year, they pretty much knew what, and who, they wanted to be with so they could stop pretending that they were only entertaining the idea of each other.

And before 12 am sex? Unheard of. Today must be something really— _oh, no. Oh GOD no_. He said to himself, shutting off the tap quickly. He hopped out the shower and wrapped a towel around himself quickly. He ran to the kitchen, skidding slightly in the tile floor because of his wet feet. He nearly yanked the calendar off of the wall in his haste, his eyes searching for—and there it was, the signal to his doom. Today's date, June 19th, was underlined with a single black line. Sasuke wasn't the type to circle a date and draw arrows pointing to it or little flowers and stars around it like other people would. He would just calmly take a black marker and slash a little line underneath it. It was such a Sasuke move that he nearly smiled but the feeling was quickly dashed out by crushing guilt. It was their fucking anniversary and he had fucking forgot!

He did a little panicked dance. Contrary to popular belief, even though Sasuke hated most people and most things, he _loved_ holidays. He never said it out loud of course, but any fool could see the way his eyes lit up when someone really adored the gift he got them, or the way he'd give a true smile, one with crinkled eyes and flashing gums, when someone got him a gift. It was one of those adorable qualities about Sasuke that made Sai love him even more. He would be damned if he showed up with a cupcake with a candle in it and no gift in tow at dinner tonight. He had already did that last year for Sasuke's birthday and _still_ felt like shit about it. Sasuke had looked at the cupcake and then at Sai's guilty and embarrassed face, sighed heavily to try and hide his disappointment (it didn't work) and blew out the candle.

He didn't talk to Sai for three days after that.

Didn't even eat the cupcake.

Sai didn't have time for all that this time around. There would definitely be no sex tonight. Or maybe ever again. He had to think quickly. He had no time to order something specially made (which is no doubt what Sasuke did for him, fuck), and he wasn't going to go get a card and some candy from fucking Walgreens, that was for damn sure. So, in record time, he washed his "important areas", threw on his clothes, brushed his teeth and hopped in the car heading towards downtown.

Only to find there was nothing worth buying that would be good enough for Sasuke.

There were t-shirts, but that was terrible. Sasuke had more than enough clothes, shoes, watches, you name it. He didn't need a new wallet, so that was out. He looked around fruitlessly for _something_ , but he was coming up short. _Again_. Everything he did always managed to fail spectacularly. This was definitely about to be one of the worst nights ever.

He sighed, and his shoulders slumped. He reluctantly made his way back to his car, thinking up an excuse about why he had nothing for tonight. He was down two only two choices—he got robbed or was kidnapped by gift-destroying bad guys when someone whistled at him from his left. He turned, seeing a lone booth standing there with dozens of dolls on display. He was a little surprised because he could have _sworn_ that there was nothing there before, but was distracted by the vendor who stood with a giant smile on his face.

A man with stars for eyes stood in front of him, gravity-defying sliver hair swaying back in forth in the wind. Sai didn't miss how undeniably attractive this man was, but if there was one thing he couldn't stand, it was being whistled at like he was some sort of chick.

"Excuse me?" He said a little irritably, but the man didn't seem bothered by his tone. He motioned for Sai to come over, and he did, even if he did it warily. He wasn't too sure if he should be talking to random pop-up-out-of-nowhere men on an eerily and suddenly empty street, but it was a bit too late for that now. Besides, the man sold dolls, how tough could be?

"Good sir! I've watched you look around in vain, back and forth, back and forth, for a suitable gift, only to come away empty handed! Oh, woe be to you! But fear not, I have just the soul-ution! Rest your weary eyes on my specially made dolls of wonder!" The man said with an even bigger smile. Sai looked at him like he had grown to heads. What the hell was this? Shakespeare in the park? Why the heck was he talking like that? He instinctively took a step back.

"What is _wrong_ with you?" He said, giving him an odd look. _I take it back, this guy is a total axe-murderer._

The man's bright smile fell, and he even pouted a little. He sighed, and his shoulders fell a little. Sai even felt a little bad for hurting the man's feelings.

"Ah!" the vendor said. "So you're not feeling my presentation? Maa. Figures. You seem like the kind of guy that enjoys all the wrong things." He said with a shrug. Sai felt his eye twitch.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" he said indignantly. The man shrugged again.

"Whatever you want it to." He said cryptically, an odd little twinkle in his eye.

"Whatever!" Sai said impatiently. "Stop wasting my time!" He said with a huff, turning around to make his way back to his car. He silently cursed the man. Even if it was only five minutes, it was five minutes he didn't have to waste. He checked his watch. It was nearly three o'clock and he was still shit out of luck. He sighed. He would have to make double time at the next shopping cent—

He paused, eyes bugging out when the same display came into view. The man was smiling at him, beckoning him over, _again_ , and Sai felt a chill go down his spine. He looked back down the street from which he just came. The stand was gone.

"What the hell?" He muttered.

Sai kept walking, determined to get into his car and speed the fuck away. He made it down another block, only for the same stand to come into view on the corner with the same silver haired man. He checked the street signs to make sure he had actually been _moving_. Yep, they were different, so how—? He stomped over to him.

"How the hell are you doing this?" He demanded, even though he felt majorly freaked out. This guy could…could teleport or something. There was no way that he could have made it down the street, cart and all, before Sai had. Not with how fast he was walking!

"It's fate that you buy something from me today." The man said simply. Sai ran a sweaty hand over his face and sighed.

"Okay, okay. I'll get something. I don't have time for this. Show me what you have."

The man smiled again, pointing to each doll as he spoke.

"Does your lover believe in destiny?" He said, pointing to a plushy with long, brown hair and a stylish little white outfit on. It had a little green tattoo on its head that Sai kind of liked. The doll was really pretty, but it didn't seem right for Sasu—

"Wait, how did you know this was for my lover? Wait, you know what, never mind. I don't think that one is good for Sasuke."

The man didn't seem to have a problem with Sai not picking that one. In fact, it was almost like he expected it. He pointed his finger to another.

"What about fine dining?" He asked, pointing to a quite rotund doll with spiky hair and tiny, red spirals on his cheeks. The way his little head thingy was set it looked like he had underwear on his head. Sai let out a little chuckle.

"No, not that on either."

"Maa, Maa, you're picky! Well how about this one?" He said, picking up the doll this time and handing it to Sai. Sai barely heard him, though, as he was too focused on what was in front of him. The painted blue eyes seemed to be looking straight through him. He sucked in a little breath. Its features were obviously meticulously added, just like the rest of the plushies, but something about this one screamed at him. It had on an orange and black jumpsuit, a headband with some kind of overturned snail on it, and a simple blue crystal necklace with a braided chain. Its little sewn smile was wide and happy, and it made Sai want to smile back at it. He turned the doll over carefully, pulling out a little scroll that was attached to the back of it with great delicacy. In neat, curved letters the scroll, read:

_Uzumaki Naruto_

_Bringer of Sunshine_

_Lover of Ramen_

The rest of the text on the bottom didn't matter to Sai, so he ignored it. He turned the doll back over, smiling again when he gazed down at its little face.

"I knew you'd like that one." The man said haughtily.

"How much?" Sai asked breathlessly, caught up in the sparkle of little Naruto's eyes.

"Free of charge." He said. It took Sai a little while to realize what he said.

"What?" He asked, surprised. But he was even more surprised to comprehend that the stall, along with all the other dolls and the vendor, were gone, as if none of it had ever existed. He blinked, staring at the bare street corner for what seemed liked hours. He looked around, noticing that the street was busy again and time seemed to be moving at a much faster pace. He looked down, happy that Naruto was still in his hands. His mind was too caught up on how to wrap him and present him to Sasuke to even comprehend the obviously-not-anyway-possibly-normal-happening that just happened to happen to him just now.

He just knew that Sasuke would love it. Naruto was like the complete opposite of Sasuke, but Sai knew without a doubt that they would fit perfectly together. And, to add icing to the cake, Sasuke had always had this really weird obsession with ninjas. Sai had thought it weird before but now he would use it to his advantage. It would seem like he had thought this gift out long ahead of time. Naruto even had a little pouch on his side with kunai and shuriken to boot.

 _Oh yeah_ , he thought with a giddy little dance that warranted him some strange looks, _I'm going to get me some dick tonight!_

**∞**

Like all good things, Sasuke's break came to an end. He dreaded have to go back into work, not really for himself, more so for Naruto. He hated to admit it, even to himself, but he _really_ enjoyed Naruto's company. Naruto made him feel calm, and less like he was going to murder someone. Not to mention that once he got over the fact that Naruto could transform into a fox-bear-thing, it was really kick-ass that Naruto could transform into a fox-bear-thing. He liked having a protector that could vanquish his enemies with a swish of a fire-covered tail. He just wished he had better opportunities to use it, as bad as that sounded. Rival TV-stations didn't really deserve to be burned down just because they had gotten better views on a given week. Still, flaming-tails giant bear-fox Naruto was awesome.

"Seriously, Sasuke! I'm fine by myself, I don't need to come with you. Besides, I stay here by myself all the time, _remember_?" Naruto said, hands on his hips. Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"I wasn't asking, idiot. You're coming with me, that's an order." Naruto huffed, but his shoulders slumped in defeat.

Oh yeah, Sasuke totally forgot to mention that he had found out that if he told Naruto to do something instead of asking him that Naruto had this weird little honor code that he lived by (Sasuke wasn't sure if it was forced upon him or made up. he didn't ask; he was too manically gleeful about it.) that made him listen to whatever Sasuke had to say. He didn't go about it as quietly as Sasuke would have liked, though.

"You're a bastard, you know that?" He said with a glare. "A bastard and a tyrant!"

Sasuke resisted the urge to stick out his tongue. God, Naruto was turning him into such a child. He was glad that none of his family was around to see him, they wouldn't believe at all that perfectly poised and proper little Sasuke had tickle fights and soap wars (So washing the dishes together after dinner always got a little out of hand, so what?) with some guy he barely knew. He shook his head at the thought.

"So don't listen to me, then." He said with a mocking shrug. "Do whatever you want."

"You know I won't, you asshole! Gah! I hate you so much!" Naruto threw his hands up, frustrated.

"Sure you do." Sasuke said with an evil smile.

"Shut up and come on, ya dick! We're going to be late!" Naruto said, grabbing his coat and making his way out the door.

"So now _you're_ going to rush me?"

* * *

Now Sasuke was seriously irritated. Naruto was right, he _should_ have just left him at home. Everyone was fawning over Naruto like he was baby Jesus (everyone had even made a little circle around him, only Naruto's bright hair visible to Sasuke) and Sasuke was getting really, really fed up with it. Once again, it wasn't like Naruto belonged to him—Even though he kind of _did_ —but dammit, there was a limit! Once one of the camerawomen grabbed at Naruto's ass he'd had just about enough. It took all his Uchiha prowess not to stomp over there, grab Naruto, and proceed to show them all what for.

"You sure move fast, Uchiha." A positively fucking annoying voice said from behind him. He turned slowly, fighting down a sneer, and got a face full of shark-like teeth.

"Suigetsu." He said dryly. "I have no idea what you mean." Sasuke lifted his nose high in the air and sniffed. He ignored how Suigetsu leaned in a little closer than necessary to talk quietly to him.

Sasuke truly hated this guy. He was a serious world-class dick. And coming from Sasuke that was saying something. The star weatherman on channel 15, Suigetsu Whatever-the-fuck-his-last-name-was was always and forever trying to get into Sasuke's perfectly tailored pants. It had been years, like, since they were just a bunch of interns' _years_ , since he had first tried to ask Sasuke out, and Sasuke, as not make-you-want-to-curl-up-in-a-corner-and-die as he could, turned him down. Sasuke wasn't exclusive with anyone at the time, but Suigetsu was a co-worker, it would have been awkward if it hadn't worked out. _And_ he was a world-class dick, which was kind of a deal breaker. He never really formally asked again, but he made sure to drop little hints here and there that he was still interested for whenever Sasuke was free to date again. Which, as far as Sasuke dating Suigetsu was concerned, would be **never**.

"Oh, ho! You can't fool me, didn't you just drop a certain black haired wannabe a few weeks ago? Now you show up with this guy. Impressive, I must say." Sasuke pretended not to hear the smidgen of jealously that crept into his words. Sasuke scoffed.

"I'm not "with" him, as if it's any of your business. He's a friend." He discreetly tried to put some space the two of them, but Suigetsu 'discreetly" followed the motion and stepped in even closer.

"Oh? Is your widdle heart still bwoken, Sasuke? I can understand it. Sai was quite the catch. I can't lie, I wanted me some of that." He said. Sasuke narrowed his eyes _. Some of me, you mean._ Really, he wasn't being cocky, everyone here knew how much Suigetsu chased after Sasuke. Hell, everyone _this side of the Mississippi_ knew how much he wanted him. But seriously, with comments like that, who could blame him for thinking the guy was an ass?

"Forgive me if I don't think that was appropriate." He said humorlessly. Before Suigetsu could respond, Naruto miraculously broke free from his new disciples and jogged over to the two of them. He noticed how particularly upset that camerawoman was about his departure and added her to his hit-list. Which was, unsurprisingly, getting larger by the second.

"Sasuke! This place is so cool and everyone is so nice!" He said with a huge grin, not even acknowledging Suigestu's existence. Sasuke smirked at that.

"Yeah, I guess. Naruto, you need to—"

"Naruto, is it?" Suigetsu said, taking position in front of Sasuke with his hand outstretched. Little fucker cut him off. If Sasuke's eyes got any narrower he would be looking at the back of his eyelids. "I'm Suigetsu, weatherman extraordinaire, at your service!" Naruto gave him a blinding grin which Suigetsu returned. He threw a look over his shoulder to Sasuke and—yep, now his eyes were closed. He quickly opened them again.

"Suigetsu—"he growled warningly.

"Sasuke, Suigetsu, five minutes till go-time!" One the producers called. Sasuke clenched his fists. What was with everyone cutting him off today?

"Well, Naruto." Suigetsu said. Sasuke _really_ didn't like the way he said his name. "They won't let you stay when we're live so how about I show you the break room?"

"No, that's okay." Naruto said, waving his arms in front of him. Sasuke felt triumph and Suigestu's failure. "I actually think I'm about to leave."

"What, Naruto?" Sasuke said. "I told you that—"

"Oh, alright." Suigetsu said slowly. Sasuke turned his head and mustered up the nastiest glare he could. Suigetsu flinched. _One more fucking time and I swear to god that I will end you._ He sent thought his eyes. Suigetsu got the message.

"It was nice meeting you, Naruto." He squeaked and scurried away.

Little bitch.

"Naruto, I told you to stay here." He said. "What's up with you?" Naruto huffed.

"I'm gonna be bored waiting for you here. I could easily do the same thing, which will be _nothing_ , back at home."

"I thought you said everyone was nice here?" He responded, feeling a little offended for his coworkers, even though he hated all of them. He was complicated.

"Yeah, but everyone's gonna start working soon and I'll be by myself. I promise I won't break anything while you're gone, okay? And dinner will be done by the time you get back, scouts honor." He said while giving him a two-fingered salute.

"You're not even a scout. How do you even know what a scout is?" he questioned.

"I told you, you leave the TV on a night _a lot._ " Sasuke laughed a little, but then he became somber again. _That's not even close to the problem and you know it_. His mind whispered.

"Naruto—"he started, but Naruto raised a hand to quiet him. Naruto gently took Sasuke's hands in his own. Sasuke could feel everyone's eyes in the studio on them. He knew they couldn't hear what they were saying, but he still wished they had a little privacy for whatever Naruto was about to say. He couldn't muster up a feeling of embarrassment, though.

"Sasuke." He looked deep into his eyes, maybe even beyond, and spoke more seriously than Sasuke could have even thought possible for him. "I'm not going to leave while you're gone. I'll be right there waiting for you, okay?"

Sasuke felt his eyes widen and his breath catch. How did he even know—? Oh right, It wasn't as if Naruto had just popped into life. He'd been sitting on that mantel for three years, and he'd seen everything that had happened in that living room since. _Everything_.

"Okay." He said quietly after a few beats of silence. Naruto gave him a brilliant smile.

"O-one minute till we're live." The same producer said quietly. Sasuke almost laughed at the reluctance to interrupt whatever magical atmosphere they had created. But the feeling was crushed by an even weirder feeling that over took him.

"Okay." He said firmer this time." See you at home, Naruto." Naruto tipped his head to the side and gave him a sweet smile. No teeth showing, but his eyes crinkled in such a way that Sasuke felt like this one was special, one that was meant for him and him only. Sasuke felt something warm and bright blossom in his chest.

"See you at home, Sasuke." And with that, he was gone.

Sasuke tried to keep a poker face as he walked over to his desk. He ignored the sparkly cow eyes of all the women (and men, much to his embarrassment.) around him. He sat, straighten his papers once, twice, three times, for good measure, and checked the teleprompter, memorizing the first few words so he wouldn't slip up.

His eyes caught Suigestu's right before they began, those purple eyes narrowed with envy. His sneer was so ugly and harsh as if to say: _Not "with" him, my ass._

He sighed.

"Okay! Three, two one—"

Seriously, fuck this day.

"Go!"

" _Gooood afternoon_ , Konoha!"

**∞**

He began feeling a little weird after the little incident at studio. He could not really explain it. All he knew was that he felt like a fucking idiot. He wanted to kick himself. In the face. With a steel-toed boot. Repeatedly. He had made an ass of himself in front of Naruto about something stupid. Of course Naruto wasn't going to leave! Why did he even have to go there with himself? Sure, Sai might do some shit like that, pack up all his stuff and call him later to tell him he was gone after finding a million empty hangers. But Naruto wasn't that kind of guy. _You didn't think Sai was that kind of guy, either._ A traitorous part of his mind whispered to him. He sighed for what had to be the thousandth one today.

He was trying to take this slowly. Start off as friends, build up slowly, and see where it went from there. He didn't want to jump into this foolhardily and end up being crushed again. He didn't want to thrust all his ridiculous emotions on Naruto right now, even if they were too heavy to deal with by himself. He knew he was heading towards dangerous ground, keeping everything bottled up. He was usually just aggressive and shouted to the skies (and anyone that was unfortunate enough to be around) about how angry he was. But he didn't want to come off as a whiny little bitch to Naruto.

But doesn't everyone get to do that just once?

He wasn't sure. He was used to having these-these _emotions._ They felt so foreign and _stupid_ that he just wanted to shoot himself because life wasn't worth living if he was going to feel like this for the rest of it. He couldn't do anything like that, so he had to figure out a way to become cold and emotionless again. Maybe he should give his brother a call. He sighed again. _I would hate myself if Naruto ever became sad over me._

He immediately blushed crimson. _Really? What happened to taking it slow, Sasuke? You already fucking like him! And you're fooling yourself if you think he likes you as more than a friend or someone he has to protect! Protect yourself, while you're at it!_

"It goes all the way to your ears!" Naruto said with a lighthearted laugh, breaking the heavy silence.

"What?" Sasuke asked, lifting his head and shaking away his thoughts. "What are you talking about?"

Up until now, dinner had been a quiet affair. Sasuke figured that Naruto had noticed that something was on his mind and left him to his own devices. Honestly, he had expected for Naruto to talk his head off, but he could tell that Naruto noticed how lost in thought he was and kept quiet as not to bother him. He silently thanked him for that. Although, he had no idea what Naruto was on about now.

"You know, when you blush, it goes from your cheeks to your ears."

"Really? No one has ever told me that." Sasuke said with a slight hum.

"Yeah, just something I noticed."

Sasuke looked down at his hands in his lap, absently winding his finger together.

"I get the feeling," He started softly, lifting his eyes to meet Naruto's as he spoke. "That you tend to notice a lot of things about me, Naruto."

Naruto's mouth stretched into a grin, his hand rubbing the back his head. He titled his head to the side and spoke just as softly.

"Yeah, I kind of do."

Sasuke stood without a word to Naruto and left his dish in the sink, disappearing into his bedroom. He heard Naruto sigh behind him.

Later that night, at some odd, random hour, Sasuke crept into the guest room where Naruto slept. He smiled softly at how Naruto's hair still glowed in the darkened room, illuminated by the moonlight. He sat down on the edge of the bed carefully, as not to wake him. He absently ran his fingers through Naruto's hair as he gazed out the window.

 _It's too late, you already like him. Just make sure he's not a replacement for Sai._ He said to himself. He stopped his hand motion and looked down as Naruto's brow furrowed. He mumbled something incoherent and snuggled into the pillow. Sasuke patted his head and stood, casting one last glance back at Naruto before he made his way out.

He wasn't sure how to deal with this. Sure, everything was great now, but if things took a romantic turn with Naruto, everything would probably end up spiraling to hell. Right now, Naruto did not have to deal with all that came with a relationship with Sasuke. He did not have to see his cruelness, anger, or cynicism. He would not have to deal with insecurities or possessiveness. Did not notice his rare but present neediness that arose at the worst of times. To Naruto, Sasuke was a supernova star; a bright, beautiful burst of light that had died long ago but its brilliance was only reaching him now.

Sasuke was just waiting for the shine to wear off.

He closed the door.


	4. Chapter 4

**4.**

If Mikoto could have her way, Sasuke would still be a rosy-cheeked little tyrant that she could snuggle all the time and she'd still waving Itachi off when he walked into kindergarten. But she couldn't. Her wonderful little boys were all grown up now, living in an adult world with adult issues. And if she could have her way, she'd make everyone around her realize that she wasn't deaf, dumb, blind, or stupid.

Easier said than done.

For a long time she knew the saying: "behind every powerful man lies and faithful and strong woman." That couldn't been more true. Fugaku may have been a genius in the business world, but Mikoto was a genius…everywhere else. Shocker, huh? Her boys had to get it from somewhere. That being said, she knew this fallout between Itachi and Sasuke was coming for a very, very long time.

She also knew that she couldn't do a damn thing about it.

She had noticed, when they were younger, how Itachi always managed to be wherever Sasuke needed him to be, and at first thought nothing of it. It was only when Sasuke hit the sixth grade and Itachi was only a year away from graduating high school that she realized that Itachi _followed him around_. What was she supposed to say to that? Stop looking out for your brother? Stop being a creeper? She hadn't known what to do. Her only thought at the time was: _Itachi_ _ **really**_ _needs a hobby_. And she told him that. No really, she did. Honest. And do you know what he said? _Sasuke_ _ **is**_ _my hobby_. She didn't know what to say to that, either. Not to mention that it scared the ever-living fuck out of her. So she let him go on his merry, _fanatical_ way.

Failure count: 1

She tried to discretely go to her husband about it, carefully dropping hints that their oldest son may or may not be bat-shit insane with a huge brother-complex and she was afraid that he might push Sasuke away with his obsessiveness. Her dumbass— ** _wonderful_** , wonderful is the word she _meant_ to use—husband only shrugged his shoulders. Giving her one of those "You have no idea what you're getting into" looks and patting her head like a child.

"I do have many enemies, Mikoto-dear, it's good that Itachi always knows where Sasuke is. He's less likely to get hurt or worse."

"So what are you saying?" She asked with narrowed eyes.

"I saying you should probably just leave it alone. They're not kids anymore, they can handle things between themselves. "He shrugged again. She refrained from punching him. She wasn't stupid, she knew that he was a little scared of Itachi too and didn't want to get involved.

"Sasuke's eleven for Christ's sake, Fugaku, He still needs me! His balls haven't even dropped yet! He shouldn't have to worry about someone watching his every move! Especially if it's his _brother_! He should be worried about schoolwork and _girls_!

(Failure count: 2)

"Honey…" Fugaku said. At least she wasn't the only one that didn't know what to say. Ha.

"Please, dear, just talk to him about it, okay? For me?" Even if they had been married a long time, her fluttering lashes and cow-eyes still worked like a charm on her husband. After all, Sasuke learned from the best. He begrudgingly agreed.

"Alright." He said, pecking her on the forehead. "I'll try."

He failed.

If anything, it got worse after that, and Itachi made it known to the whole family—over dinner of all things, she'd worked so hard on that one—that no one was even getting _near_ Sasuke to try and date him. Let's not even comment that Sasuke would probably never be intimate with anyone ever without worrying about looking up from the bed and seeing Itachi peeking out of the closet. _Over his dead body_ is what she remembers him saying, she also remembers having to stand in between her _wonderful_ boys as Sasuke tried to stab him over her shoulder with a kitchen knife and Fugaku called the police. _Don't think I won't fucking do it_! A sixteen-year-old Sasuke shrieked, fighting to get past her. She tried to keep them as far away from each other as possible without getting stabbed herself. _Well, then, I hope your boyfriend likes ghosts, cause I'm going to haunt your ass for the_ _ **rest of your life**_. Itachi responded in that dry tone of his.

It was a stressful night.

Afterwards, things cooled off, if that was the word for it. Her boys got along a little better, and Sasuke didn't seem to get even remotely serious with anyone else (much to Itachi's _manic_ glee).The creeper. Hey, he was her son, she carried him for nine months and such, she can call him a creeper because it's _true_. It was also towards the end of Sasuke's senior year that Itachi came out of the closet. More or less, anyway. He didn't like to be touched, nor did he like public displays of affection…or affection in general, really. Unless you counted his _special_ type of affection that he gave to Sasuke—actually, on second thought, don't count that. Mikoto couldn't see how any type of relationship would work if someone couldn't so much as tap his shoulder without running the risk of having their wrist broken, but she wisely kept her mouth shut, smiled, and gave him a big hug. Fugaku wasn't so forthcoming. It wasn't as if he didn't accept him, it's just that he _really_ wanted grandchildren—A continued line to pass down the company and all that. And they both missed the pitter-patter of little feet—he still smiled and patted him on the back for his honesty. They then had a group hug (suggested by Mikoto of course), but she didn't even have to force anyone to do it. They all just stepped in silently and put their arms around each other, heads leaning on others shoulders for support. Mikoto couldn't lie, she had to close her eyes to ward off the upcoming tears. It hadn't been this peaceful in a long time. All was right with the world.

But then there was Sai.

To be completely and utterly honest, she hated the little fuc— ** _wonderful_** young man. Not many knew this, as Sasuke still told her most things before anyone else, but Sai had started off as a one-night stand. She didn't necessarily approve of such late night activities (picking people up in clubs has always been a surefire way to get strange bumps the next morning, is what she always thought.) and foolishly thought that that would be the end of it. Sadly, that was not the case. Like, _six years_ not the case. It was almost like having a daughter-in-law, _almost_ , with the way he dressed in those ridiculously _gay_ cropped shirts and how he loved to paint his and her nails so they matched. She could also swear that he added a touch of eyeliner when they went out sometimes. Not that there was anything wrong with that, but…still. He was emotionless and distant (more so than Itachi or Sasuke, which was surprising.) and pretty much had his nose so high in the sky that she was sure he was smelling mountain air. She had no idea what he appeal was to either of her sons, although she wasn't sure if the somewhat magical pull he had that drew people in was a powerful for Itachi as it was for Sasuke.

Once again, she wasn't stupid.

Somehow, in the back of her mind, she knew that this had something to do with Itachi's over-protectiveness but she couldn't be sure. It didn't make sense to her as to why Itachi would steal Sai away from Sasuke. Last time she had checked he hated his guts. A lot. A _whole_ lot. She couldn't talk to either of them about it, for she was pretty sure Sasuke wouldn't know if Itachi had some secret plot in the works (he never could figure him out, the poor boy) and Itachi would just shut down on her, showing her his best impression of a statue. She was sure, however, that Sai really needed to get the fuck out of her boys' lives so that they could end this cold war of theirs. The little bastard was harder to shake than fleas, it seemed.

She hoped they got their shit together soon, because Mama don't like taking sides.

**∞**

"Hey, Naruto, do you ever wonder, like, where you actually came from?" Sasuke asked on a random Sunday morning. It'd had been exactly three months since Sasuke's little "embarrassing realization", and he and Naruto had fallen back into step with normalcy. Well, at least as normal as the two of them could get. And Naruto, the blessed little angel, let Sasuke freak the fuck out about liking him (he didn't know that Sasuke's problem as about him, but that was beside the point) and sulk and brood (until Sasuke got tired of even doing that) without a word.

Sasuke really might have to just marry him if things kept going like this.

Seriously, Naruto was the only person he'd ever met—besides his mother, but even she had her limits— that let him be his full angst-filled self, walking around contemplating the meaning of life, without getting annoyed or trying to stay out of his way. Sasuke was _really_ grateful for that so, as repayment, he heaped riches and glory upon Naruto. Kidding, he took Naruto shopping whenever he wanted to go (he really liked shopping) and bought ramen by the ass-load (he _loved_ ramen, apparently). He had absolutely no idea as to how Naruto got a taste for ramen when he supposedly didn't _exist_ before, but Sasuke didn't like to ask too many questions, and he partly didn't care. Naruto's face always lit up whenever Sasuke brought him some, so it was worth it in his book.

But something was nagging at him since Naruto decided to semi-permanently stay as a human. He knew that Sai had bought Naruto, but what he wanted to know was _where_. Years ago, when he'd asked about it, Sai had just told him that Naruto came from a "stall on the side of the street that wasn't really there." Sasuke had thought him high on drugs or something, because there was no way that that made sense, but now the words kept rolling around in his head. It kept giving him an odd feeling until finally he couldn't take it anymore. The curiosity was killing him.

"What do you mean?" Naruto asked with a raised eyebrow, one hand reaching for a slice of toast. Sasuke shrugged.

"I mean, do you know if you just popped out of thin air or if you were like, "manufactured" or something?" Sasuke said a bit ineloquently. Naruto looked thoughtful for a second, before mimicking him with a shrug.

"I remember there was this guy that always talked to us." Sasuke didn't have to ask who "us" was. It was obviously the others like him. "And he would tell us what we had to do, which was protect, and not to become Intangibles and all that."

"Anything else?" Naruto's eyes screwed up in concentration, but he drew blanks.

"No, the rest of it is kind of hazy. I think the guy's name was "She" or something." It was Sasuke's turn to raise an eyebrow.

"His name was she?"

"I don't know! I'm probably remembering wrong. Why'd you ask?" Naruto questioned. He shrugged again.

"Just curious." Naruto looked somewhat disappointed.

"Oh. I wish I could have been more help to you, then." He said, twiddling his fingers. Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"Its fine, Naruto, don't worry about it." He said. "That _was_ helpful, thank you." He added. Naruto smiled at him, happy with that answer.

"Cool! So what do you want to do on this fine Sunday, Sasuke?" He asked, bouncing slightly in his seat. Sasuke felt the edges of his mouth twitch, and he silently patted himself on the back for being able to please Naruto so easily.

It hadn't taken him long at all to figure out just what it was that made him happy. It was simple, actually. Naruto always got very happy if Sasuke was happy. Which in turn, made Sasuke _happier_ that Naruto was pleased and smiling. And so, a cycle was born. Being around each other was mutually beneficial. Which as an added plus for Naruto's residency here. Sasuke found himself smiling more around _everybody_ , which had gotten him more than enough phone numbers stuffed into his pocket and even a few "take me now, my body is ready." Propositions. He politely (he even did things politely now!) turned all of them down. Not that some of the people weren't attractive, it was really the itty-bitty fact that if someone (flirty or not) got within two feet of Sasuke without his permission, Naruto's eyes would turn red, his claws would come out, and he's start with that creepy low growl of his. Sasuke usually didn't let it get any farther than that. So, he'd smile, grab Naruto, and run like hell before there was a massacre in the middle of the town square.

He concluded that Naruto _really_ did not like to share.

Which was fine, mostly. The only people Sasuke truly spent time with was Sakura (Sakura and Naruto got along swimmingly, even if she kept thinking that they were _together_.) and his mother and father (who Naruto had yet to meet). The rest of his various friends and family members were divvied up into special time-slots and handled accordingly. So until there was a time where Naruto's I'll-rip-out-your-throat-and-feed-it-to-you attitude got in the way, he thought it best not to correct him on it. He also opened up the blinds more in the house, to let a little more sun in. It really helped with the ambiance.

"Wait, Naruto, don't you have a tag or something? You know, one with information about you on it?" Sasuke asked after a few moments of silence. Naruto's eyes lit up. Obviously he hadn't thought of that.

"Oh yeah!" _Idiot._

Naruto spun around again and again, like a dog chasing its tail, trying to see where his tag was on his back. Sasuke squished the bridge of his nose with two fingers and sighed, squeezing his eyes shut.

"Naruto." He said in a very patient tone. "You're not a doll right now. Humans don't have tags." Naruto smiled sheepishly at him. He jumped backwards, then directly up in the air. When he came back down he fell into Sasuke's awaiting hands as a doll. Sasuke chuckled at his odd little transformation.

" _Hurry up and look, Sasuke! When I'm like this, you're so big_!" Naruto projected into his mind. Sasuke had a brief flash of another, more… _satisfying_ situation where Naruto would be saying the same thing, but quickly shook it away.

 _One thing at a time, Sasuke, one thing at a time._ He told himself.

 _"What do you mean by that?"_ Naruto asked.

_Don't read my mind dumbass!_

_"Don't call me a dumbass, asshole! And hurry up! My waffles are getting cold!"_

_Alright, Alright!_

Sasuke flipped him over quickly, ignoring Naruto's indignant " _Hey_!" and found what he was looking for. He scanned the tag quickly.

_Uzumaki Naruto_

_Bringer of Sunshine_

_Lover of Ramen_

Sasuke chuckled. That much was true. He looked farther down to see if that had any information on the location.

_Infinity Hill, Middle of Nowhere._

"What the fuck?" He said aloud. Naruto began to shake in his hands, signaling that he was ready to change back. After he did, he faced Sasuke, bouncing again in his excitement.

"What? What did it say?" He asked.

"The place you were made is called "Infinity Hill" I guess."

"Really, that sounds familiar! So where is it? Can we go?" Sasuke shook his head.

"Apparently it's located in the middle of nowhere." He said dryly. Naruto frowned.

"Is that supposed to be some kind of joke?" He said. "Cause it sucks if it is." Sasuke could tell that he was disappointed. Sasuke sighed and went to clear the dishes off of the table.

"Sorry to get your hopes up, Naruto." He said unhappily. He had to admit that he was a little more than "just curious" himself. He would have really liked to know who, or what exactly, had made Naruto. There was clearly some crazy supernatural shit going on and he wanted some more answers.

When he turned back around Naruto accosted him, jumped on him and wrapped his legs and arms around his body.

"Wha—get _off_ , Naruto! What are you doing?" He said loudly, even though he reached down to cradle his thighs to make sure he wouldn't fall. Naruto's arms squeezed his neck and he pushed his legs against Sasuke's torso in a "giddy-up" motion.

"Come on, Sasuke, don't give up yet!" He semi-yelled with a huge smile. "We can go look together! Don't you want to go to Nowhere with me?" He asked excitedly. Sasuke mockingly pretended to think it over, which caused Naruto to pop him upside the head with one of his hands.

"Ow! Fine! Yes Naruto, I would like to go searching for Nowhere with you." Naruto grinned and he grinned right back. He had no idea where on earth to start looking for _nowhere_ , but it didn't matter right now. All that mattered was the way Naruto was staring at him with his shining eyes and how badly Sasuke wanted to kiss him right now. They stayed like that for God knows how long, just staring at each other. Sasuke felt like something, and he wasn't sure what it was, was sliding into place at that every moment. Something cracked and broken inside of him was quietly repairing itself. Apparently, it just needed new parts (who would have guessed it?).

Speaking of sliding into place, during the magical moment they were sharing, Sasuke missed the sound of a key fitting into the front door lock. He also missed the sound of feet on the carpeted floor in the living room.

"Okay!" Naruto said, breaking the silence. "When do we start?" He began his happy bouncing again, something Sasuke noticed he always did when he was really riled up. Sasuke laughed at how ridiculous it looked when he was still wrapped around him like a koala, and then something told him to look up. He gazed over Naruto's shoulder.

His soul then proceeded to leave his body through his mouth.

He let out a tiny squeak that he was sure (and grateful) that only Naruto could hear, because Naruto gave him an odd look and tried to turn around. Sasuke struggled not to drop Naruto out of sheer shock and dismay. Seriously, his doom sensors needed to have a checkup, because how else could he have forgotten that his parents were supposed to pick him up for bunch today?

His mother stood in the kitchen archway, mouth open to speak when she stopped to watch them. He could see his father standing over her shoulder, perfectly shaped eyebrows raised and lips slightly parted. He died a little.

"Mother, Father." He said hoarsely. He cleared his throat and gently letting Naruto down. "Hello."

They both said nothing back because their attention wasn't even on him. They stared at Naruto, who was still _smiling._ Awkward silences stood no chance against him.

"Hi!" He said with a wide grin. "I'm Naruto! Nice to finally meet you, Sasuke's Mom and Dad!"

Sasuke's mother recovered from her shock quickly. She did tiny little cheerful skip over to Naruto and grasped his hand to shake it, laughing daintily behind her hand when he yanking it up and down enthusiastically. He did the same to Fugaku, but Fugaku just stared at him with a bemused expression on his face and muttered his greetings. Sasuke just looked at the floor longingly. Why wouldn't it just swallow him already? Why did his family always catch him in the worst looking situations with Naruto? Why did he wish that their activities didn't just _look_ questionable but actually _were_ questionable?

"Oh Sasuke you aren't even dressed!" His mother cried dramatically. She wagged a finger at him.

"I'm sorry!" Naruto said. "I held him up." He said innocently. Sasuke wondered if he'd die if he threw himself backwards out of the nearest window right now.

An odd look crossed his mother's face and his father looked constipated. That face meant he was uncomfortable. _Join the club, old man._ But then him mother smiled like fox. He knew that look. He _hated_ that looked.

"Oh? Did you now?" She sent an evil smirk in Sasuke's direction. That devil. He rebuked her in the name of Jesus. "Well come along, Naruto was it? You can help me pick out an outfit for him, as well as yourself."

Naruto looked to Sasuke in question, slightly panicked, but Sasuke acted like he didn't see him. It was too late, she already had him in her sights. He was a goner.

"Wait, I wasn't going with y'all—"

"If I would have known you were here you sure would have been! Shame on Sasuke for not telling us he had guests! Hurry along now, we have to be quick so time doesn't get away from us~!" She said in a sing-song voice. She was loving this. Even though she spoke in her sweet voice, she still managed to say everything in a command and left no room for argument. She was an Uchiha, after all.

Sasuke looked to the ceiling as she dragged Naruto away and out of sight. He would have to change all the locks. People bust into his house too often for his liking. This would not do. In his inner musings, he'd forgotten that his father was still there. So he was surprised when Fugaku slinked up beside him and placed a hand on his shoulder. His eyes were set determinedly in the opposite direction of Sasuke.

"So…You're dating again?" He asked quietly. Sasuke didn't have the heart to tell him otherwise. Even if he didn't say it, he knew that his father was always very concerned about the wellbeing of his children and didn't like for them to be down in the dumps. Sasuke didn't have to look into his eyes to know that there were glimmers of hope in them.

"You could say that." He said simply. The hand on his shoulder tightened, and then relaxed again.

"He…um…seems like a nice boy. It's good that you put yourself out there again. I'm…glad for you." His father said. Sasuke bit his lip to keep from smiling. His old man was so awkward sometimes when displaying emotion that it hurt. Sasuke couldn't help but find it adorable.

"Thanks, Dad." He said, putting his hand over his father's and squeezing. He was going to let it go at that, but he changed his mind. _On the other hand_ — before his father could protest, he threw his arms around him and squished him in a bear hug. He grinned manically when his father gave a little squeak, but then a true smile came onto his face when his father relaxed and patted his back. It was still a little awkward, but he could live with it. When they parted, Fugaku still didn't look at him, and Sasuke couldn't help it: he laughed. He heard his mother call for him from his bedroom.

"Sasuke, stop terrorizing your father and come here and put some clothes on!"

Sasuke couldn't stop laughing as he walked down the hallway. How did she always know?

**∞**

It took about twenty minutes to freshen up and get dressed, with his mother rushing him the whole time. It probably would have taken twice as long if she hadn't hovered over them, so he wasn't complaining that much.

"I think your family thinks I'm a pervert." Naruto whispered to him scandalously as they walked out the door, heads leaned close together. Sasuke snorted.

"What?"

"I mean, every time someone comes over I'm on top of you. It always looks…sexual." Naruto's eyes darted back and forth, like he was afraid that someone would hear his dark dirty secret. He looked so innocent that Sasuke felt his cheeks fill with air. He tried to hold it in, but by the time he got to the car and his hand was on the backdoor handle, he lost it. His burst into completely inappropriate laughter. Like, throw-your-head-back-and-guffaw laughter. His father looked at him like he'd lost his mind from the other side of the car but he couldn't stop. He just found it priceless that Naruto had been worried about the same thing he had.

"Don't laugh, asshole." Naruto mumbled, even though the side of his mouth tipped crookedly as he fought down his own smile.

"I see someone's in a good mood today." His mother said with a huge—and _pleased_ , Sasuke noted—smile on her face as they all opened their respective doors. And he felt like laughing again. He was just so _tickled_ for some reason. The feeling abruptly died when got into the car and saw the other occupants.

Oh yeah, he'd forgotten that this was a group outing. As in, the _whole_ group. Itachi and Sai stared at him oddly as he got into the car, as if they never saw him laugh before. He then felt like laughing again when he watched their faces when Naruto got into the car on the other side. Sai's eyes got so damn big that he thought they were going to roll right out of the sockets. At Naruto's entrance, Itachi looked quickly at Sasuke and then back to Naruto, a perfectly shaped eyebrow raised. He had an odd—victorious?—smirk plastered on his face. Sasuke settled into his seat and Naruto into his.

"So we meet again, Itachi-san!" Naruto said brightly. Sai narrowed his eyes and Sasuke shook off a chill. It seemed like he was trying to rip out Naruto's soul with one look.

"So it seems." Itachi said, still smirking.

"I didn't know you were bringing someone, Sasuke." Sai sound a little louder than necessary, his voice ice. Sasuke heard his father sigh and start the car. Sasuke looked over to Naruto briefly. His hands were gripping the arm rests and gritting his teeth, no one else seemed to notice. What had changed in five seconds?— _Oh._ Sasuke realized with a gulp that he was reacting to Sasuke's changes in mood and Sai's presence. Shit. He needed to calm down before Naruto went all mama-bear on Sai. Sasuke looked to the ceiling, and counted to three before spoke again.

"I didn't know, either. But my mother insisted." Sasuke shot back. Mikoto tsk'ed from the front seat.

"Well you two just looked so comfortable, I couldn't bear to separate you for too long!" She said sweetly, not the least bit aware of the growing tension in the car. Naruto smiled at that and Sasuke relaxed. Good, no murder today. He shot a glance at Sai. _On second thought, that remains to be seen_. He thought bitterly.

"Comfortable?" Sai muttered, probably more to himself, but Mikoto heard him anyway.

"Oh yes, they were just so cute together!" Mikoto squealed. Naruto turned red.

"Mikoto-san, your embarrassing us." He said, which caused her to chuckle. Sasuke silently celebrated that Naruto said "us" instead of just "I", but then also noticed, to his secret mortification, that Sai and Itachi noticed as well. From the corner of his eyes he saw Itachi smirk wider and could feel Sai's eyes drilling into the back of his head. His mother and Naruto chattered on a mile of minute while his father pulled out of the driveway, and Sasuke looked at the car floor miserably.

"Why won't you just swallow me?" He asked the floor quietly. The damn bastard didn't answer him. Itachi leaned over and rested his hand on his seat to speak into Sasuke's ear. He didn't even try to whisper at all.

"I do hope you're talking to the _floor_ , little brother." He drawled. Sasuke's felt his eyes widen and he choked on his own spit. Naruto looked confused, his father—who had been drinking his coffee that sat in the cup holder—nearly spit it all over the windshield while his mother giggled behind her hand. Sai punched him hard in the side while Itachi laughed at Sasuke's expression. He fought not to hit him, too.

 _Fuck_. Was all he could think _. And fuck again._

**∞**

Bruch was a…interesting affair to say the least. The rest of the car ride had to be spent in silence after their father had stopped choking and giving them "the look" in the rearview mirror. Itachi and Sasuke knew the look well. It meant that if you didn't shut the fuck up right now then he was going to swerve over three lanes and purposely drive them all into a tree. They had to relay that message to their counterparts, and even as Sasuke was leaning over to tell Naruto he had to be quiet he could feel Sai's eyes drilling a hole into the back of his head. He felt like sucking his teeth, but even such a little sound could cause their father to lose it and kill them all. He wouldn't risk it. But come on, why the fuck was Sai so mad? He was coming to brunch with his _brother_ for fuck's sake! It wasn't like Naruto was Sai's uncle or something! He'd kept it all _out_ of the family, _thankyoueverymuch_.

He wasn't spared from the silent death stare at the quaint little French restaurant either. The seating arrangements didn't help one bit. His mother sat at the far end of the table, Naruto right next her, and Sasuke next to him. Fugaku was across from his wife, Itachi across from Naruto, and Sai right next to him. In front of Sasuke. _Directly_ in front of Sasuke. This was the first time everyone had been all in one place and it was going surprisingly well. For the most part, anyway.

His mother was taking about god knows what to Itachi, who was dutiful nodding but still sending little smirks to Sasuke every now and then. Sasuke concluded that he'd finally lost the last bit of his mind that he still had left. A pity. His father was pretending that none of them existed and was thoroughly enjoying his eggs benedict, and Naruto was following Mikoto's conversation, but also was determined to play footsie with Sasuke. Sasuke kept having to bite his lip to keep from smiling, but then it wasn't as hard when he noticed that Sai was _still_ watching him with those blank, narrowed eyes.

He must have been thinking that they were doing something filthy underneath the table, because he was staring at the space where their hands where. Or at least, where they _should_ have been. Both Naruto and Sasuke's hands _had_ disappeared under the table after they had finished eating, but they were just having a thigh-poke war, nothing more. Sai, of course, had no way of knowing that. He must have thought they were touching each other dicks or something, and Sasuke was perfectly okay with him thinking that. Sai, however, was having none of it.

"I never did catch your name, by the way." He said conversationally to Naruto. He managed to catch everyone's attention. Mikoto cut off mid-sentence, Fugaku looked up from his plate, Itachi's eyebrows raised and Naruto turned to look at him. It was almost as if everyone had forgotten he was even there. It was most likely because they had been here nearly an hour and Sai hadn't started any trouble or embarrassed them yet. It was amazing and never had happened before. Sasuke wanted to laugh again.

"Oh! Right! My bad, I'm Naruto!" Naruto said with smile. Sai's face screwed up in shock in surprise. Sasuke knew exactly what he was thinking. He felt like an idiot. He'd totally forgotten that Sai would recognize the name. Shit.

"Oh, Naruto! I forgot to ask! How did you and Sasuke meet?" _Yes mother, because it's not strange_ _ **at all**_ _to ask your son's new boyfriend about how they met in front of his old boyfriend while he's here with your other son. Wait, did I just refer to Naruto as my boyfriend?_ He looked at Sai again. He noticed that he was studying Naruto's face closely while everyone else was preoccupied with Naruto answering the question.

"Um…" He said while rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. "We met at the mall." _That's my boy, lie your ass off!_ He was glad he didn't have to tell Naruto that saying he was a doll that was meant to protect Sasuke and cater to his every need would end up with him being carted off to the crazy house.

Everyone opened their mouths to say something at the same time, but Sasuke beat them to it. He already knew what it was going to be, anyway.

"Before anyone says anything. I know, I _hate_ shopping." He said dryly. Everyone save for Sai chuckled. Sasuke frowned. He really had to get Sai to focus on something other the contours of Naruto's face.

"So why were you there?" His mother asked. Naruto smiled at him, but Sasuke could tell it was fake even if everyone else couldn't. His eyes were silently panicking and begging for Sasuke to take over. Sasuke smiled back.

 _Calm down, Naruto, I got this_. He said mentally.

 _"Good! Cause I got nothing!"_ Naruto shot back.

_Just follow my lead._

"I don't remember. All I remember is seeing him and knowing that it was just, fate, I guess." Sasuke said airily.

"Yeah." Naruto said breathlessly, staring deeply into his eyes. For a split second, Sasuke wished they weren't acting.

He looked out of the corner of his eye at his mother, hoping that he had appeased her. It worked. She squealed and clapped her hands together. His father gave a little nod, a tiny smile on his face, and went back to eating. Sai finally looked away, seething. Apparently he couldn't stand to watch the two of them as they stared dreamily into each other's eyes, deciding that the wallpaper decorating the place was _much_ more interesting. His mother went back to talking and he and Naruto split apart. His father finished eating and joined them. Sai got up, excused himself, and went to the bathroom. No one heard him except for Sasuke.

Sasuke went to relax, but noticed that his brother was watching him. He sighed. He couldn't catch a break, could he? His phone buzzed in his pocket.

 **I thought you said he was a friend from college?** The text underneath the name "Diablo" read. Sasuke gritted his teeth. So the perceptive bastard wasn't convinced, huh? Sasuke swore the fucker had the memory of an elephant.

 **Don't question me, asshole!** He typed back quickly.

 **I won't, if you tell me what's really going on.** Sasuke didn't have to look up to know he had a stern look in his eyes. He was tempted to type back "You're not my real dad!" but decided against it.

 **I'll tell you later**. **Scout's honor.** He said. Like fuck he would, but he figured it be enough to get Itachi off his back for now.

He looked up and found Itachi nodding. Then he smiled. Sasuke was officially freaked the fuck out. It had been a very long while since he saw Itachi smile and not smirk. IT was one with teeth showing and eyes crinkled. It would have looked nice on anyone else. But on Itachi…

Sasuke wouldn't sleep right of days.

Itachi did seem genuinely happy, but for what? For him? What, because he had found someone else and wasn't bitching and moaning about Sai anymore, was that it? Either way it was creepy as hell, and Sasuke didn't know how to handle Itachi not being a dick to him. He had plenty of things to say if Itachi was being an ass, but when Itachi was happy for him…Sasuke narrowed his eyes and tried to ignore him. Itachi chuckled at his childishness, smile still in place, but it vanished as he looked at his phone again. It wasn't from Sasuke. He began typing back furiously.

Sasuke's eyes screwed up in confusion. The change in attitude from Itachi actually had him worried. He was scowling and looked ready to hit something, or someone. Sasuke was sure the text had come from Sai who was still sulking in the bathroom. He looked over to find his parents and Naruto standing, ready to leave. They had already taken care of the bill while he was lost in thought. Sai reappeared, and he and Itachi both had odd looks on their faces and were standing as far away from each other as possible without seeming suspicious. Naruto came over to him as they were walking out, blabbing on about how great everyone (not Sai) was and how thrilled he was to be included. Sasuke barely heard him. He couldn't take his eyes off of those two. Just what the hell had Sai said in that text to make those two avoid each other like the plague?

**∞**

Later, as a thank you for putting up with him, his family, and annoying ex's, Sasuke vowed to take Naruto wherever he wanted to go. Which turned out to be a gym. Naruto explained that he wanted to know why the all the people they passed by coming out of the gym while Sasuke and Naruto were on their way home always looked so tired. Sasuke reluctantly agreed. So, Sasuke took him, and hoped that he would want to go one time and get it out of his system. It wasn't that he hated gyms, it just he always got annoyed by the smell of sweat and stank. Naruto had been really eager, using nearly every machine without struggling (which got them a few odd and jealous looks), just a regular ball of energy. Sasuke had the feeling that Naruto actually never had to excise a day in his life to be fit. He naturally looked good and was always in-shape. Sasuke had to stop himself from ogling him openly sometimes.

He had worn himself out after about two hours, so Sasuke headed home. Naruto fell asleep in the car, which Sasuke found adorable. He even carried him inside, coping a feel as he put him into bed and tucked him in. It was about eight by then, and true to form, Sasuke couldn't sleep when he thought about Itachi smiling at him. That wasn't good, he had to work tomorrow, but he felt shivers every time it crossed his mind. He also kept thinking about the exchange between the two of them afterward. He tried not to care about their problems, it _was_ none of his business, but it was bothering him and he didn't know why. Sai had seemed so shut off after he came from the bathroom and in the car. Even as everyone else in the car exchanged in conversation he hadn't said a word, just sat in the back and looked out the window.

Sasuke closed his eyes on the couch and covered his eyes with his hands.

"I don't care." He mumbled and got up to get something to drink. He popped the cap to his soda open, but before he could even taste the lemon-lime goodness of his sprite, the damn doorbell rang. He set the drink down on the counter, vowing to the sad soda that he would come back for it and hastened get to it before it rang again, so it wouldn't wake Naruto. He looked at the time on the wall clock. Eight thirty. Who visits at eight thirty? He didn't feel like seeing anyone else today, so this better be good.

He yanked the door open without looking through the peep-hole to find Sai on the other side, hands in his pockets. He looked at Sasuke and bit his lip.

"Can I come in? We should talk." He said. Sasuke was about to tell him to fuck off, but decided against it. He turned to look at the blackened hallway and then back to Sai. He lifted his hand of the door and pulled it open to accommodate him.

He let him in without a word.


	5. Chapter 5

**5.**

As soon as Sasuke gave the silent go ahead, Sai barged into the house, making a beeline for the mantel. He rushed over before Sasuke could stop him, pulling up over the edge with his hands because he was a little too short to see. He breathed in sharply when he didn't find anything there, but didn't seem all that surprised.

"What are you doing?" Sasuke asked, sitting down on the couch. Sai spun to look at him.

"So I was right!" He said, pointing an accusatory finger in Sasuke's direction.

"Right about what? And keep your voice down! Naruto's sleeping." He hissed. He didn't like it when people stuck their fingers in his face. He batted it away. Sai sucked his teeth and put his hands on his hips in an expectant pose. Sasuke fought the urge to roll his eyes when one of Sai's eyebrows rose. He stood, also not liking how Sai was taller than him. He had a full head on him when he was standing. Ah, much better. Now they could talk.

"Right about how Naruto, the ninja doll I got you, is parading around town, _alive_ , as a human!" He said. "Try and tell me it's not true!" He said when Sasuke opened his mouth to protest. Sasuke went silent. Why lie? He knew that Sai would figure it out, as there were not many people in the world with a name like Naruto. Or maybe it was the fact that he looked _exactly_ the same as the doll version of himself, even down to the faint whisker marks. Speaking of which, why did no one in his family, or Sakura for that matter, comment on those? Maybe they were too caught up with the fact that Sasuke decided to _live_ again and had a new "boyfriend". Or maybe they were caught up with how cute Naruto was. Sasuke couldn't blame them on that one. Either way, he'd practically saw the gears working in Sai's head back at the restaurant. Sasuke shrugged. So the jig was up. He would have gotten away with it too if it wasn't for his meddling ex.

"Yes, it's true. Naruto's alive." He said simply.

"I always knew there was something weird about that damn doll!" He raged, still in an octave too high to be considerate of sleeping people.

"Don't call him weird." Sasuke said before he could stop himself. Sai gave him a flat look.

"Really? You're defending a doll? Don't make me laugh, Sasuke." Sasuke grit his teeth. Is this was he came here for? To judge him? _Fuck you_.

He thought with all the hate he could muster. Which was surprisingly a lot for nearly nine o'clock at night.

"You said it yourself Sai, he's _alive._ And I'll defend him all I want in my goddamn house, _fuckyouverymuch_. Don't come in here spewing shit, Sai, you got the answer you were looking for so now you can go." His patience was below the _zero_ level, and now he felt very, _very_ tired. Nightmares be damned, he just wanted to sleep!

Sai surveyed him, just watching. His lips curled into a very ugly sneer and Sasuke flinched at how _bitterly_ he laughed. Sasuke had no idea where this apparent bitterness was stemming from, but they was a shit load of it in his voice when Sai spoke next.

"So now you're fucking a plaything, huh? Oh, how the mighty have fallen." He said with such disgust and condemnation that before Sasuke knew what he was doing his fist was connecting with Sai's twisted mouth. Sai caught off guard in that split second, falling straight back like a plank and just lying there, before picking himself up off the ground and dusting off imaginary dirt off of his pant leg. He tsk'ed mockingly and wagged a finger, ignoring the tiny trickle of blood that seeped out the seam of his mouth.

"Oh, you Uchiha's! Always so quick to hit, it seems." He drawled. Sasuke narrowed his eyes. He didn't fucking like the sound of that, not one goddamn bit. He had no idea what went on with Sai and Itachi when they were behind closed doors, probably some weird, kinky shit, but this was the first time he had ever put his hands on Sai, _ever._ There were countless, _countless_ times in their relationship when the motherfucker was just begging for it, but he always refrained. How dare he even _suggest_ that Sasuke would—

"The fuck's that supposed to mean?" He said loudly before checking himself. He could feel his heart rising and he tried to calm down. He looked behind himself, sure that Naruto would come barreling down the hallway at any moment, guns a-blazing. This was a mistake, a huge fucking mistake and he was fucking stupid to think they could have a civilized conversation with only the two of them present and it would never happen again. Sai must have seen his reasoning in his eyes because he sighed and his body relaxed.

"Look Sasuke, I didn't come here to fight." He said, trying to show more yielding body language. Sasuke scoffed.

"Could have fooled me." He said flatly. Sai let out a tiny chuckle and shook his head.

"I know, I know. It was bad for me to start off like that. But I couldn't help it, I was a bit jealous. Still am." He said with a shrug. Sasuke rolled his eyes and crossed his arms.

"Yes, I was clearly aware of that. Now the question is, why?" Sasuke asked. Although he was sure he knew the answer. Sai looked off to the side, biting his lip again. It was something he always did to get Sasuke to pity him. It used to work like a charm every time. Right now it just felt like an old, cheap trick.

"I love you." He said, looking as if he was about to cry. Sasuke was a little shocked that the near-tears didn't look fake. Huh. He'd gotten better at them, then.

"I still love you and I _tried_ not to but it didn't work and I—"

"Enough." Sasuke said blankly, gazing at Sai with a level stare. Sai shut his mouth with an auditable pop. Sasuke just wanted him to shut up, and shut up quickly. Somewhere inside of him, he knew that Sai wasn't that cold to be able to shut of his feelings like a switch, but to hear it out of his mouth still managed to shock him. He could pretend like it didn't matter, but on many levels, it did. He still loved him too, but he'd never been that hurt by someone else before, and he didn't know how to properly deal with it if that past few months had been any indication. It was the worst pain he'd ever experienced, save for being sliced open by a beast that should have only lived in fairytales. He swallowed around a large lump in his throat.

He wasn't sure how to deal with this sudden admission, either.

"Why are you telling me this?" Sasuke was proud that his voice held none of the inner conflict that his mind did. He mentally patted himself on the back. Sai looked at him again, a determined look etched on his features. He stepped closer into Sasuke's personal bubble, and Sasuke resisted the urge to knock him over and run for the hills. He knew that look, and it always screamed _danger_. That look meant that Sai was going to try and rope him into something, and Sasuke would probably end up agreeing no matter how much he kicked and screamed. He hated the fact that Sai had so much power over him even still.

"I was thinking that…that we could try and work things out between us, you know? Maybe I was too hasty before…" He trailed off, and the last words were said quieter, more to himself. Sasuke blinked, shock filtering through his entire body. He opened his mouth once, twice, three times but no words came out except for a little surprised sound from the back of his throat. _What—?_

"What? _Too hasty? You've got to be fucking kidding me!_ " He whisper-yelled. He couldn't believe the words he was hearing. He battled the compulsion to spin around in a circle to see if there where cameras about, to see if he was on some new game show he'd never seen called " _Here's_ Fucking with Ya!" That was the only logical reason he could think of as to why Sai was in his house, dead serious, after _he was the one_ who left him and the ruins of their relationship, asking—no, _suggesting—_ they could have another go at it. The fucking nerve of this guy! So apparently, Sai got to decide, whenever it was most _convenient_ , when they could get back together. _Oh hell no. Fuck that, fuck this, and fuck you!_

Is what he would have said if he wasn't actually considering it.

He knew it was stupid, and ridiculous, and even downright crazy. But when he was with Sai, he was happy. He never knew that being with someone else could bring him that much happiness, but also so much despair. Sure they fought, but ever couple had their ups and downs right? If he ignored the last two or so years of their relationship, everything would be perfect. They might be able to go back to how things were again, if he gave him this chance. How did he know if he would ever find anyone else that made him as happy and not as angry with the world as Sai did?

He closed his eyes, and refused to look back at the darkened hallway again.

Maybe he already did.

But even if his feelings for Sai were fading, they weren't gone yet and he couldn't pretend like they were. Besides, if they went for it and it didn't work, they would just part ways, no harm done. Except he knew that wasn't true. If it didn't work out, it would probably destroy him. Again. Only this time, it would be even worse. How would he manage then? The only reason he'd been pulled out of his funk before was because of Naruto, but how would he feel about it? How would everyone else feel about it? His parents would be disappointed, Sakura would probably be extremely angry—she'd spent her fair share of time cheering him up and consoling him too— but he was most worried about Naruto. He wouldn't take it well. He'd probably hate him forever.

"I know it's sudden, but shouldn't we at least _try_? We've been through too much to just-just let it all go like this! We—"Sasuke placed—smacked—a hand over his mouth before he could say anything else. Sai got the hint, and stopped, but his eyes still held a light of hope as he stared at him expectantly.

"Just stop okay?" Sasuke said softly. Softer than Sai had heard him speak in a while. Lately it was all cold, calculated words or screams and curses. Sasuke sighed, shoulders slumping dejectedly and eye darting off to the side.

"Let me think about it, okay? I-I can't answer you tonight. I need time, alright?" Sasuke silently pleaded for him not to disagree, to try and bring up more points and further sway him. Fortunately, Sai nodded him grim understanding.

"Okay." He said. Sasuke looked back to him, returning the nod. Sai stared up at him, biting his lip again as he pondered something. He leaned upward, as if he was going to—he wouldn't, would he?

"Don't." Sasuke said, turning his face away at the last moment. "Just…don't." Sai let out a disappointed breath and nodded again. He kissed Sasuke on the cheek instead.

He moved past Sasuke a stood at the door, pausing there to stare into the darkness. Sasuke just wished he would hurry up and leave. He couldn't deal with him being here a moment longer.

"Bye, Sasuke." Sai muttered softly. Sasuke didn't answer him, and Sai left without another word.

He waited until he heard the car start and drive off before he went over and locked the door. He threw himself down onto the couch, cradling his head in his hands. What the fuck was he supposed to do now? How the hell was he going to work this one out?

"Fuck." He breathed. "And fuck again."

**∞**

**Six Hours Earlier**

Itachi and Sai really _were_ avoiding each other like the plague. Itachi tried to hide the very evident _killing intent_ he had, but he was sure that his parents knew him well enough to keep him away from sharp objects. Or blunt objects. Objects. His mother kept sending him questioning looks from the front of the car, while his father pretending to be focused on the road. But Itachi didn't miss how his eyes kept travelling up to the rear-view mirror and connecting with his. He was usually much more composed than this, but Sai always seemed to bring the exceptions out of him. It would be quite impressive if it didn't piss Itachi _right the fuck off_. Sai wasn't paying attention to him in the slightest, choosing instead to watch the scenery pass by as they were being driven back home. Itachi didn't have to look at him to know what he was thinking about, to know what kind of plans he was formulating in that sick brain of his. The text back at the restaurant had said enough.

**Maybe this was a mistake.**

Itachi didn't have to ask what he meant by it, he knew right away. Sai tried to act all subtle and mysterious and shit, but it reality, he was obvious as fuck. He was insanely jealous that Sasuke had the "nerve" to bring someone with him, to try and find someone else. It pissed Itachi off that Sai thought that even now, he owned Sasuke, and that it was some sort of screwed up insult to him that Sasuke wasn't falling over broken over him anymore.

Even if the part about him dating again wasn't true, he knew that Sai was the reigning champion of "I don't want to be with you, but no one else can have you, either." The little fucker. Itachi wasn't stupid, he knew that Sasuke and Naruto weren't together, **_yet_**. He saw the way they looked at each other at the restaurant. They probably were trying to act for their parents, but Itachi saw that it was real, for the _both_ of them. They probably just hadn't figured it out yet. And damn if he didn't desperately want to give them the chance to do so. But it would be a problem if Sai decided he'd had enough of being away from Sasuke and tried to slither back to him. He had no idea what his little brother's state of mind was like right now, no idea if he would take him back or kick his ass. Hopefully the latter. But he couldn't just count on Sasuke's judgment now. It had always been a little skewed when it came to dealing with Sai. He had to make sure he held up things on his side of this equation.

As soon as his parents dropped them off, Itachi ushered Sai inside none-to-gently by the arm, ignoring his protests, and shut the door. He shrugged off his jacket and pulled his hair into a quick, messy ponytail, gearing up for a fight. Sai opened his mouth to speak, brows pointed downward angrily—at the situation as a whole or at the way Itachi man-handled him, he wasn't sure which—but Itachi was having none of it. He reared back and punch him in the face. Sai stumbled, grabbing at his cheek and glaring at Itachi.

"What the fuck?" He yelled, punching Itachi back in the shoulder. He barely felt it, the anger in his body materializing into some sort of shield.

"Don't even fucking think about it." He hissed dangerously. Sai needed no further explanation.

"Fuck you! You can't tell me what the hell I can and can't do! You don't _own_ me!" He screamed like a petulant child.

"Shut the fuck up!" Itachi yelled right back, getting in his face. "You don't _get_ to change your mind at the drop of a hat, Sai! This isn't a goddamn game!" Sai let out a stark, disbelieving laugh, though it held no real humor.

"Don't tell me you're jealous?" He asked, raising both eyebrows mockingly. "I know you don't care about me! You just wanted to keep me away from Sasuke!"

Itachi was losing his patience. His words didn't make him any angrier because they were true. But Sai wanted him to say it out loud, did he? Fine. Itachi felt something cold and familiar spread over his body. Ah, his ruthlessness. _Hello, old friend, how I've missed you_. He went in for the kill.

"You're right." He said, eyes blank and frigid. Sai froze, feeling as if this conversation was about to go in a direction he _really_ would not like. "I _despise_ you. I find you utterly repulsive and I think you're worth no more that the gunk between my toes. You're a stupid little shit that stays where he's not wanted or needed, and I only stepped in to pull you away from Sasuke until he could find someone _worth his time_. God, I fucking hate you. And, alas and alack, you want to try and shimmy your way back into his life and make him a miserable fuck again, and I'm telling you right now that's not going to fucking happen, try as you might. I won't let you ruin this for him. So _congratulations_ , you little bastard. I applaud you, you _saw right though me_." He clapped at him mockingly, smirking viciously at Sai's wide open mouth. Apparently he was trying to catch flies. After a few stunned moments on Sai's part, he snapped his lips shut and looked away.

"Damn, tell me how you _really_ feel." He muttered sarcastically, even though hurt and distress were painted across his face. He said nothing for a moment. "You really felt nothing for me at all? Nothing?" He said quietly. _Besides hate? Impossible._

"Don't flatter yourself. I should have gotten rid of you years ago." Sai flinched, but every once of hurt slid out of him, replaced by blatant anger and that same superiority he got whenever they talked about this.

"But you couldn't, could you? Sasuke loves me, and still wants to be with me. If I say the words, he'll drop everything. And you know what? He'll probably forgive me before he forgives you. All you do for him and he'll still hate you. I bet that just _eats_ you up inside doesn't it?" He sharpened every word, like a carving knife. He sneered savagely, feeling a momentary victory until Itachi took a step towards him. Sai took an instinctive step back, his eyes panicking. He must have thought Itachi was going to hit him. He must have realized that he'd gone too far. He swallowed nervously.

Itachi wanted to hit him, he really did, but he wouldn't give him the satisfaction. There were better ways to handle this. He had been foolish, thinking that he should deal Sai by himself. He was an Uchiha, they had money, money and resources. Copious amounts of both. He was tired of playing these little back and forth games. Sai was just too clever to deal with alone. Pride be damned. Even if he couldn't take care of it himself, he knew someone who could. He smirked to himself. It was just fine. Sai could run back to Sasuke and try and persuade him. Sasuke wouldn't bite just yet, if at all, so he had time. As long as he could send Sai to another end of the earth, or beyond, then he would do whatever he could. A smart man knew when to ask for help. His smirk turned into a full-blown smile. Oh yes, He had a call to make.

Sai suppressed a shiver, feeling that somehow, he'd still lost the day. Itachi's head fell forward, and Sai looked at him oddly. What the hell was he doing? His shoulders started to shake, and then he threw his head back in a full-scale evil laugh. Hands held up to the sky with the palms facing upwards and everything. Sai tried not to run away in sheer terror. What the hell? Itachi straight up looked like a villain from a video game before the final battle.

"Are you okay?" Sai asked warily when Itachi clutched at his knees and gasped for breath.

"Me? I'm fine. Worry about yourself." Itachi said, still fighting off chuckles. Sai sneered at him.

"Whatever. You've tried everything Itachi, you know you can't do anything to me." Sai crossed his arms and jutted his chin out. Itachi smiled sweetly at him, leaning in to look him square in the eyes.

"I never said _I_ was going to do anything else, did I?" Sai raised an eyebrow.

"What the hell does that mean?"

I mean, if I can't _destroy_ you, I know just the person to do it. If you thought I was bad, well…" He trailed off evilly, smirking when Sai rolled his eyes.

"All talk. You don't scare me." He said, turning around and storming out. Itachi watched him go. He found that he couldn't stop laughing. He walked over to the coffee table, trying to get himself together to make the call. Why hadn't he thought of this before? He should have done this years ago, nipped it right in the bud. No use in dwelling on it now, the person on the other end of the line would be happy to take care of this little _problem_ for him. HE would do anything in the name of Uchiha. "That man" had loads of more experience dealing with pests and urchins. And my, my, did Itachi have the job for him. Yes, this was going to be _perfect_.

"Hound of Hell, come get your meat~" He hummed gleefully as he waited for the call to connect.

∞ Ω ∞

Sasuke sat with his head in his hands for all of two minutes before he felt an eerie gust of wind hit him. He looked up, startled, only to find Naruto standing in front of him, gazing down with an odd expression on his face. Sasuke hadn't even heard him arrive.

"Naruto, sorry, I wake you—"

"You're an idiot." Sasuke blinked.

"What?"

Apparently Naruto didn't like him playing stupid (even though he really wasn't sure what he was talking about) because in the next second, his eyes were red and he was growling in his face.

"I said, you're a fucking idiot!" he shouted. Sasuke leaned back on the couch, slightly alarmed. He'd seen Naruto mad before, but it wasn't all that pleasant when it was aimed at him. Scratch that, he didn't like it one bit.

"You think I don't know that Sai was here? You think I didn't hear the whole thing?" He grunted though gritted teeth before Sasuke could say anything else.

"Eavesdropping is a bad habit, Naruto." He said before he could stop himself. _That's right, dig your own grave deeper, Sasuke_. He let out an undignified squawk when Naruto _yanked_ him off the couch and pulled him until they were nose to nose. This close up, Sasuke could see the flecks of blue that mingled with the red of Naruto's eyes. It was kind of pretty, but he was sure that Naruto wouldn't appreciate the complement right about now.

"You wanna to know what else is _a bad habit_?" He hissed scathingly. "Taking back people that lie to you, break your heart, and **_FUCK YOUR BROTHER_**!" Naruto boomed. He threw Sasuke back down on the couch, but he popped back up immediately. He wasn't going to take this sitting down.

"Shut up, it's none of your business!" He yelled back, getting in his personal space again.

"The fuck it isn't! I'm supposed to protect you! And sometimes that means even from yourself!" Sasuke took offense to that. Quite a bit of offense. He wasn't a little kid that had to have his hand held. Naruto could say all the wanted, but he didn't know shit.

"You don't know shit!" He said, feeling himself getting completely pissed off. Even though Naruto was already mad, he was still reacting to Sasuke's change in mood. His nails came out, and his teeth elongated. Sasuke acted like this didn't worry him, but he already knew how it felt to be sliced by those things. Zero out of ten stars, would not recommend. He went to step back, but Naruto followed him.

"I know that he hurt you, I know that you got drunk all the time, and _cried_ , and didn't smile or find happiness doing _anything_ for weeks! How could you want to back to all that!?"

"You don't know that it would go like that this time!" Sasuke said, even though it sounded weak to his own ears.

"This time, he says, _this time_!" Naruto yelled to no one in particular. "There shouldn't be a "this time", there should be _no_ time! You shouldn't even be considering it! He'll just play you again, like before, and I'll be damned if I have to pick up the pieces!" He threw his hands up, looking like he wanted to shake Sasuke.

"I didn't get played." Sasuke said, slightly miffed. _Yes, you did_. So even his own mind betrayed him. Huh. Naruto closed his eyes, trying to calm himself. Sasuke didn't feel like talking about anything any longer. He never liked getting upset, especially not at Naruto. So he did what he does best: Walk away to defuse the situation. At least, he would have, if his world didn't crash down around him at Naruto's next words.

"He cheated on you, you know." He could tell that Naruto was trying not to yell at him anymore, but Sasuke would have preferred he shouted the words in his face instead of saying them as emptily as he did. Sasuke winced, not trusting his ears.

"Don't lie to me, Naruto." He said savagely, whirling around and stalking back up into his face. "I know you're angry but that's no fucking excuse to—"

"I'm not lying. I wouldn't ever lie to you. Especially not about this." He announced loudly, as if he couldn't believe what he was saying himself. Sasuke grabbed his shoulders, looking deeply into his eyes. Naruto let him. He searched for any traces of deception. His heart stopped when he found none.

"I would have never told you if he would have just left you alone, but he forced by hand, Sasuke! I'm sorry." He babbled. His eyes faded back to normal, and he looked down dejectedly. He was obviously close to tears. Sasuke realized that he could mirror _all_ of his moods, then. Sasuke gripped Naruto's arms tighter, almost painfully, but Naruto said nothing. He wouldn't even look him in the eye. Sasuke was having none of that. He lifted Naruto's chin and stared at him.

"Tell me." Naruto shook his head.

"I can't." He whispered brokenly. Sasuke gripped him tighter.

" _Tell me_."

"Sasuke—"

"Goddammit Naruto, **_TELL ME_**!" He roared.

"HE'S BEEN DOING IT FOR YEARS!" Naruto yelled, finally caving. "And it's not just been men either." Sasuke sucked in his breath.

"What?"

"It's-he got a girl pregnant, Sasuke. She's keeping it, He's been sending her money." Naruto looked away from him.

"Oh my God." Sasuke said. He would have missed the couch if Naruto hadn't guided him down. He sat beside him and rubbed his back.

"How long?" He felt as though he couldn't breathe. How long had he played the fool? How long had Sai laughed behind his back while he ran around town with other people? He felt completely humiliated and ashamed that he hadn't seen it earlier. But a baby? Of all things! He'd been able to deal with a _disease_ better than this! He had a secret family somewhere? How long had he been seeing her? Were they serious? How in the fuck was he gayer than Sai! He stopped himself from hyperventilating. Naruto still refused to meet his eyes.

"The whole time you were together." Naruto ran a hand over his eyes and sighed. "He has some kind of hold over you, Sasuke, and I can't explain it, but it's there. It makes you blind to everything that _wrong_ with him. He and Itachi-san always argued over you and—"Sasuke's head shot up from his hands so fast that Naruto worried about the state of his neck. He stared out into nothing.

"Did he know?" he said suddenly. "Itachi knew, didn't he? That's why he—Naruto?" He looked back at him then, and held his gaze sadly.

"He was trying to protect you." Naruto said softly and put his hand on his shoulder in a comforting gesture. Sasuke shrugged him off.

"By _lying_ to me?" He hissed. He whirled around to look at Naruto and ignored his wince. "And you lied to me too! How could you!" Sasuke honestly felt like crying. How many people knew about this? Why did everyone insist on treating him like a child? What the hell did he do to deserve this? He must have killed a king in another life. So, so many questions.

He could yell at Naruto all he wanted, but he wasn't really mad at him. Well, he was, but Naruto must have filed all this information under the "Must protect Sasuke and his delicate, pussy feelings." file. So he could forgive him. He was angry at Sai, and pissed right the fuck off at Itachi. He couldn't even fathom this right now. Seriously, what the fuck! He was so furious that he was literally seeing red. He felt his eyes fill, and he tried to turn away, but Naruto already saw the tears. He simply pulled his head onto his shoulder and let Sasuke rest there. Sasuke felt too drained to resist. He just sat there and cried softly.

Naruto noted that Sasuke even wept a little coldly. Tears streaked down his face and his nose got a tad red, but he didn't shake or cry out. It was almost like his body was just doing the action for him, as if it knew what was _supposed_ to happen when it felt the way it did, but _Sasuke_ actually had nothing to do with it at all. Naruto made soft, encouraging noises and patted his head. Naruto was glad he could be here for him when he needed it, but he still felt anger bubbling beneath the surface. Sasuke might be upset now, but Naruto was livid. He was controlling himself, but he had half a mind to find Sai and rip him limb from limb. That is, if Sasuke didn't get to his first.

It was quiet. So very quiet, and Sasuke was so still that Naruto almost thought he fell asleep. Naruto jumped slightly when he shifted and buried his face into the side of his neck. Naruto placed a careful arm around him, not sure if Sasuke wanted the contact. He said nothing about it, and snuggled deeper. His voice was slightly muffled when he spoke next.

"It's still there." He said hoarsely. Naruto looked down at the top of his head in question.

"What's still there?" He questioned.

"I-I still care about him, even though I hate his fucking guts. It's not going away just like that." He whispered. Naruto sighed heavily out of nose.

"I understand." He said. Sasuke leaned heavier on him, and sighed.

"How can you? No offense, but you know nothing about love Naruto." He meant no offense by it, but when Naruto stiffened and pulled away from him, he knew that it was the _wrong_ thing to say.

Naruto stood up, and Sasuke instantly missed the contact. Shit, why did he never know when to shut up? Naruto was being nice to him and letting him ruin his clothes with his snot, and he had to go and be an ass and throw his inexperience with life in his face. God, was he a dick. He stared down at him, eyes blank and calculating, as if he was debating something. Sasuke hoped it wasn't whether or not to kill him and get it over with. Sasuke really didn't like that look in his eyes.

"You really just don't get it, do you?" Naruto said coldly. Sasuke started to speak, but in the next instance, Naruto had him flat on his back on the couch and was looming over him.

"Naruto, what—"Naruto growled at him, effectively shutting him up. His eyes were red again, and his face was dangerously close.

"Shut up." He barked. "Just shut up."

And then he kissed him.

To say that Sasuke was surprised was an understatement. His eyes widened comically and he stopped breathing. Naruto placed his hands besides Sasuke's head and pressed down harder. Sasuke still laid there, frozen.

Maybe Naruto had decided to kill him with shock.

But he sure as hell got over it, and threaded his fingers into Naruto's hair and kissed him back like his life depended on it. Naruto made a little surprised noise in the back of his throat, as if he wasn't expected for Sasuke to go along with it. And then everything descended into chaos.

Sasuke loved every minute of it.

Sure, he might regret it later, being as hurt and venerable as he was in light of recent events, but he seriously doubted it. He genuinely _liked_ Naruto, maybe even more than _liked_. And he couldn't lie, he'd wanted this since the first day he saw in sitting in his bathroom, washing his dirty clothes.

And when Naruto started to grind on him, and ripped both of their clothes off, the possibly of regret reduced to zero. Naruto raked his hands down his chest, moving his hips downward as he did. Sasuke moaned wantonly. Naruto grinned evilly at him, his sharp nails adding a lick of pain to Sasuke's pleasure. He lurched up and captured Naruto's lips again. Naruto slid into his lap. Sasuke grabbed his legs, hooked them around his waist, and practically ran to the bedroom. Naruto painted a hot, wet column down his neck and ended it with a sharp bite. Sasuke seized his earlobe in his mouth and bit him back.

Once inside, they tripped over something unseen on the floor, causing Sasuke to drop Naruto on the bed and fall on top of him. Convenient. Even his house wanted this to happen. It was a sign. Naruto quickly flipped them over, unholy mouth sliding down from Sasuke's neck to his naval and to—

Oh.

_Oh yes._

Sasuke threw his head back and moaned unabashedly. He gripped Naruto's wild hair and nearly pulled some of it out when Naruto have a particularly hard suck. Naruto just chuckled around him which made Sasuke moan harder. Bless him and his pain tolerance. Oh, and his glorious mouth. He couldn't forget that.

Naruto stopped all too soon, grinning up at him from his position between his legs. Sasuke glared at him, but there was no real fire behind it. Well, there was, but it had nothing to do with anger. Tease. Naruto slid back up his body, situating himself so they were perfectly lined up: Mouth to mouth, chest to chest, dic—

"That will have to wait." Naruto said, eyes heavily lidded. His voice was deliciously husky and sensual. Sasuke didn't think he would have ever heard Naruto sound like that. He was pleasantly surpassed.

"Wait for what?" Sasuke asked lowly. He smirked when Naruto shivered slightly. Ah, so his voice had an effect on him, too.

Naruto's hand reached beyond him to the nightstand above Sasuke's head. He smirked down at Sasuke's slightly worried face. Speaking of which, Naruto seemed to like being on top, _a lot_. Sasuke didn't know if Naruto would give up control anytime soon, which was a bit of a problem, since they were getting into the hot and heavier stuff. The I-like-you-a-lot-and-I-am-actually-considering-let ting-you-lead stuff. He didn't bottom often, but he trusted Naruto. If he wanted to, Sasuke would let him, but he couldn't possibly expect Sasuke to just _let it happen_ without them at least talking about it first, could he?

In his inner musings, he had missed when Naruto reached behind himself and grimaced, missed when Naruto finished his business and positioned himself above of Sasuke. But he sure as fuck didn't miss when Naruto gabbed his dick and slid down _oh so slowly_ , both of them moaning loudly in the dark room.

 _Ah_ , was his last coherent thought of the evening, _I stand corrected_.

* * *

Itachi was lounging comfortably in his parents' house—eyes closed with one arm slung carelessly over his face. Yesterday was a _something_ day, and today was a nothing day. He did not have nothing days very often anymore, with work and all that, not to mention Sai and all that crazy business, so he chose to spend it in one of his favorite places. A place that forever smelled of apple pies and coffee beans. His mother and father were in the other room, and they were talking in low voices. He was in a good mood, which was also rare, so he would probably take a nap under the nice, warm sun. He'd gotten Sai out of his house, told him off, and the plans were already in motion to get him out of their hair forever. Everything was falling into place wonderfully. He smiled and rubbed his growling stomach. He padded to the kitchen, taking a freshly made chicken sandwich out of the oven where it sat cooling. He sat back on the couch and was about to take a bite into its heated-up goodness—so warm and crunchy, and crisp—that is until the doorbell rang, and seeing how his parents didn't seem to hear it, it was his job as resident couch bum to go answer it. He melted off the couch slowly and padded his socked feet to the foyer. He opened the door with a yawn, only to see his precious baby brother standing on the porch. Oh? To what did they owe this pleasure? Oh? Was his brother now punching him in the face? How quaint.

Damn sandwich flew right out of his hand.

It took him only two seconds to realize that he was going down. He'd didn't have enough time to catching himself, because Sasuke grabbed his ponytail and tried to bash his face into the ground.

That would not do. He wasn't going to sit there and take it, and he knew damn sure that Sasuke wasn't going to stop. Somehow, someway he knew that Sasuke _knew_. Maybe it was by the way there was no preamble to this attack, or the flat out rage in his eyes, but Sasuke knew. Who told him? If it was Sai, he was finally just going to off the little fuck. Plans be damned. He could finally take the concrete off hold, and maybe buy a big Persian rug to roll him up in. Yes, that would be great, but back to the task at hand. Itachi maneuvered himself off of his stomach and planted a nice right hook to Sasuke's jaw. What, did you think he wasn't going to hit back? Oh, no sir. Sasuke had always thought that once he got a little taller and some bass in his voice that he was big shit, so Itachi thought this was the perfect opportunity to knock some long-deserved sense into him, and Sasuke could punch him as much as he wanted for lying to him for years. Two birds with one stone.

Except, when Sasuke launched himself at him and Itachi threw him into the wall (don't feel bad, Sasuke kicked him dead in the chest directly afterward), it caught the attention of the rest of the occupants of the house. He heard his mother give a startled little peep and then the both of them were running from the other room. The rounded the corner just as Sasuke straddled him and tried to choke him out.

"What the hell are you two doing!?' Their father bellowed. Sasuke hadn't been expected their arrival, and was momentarily distracted. Itachi took the chance, punched in in the throat and tossed him off.

Sasuke coughed harshly, and Itachi always felt bad for hitting him, until Sasuke looked at him with such hate—and another emotion in his eyes that made Itachi instantly hate himself—and began speaking.

"You're a dick!" He spat. "You're a stupid fucking dick and a goddamn bastard and I fucking hate you so goddamn _much_ and WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T YOU FUCKING TELL ME!"

"Sasuke!" Their mother yelled. "Good lord, calm down and—"

"It was for your own good, little brother." Itachi heard himself saying. Sasuke's eyes nearly went red with rage and he started to launch himself at him until their father stepped in between them.

"Will one of you tell us what the hell is going—"

"How in the fuck is not telling me my boyfriend had been cheating on me for six _motherfucking_ years for "my own good", _big brother_?" Sasuke said, deathly calm. Itachi heard the metaphorical pen drop in the silence that followed. He could also feel the weight of his parents heavy, and _stunned_ , stares on him, but he ignored them.

"I would have crushed you, at the time. I tried to avoid that."

" _Crushed me_? It's not your job to take care of me, Itachi! You should have just fucking told me!"

"Yes, it is." Itachi said, avoiding the last part of Sasuke's rant.

"Shut up!" Sasuke yelled, frustrated. "You always do that! Stop trying to run my life! I'm not a fucking child!" His expertly controlled temper snapped inside of Itachi, and he maneuvered his way around his father and grabbed Sasuke by the collar.

"You think I don't know that? At least a fucking child would listen to other people! Nobody can tell you shit, Sasuke!' Sasuke grabbed him right back, and they were nose to nose now. Their mother was babbling useless, urgent things that fell on deaf ears, while their father said nothing, remaining a good distance away while they had their shouting match. Either he understood that this needed to happen, or he was too shocked to move because he'd never seen them this angry at each other before. As long as he didn't interfere, either way was fine with both of them.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" He shrieked, resisting the urge to bite Itachi in his way-to-close face.

"Everyone tried to warn you about him!" Itachi said with a frustrated, wide sweep of his hands. " _Everyone_! But you wouldn't listen to me, you wouldn't listen to Sakura, hell, you wouldn't even listen to mother! What was I supposed to do? You think you wouldn't have punched me and called me a dirty liar? I had to get him away from you! He's a leech, a worthless leech who only wanted some dick on the side and money to to pay for that fucking kid!" Itachi knew it was a little harsh, his delivery, but they were way past pleasantries. They had to lay everything on the table before both of them went back to punching each other again. Mikoto blanched at his words, but Fugaku's ears perked up.

"A child? What child?" He asked. Both Sasuke and Itachi turned their attention to him. His interjection seemed to diffuse the situation a bit. Sasuke was still hopping mad, don't get him wrong, but he took a step down from cold-blooded murder. Now it was at least horribly maim.

"Oh yeah, Sai has a secret love child with some whore." Sasuke said with barely a blink and a dismissive wave of his hand. They all looked at him oddly.

"I freaked the fuck out about it yesterday night. I'm better now." He answered the questions in their eyes. He could tell that they didn't believe him in the slightest. Fugaku looked as if he choked on his own tongue and Mikoto covered her mouth with her hand.

"Sai fucks girls?" He asked. Sasuke felt his eyes widen in surprise. He never heard his father talk like that, but he chalked it up to the shock.

"Trust me, everyone here is surprised as you are." Sasuke said dryly.

They fell into uncomfortable silence after that. The only sounds made was their labored breathing. Mikoto kept looking back and forth between them, while the two of them made certain not to look at each other. They stayed that way for a good ten minutes. A million emotions filtered through Sasuke's head and across his face, while Itachi's face remained blank. Sasuke surprised all of them, even himself, by stepping forward, ignoring the way that Itachi tensed, and threw his arms around him a bear hug.

He filed all of their expressions in his memory banks for whenever he felt like laughing again.

"Sasuke, what—"

"I thought you'd betrayed me." He muttered miserably. Even though he was angry, something heavy lifted off of him when he found out that this—Itachi and Sai's relationship that is— had been one of Itachi's twisted and sick plans to protect him. He still wanted to punch him, hard and repeatedly, but somehow, knowing that Itachi hadn't been totally disloyal to him made it a little better. You know what? Screw it, made it _a lot_ better.

"I did betray you." Itachi said just as miserably. He wrapped his arms around Sasuke tightly. "I fucked up. I should have handled it better."

Sasuke felt that he might cry again, but shook it off. He honestly felt better. He could really explain it, and it barely made sense to him himself, but he wasn't that angry anymore now that Itachi had said it out loud. The trust wasn't completely broken between them, but it would take a while to fix the bad blood between them. It would be touch-and-go for a while, with a few more shouting matches and punches thrown down the road. He sighed into Itachi's shoulder. They had time to work on it.

He could live with it.

His mother and father both sighed in relief, and then moved in for a group was their go to thing to do after shit went down, had been for a while. Sasuke huffed, but didn't make a fuss. They all needed this. They stayed that way for a long while.

"So how are we going to deal with that little shit?" Fugaku said conversationally minutes later. It seemed that he was just as tired of Sai as the rest of them were and wouldn't hold his tongue anymore. Mikoto and Sasuke both looked thoughtful, while Itachi just smirked.

"I already have it covered." He said happily. Sasuke looked at him.

"You didn't—"Itachi grinned fully

.

"I did."

They all shared the famous Uchiha smirk.

Oh, this was going to be fun.

Mikoto gazed around as her boys laughed and joked about causing someone's complete and utter destruction, chuckling when even Fugaku joined in. She shrugged her shoulders. Maybe they all were crazy. She paused, looking down in the corner a little ways off. Her eyes creased in confusion.

"Why is there a chicken sandwich on my floor?" she muttered to herself.

* * *

Naruto was avoiding him. It wasn't that obvious at first, Sasuke went nearly a week without noticing really. Itachi called him nearly every two hours so they could work out their differences. The first time, he'd literally called an hour after their whole ordeal, and Sasuke hung up in his face. He hadn't felt like talking then, his voice was somewhat hoarse from all the screaming he did at Itachi and at Naruto the night before that. But, gradually, they started to talk more over the next few days until they got to the point when they could talk for nearly four hours straight without either of them (Sasuke) hanging up. And even if he did hang up, he found himself calling back a few minutes later. He felt like a scorned teenage girl.

Anyway, since he was getting along better with Itachi, and he wasn't so blind with rage anymore. He noticed that Naruto finished breakfast before him, usually leaving a full breakfast for Sasuke to eat _alone_ in his wake, he stormed out of the room whenever Sasuke came in, and went to sleep hours before Sasuke came home and always locked his door.

Naruto was ignoring him.

And he had no idea why. He had a _great_ time that night. A really, _really_ great time. He knew that Naruto had a great time too, if the marks on Sasuke's back were any indication. He crossed terrible sex off the list of things that could be wrong with Naruto (even though it was never really on there). The morning after wasn't weird or anything. Naruto even kissed him goodbye, even if it was a little shyly, as he went off to give Itachi what for. But in that time, he'd given Naruto time to think. About what, who knows? Whatever it was, it was festering. There was no such thing as a good type of festering.

So now he was at a loss. Another week passed, and Naruto still wouldn't talk to him. It was really starting to piss him off. All he could think about was making up whatever he did wrong to Naruto, even if he didn't know what the hell it was. It would have went on forever, because Sasuke was really confused and patient, but Naruto on the other hand, was not. So, with much preamble on a random night after work, Naruto stormed into the kitchen, ignoring Sasuke's look of expectant surprise, and threw himself into Sasuke's arms. Sasuke sat there awkwardly, not sure where this was going. Naruto clutched the front of his shirt and looked down at Sasuke's lap.

"I'm sorry!" he yelled in Sasuke's face, causing him to flinch away. Why was he so damn loud? And sorry for what?

"Sorry for what?" He questioned. Naruto pursed his lips together and didn't look up. He sighed loudly.

"I forced myself on you, and I'm sorry!" He said. Sasuke blinked.

"What?" He said. "What the hell are you talking about?" He demanded. Naruto finally looked at him, his own eyes scrunched up in confusion.

"That night, when we—"He trailed off, blushing slightly. "I jumped you when you were venerable, and that was wrong with me. I shouldn't have done that when—"Sasuke covered his stupid mouth with his hand, and shook his head.

"Naruto, I wanted it. I thought that was abundantly clear." He said flatly. "Maybe more that you did." He added. Naruto blinked at him, his eyes widening and head tilting to the side cutely.

"Really?" Sasuke sighed.

"Yes." He didn't talk to him for two weeks because he thought he had forced himself on Sasuke? Really?

"Oh." Naruto said, nodding. But Sasuke couldn't understand how Naruto hadn't gotten that.

"Naruto, _I_ kissed you back, _I_ carried you to the bedroom. _I_ encouraged you. Afterward, _I_ sucked your—"How did he magically forget all that?

"Okay then! I get it! You wanted to!" He said, turning beat red. Sasuke chuckled. "You wanted me." He added quietly, looking down again. Sasuke lifted his chin with his hand and they locked eyes.

"Yep." Naruto smiled faintly.

"You like me." Sasuke smiled widely.

"Yep."

Naruto kissed him then. A happy kiss that had both of their toes curling in their socks. Naruto pulled back and beamed at him.

"You wanted it more than I did?" He said, waggling his eyebrows suggestively. Sasuke narrowed his eyes at him.

"Don't push it, Naruto."

They smiled at each other, then began to kiss again. They were unhurried and light, but Sasuke could feel Naruto shifting on top of him and he knew that they were about to get deeper soon. It was still early in the evening, they had time to—

Suddenly, a deep rumbling came from living room; an odd noise that sounded like the entire house was about to be split in two. They broke apart in surprise, stared at each other for a moment, and then ran out to see what the hell was going on. Sasuke nearly tripped over his own feet and swallowed his tongue when they made it out of the kitchen.

There, in the middle of his fucking living room, was a hazy-edged portal that led to another world.

A long winding path of old cobblestone began at his couch and seemingly went on forever. In the distance, though the portal, he would see a large, curved hill. It was large to his eyes from this far away, so it must have been massive up close. The end of the hill curled at the end into a fine-pointed spiral. Sitting atop all of that, was a lone building with huge spires. The larger-than-life full moon glowed silently in the backdrop.

You have got to be fucking kidding him. Did the universe just cock-block him?

"Naruto." He groaned, running a hand across his face. "I think we found Nowhere."


	6. Chapter 6

**6.**

"How long is this damn path?" Naruto huffed in frustration, pausing to rub at his poor, abused feet. Sasuke wasn't faring much better. His tragically mistreated toes were waving the white flag. They had been walking forever and only seemed to be halfway there. Sasuke kept sending looks behind him; his living room was still visible in the distance, the hazy edges of the portal only slightly closing in on it. With every ever-increasingly painful step, he was tempted to turn tail and dive back to the cozy safety of his couch, but he refrained from doing so. Even with all of Naruto's bitching and moaning, he could see the blatant excitement in his eyes. Sasuke couldn't lie, he was really excited too. He never actually thought that he and Naruto would find this apparently-not-as-make-believe-as-he thought "Nowhere".

But seriously, how long was the damn path? There was literally _nothing else around_. Just a large, barren, dusty valley filled with equally dusty pebbles. Sasuke was actually pretty sure that there was no ground, just a lot of fucking pebbles smashed together to look like there was. It seemed like a pretty sad place to be, and it was unnaturally still. There wasn't any wind to stir up any of the endless dust and rock. The large, full moon hadn't moved an inch the entire hour—day? minute?—they had been walking. There was no real way to tell time here; Sasuke's watch had magically stopped working the minute they stepped into this other dimension. It was so obvious that some supernatural shit was going on here that much was for certain. As they moved, he kept thinking of what sort of person, or people, lived here in that lonely factory on the hill. They must be some sort of creeps, watching the frozen moon hanging in the sky and making shape-shifting dolls. Sasuke quickly snuck a look a Naruto who was mumbling something about rocket shoes or something. He snorted.

Actually, the people in the place couldn't be _all_ bad.

"What are you thinking about?" Sasuke asked after another minute. Naruto glanced over at him a shrugged.

"I'm thinking the owner of this place should have installed a conveyor belt because this is fucking ridiculous." Sasuke laughed, causing Naruto to crack a smile.

"What are you thinking about?" Naruto questioned with a slightly raised eyebrow.

_I'm thinking that we should have finished what we started back there in the chair before embarking on this little adventure. Hell, I'm thinking we should just stop in the middle of this dusty road and━_

He cleared his throat uncomfortably.

"Nothing, really." He tried to say with a nonchalant face, which Naruto must have misinterpreted because in the next second Sasuke's vision was filled with a fox grin.

"You scared?" Naruto said smugly. Sasuke rolled his eyes at him.

"No."

"It's okay to be scared, ya know, I'll protect you." Naruto said seriously, nodding his head like a wise sage. Sasuke narrowed his eyes at him.

"You would love that, wouldn't you? If I hide behind you while you played hero. Defending me from what? Dust Bunnies?" He said with a snort and a smirk. Naruto stuck his tongue at him.

"Dust Bunnies can be quite vicious when they want to be." He said with a shrug. Sasuke blinked and him, his mouth hanging open.

"Seriously? You mean they're real?" He asked. Naruto laughed at him then, and Sasuke felt like an idiot. He crossed his arms and looked away. Hey, with all the crazy stuff that he'd dealt with, you can't fault him for believing Naruto, can you? Even if it was only for a second.

"You're an ass." He said, slightly miffed. Naruto bit his lip to keep from laughing again.

"Oh come on Sasuke, I only—" He paused suddenly, a bright expression crossing his features. "Oh look, we're here." He said simply. Sasuke looked up, feeling like Naruto was screwing with him again, but, true to form, the looming doors of the lonely factory stood in front of them. He looked behind him, not sure how they would have crossed the final stretch of the walkway so quickly when it took them so long before. He gazed even farther on, noticing that the portal back to his house—back to guaranteed _safety—_ was gone, as if it never existed at all. Well, no going back now.

When he looked back, he noticed that Naruto was staring at him intently, a very grave and searching expression on his face. Sasuke raised an eyebrow at him.

"We don't have to do this, you know. " He stated seriously. Sasuke was surprised and the sudden change of tone and, apparently, the mood. Sasuke gestured behind them with his hand absently.

"It's too late to change our minds now, Naruto, the portal closed _and_ we legged it all the way here. " Naruto didn't seem to pay that any mind.

"We can probably find another way out." Sasuke stared at him.

"Seriously, I'm fine Naruto. I want to do this, you want to do this, so what's the problem?" Leave it to Naruto to try and look out for him at the last minute.

"We don't know what's in there." He reasoned.

"Well that's why we're going to _look._ " Sasuke said pointedly. Naruto sighed heavily, mumbling something that sounded like _stubborn_ under his breath, but the affectionate smile and the small look of relief gave him away.

"If you're sure." A nod.

"I'm sure."

"Positive?" Another nod.

"Positive."

"Absolutely positively—"

"Naruto—" Sasuke said, getting a little annoyed.

"Alright, alright, fine!" He said with a laugh. "Let's go."

They both faced the doors again.

"But if you want to be sure nothing will happen you can open the door." Sasuke said after a few beats of silence.

"Eh? That door looks freaking heavy!" Naruto semi-yelled with a wild wave of his arms.

"I thought you were my _hero_ , Naruto, my knight in shiny armor." Sasuke drawled mockingly, smirking when Naruto glared at him.

Naruto narrowed his eyes, but he stood in front of Sasuke anyway and pushed open the door.

"Asshole." He mumbled.

_Here we go..._

* * *

Sai hummed to himself, taking a small bite of his bagel and his juggled a grocery bag in one hand and his key card in the other. He had been living in a hotel since the whole ordeal with Itachi, a little pissed that he'd been kicked out of that _luxurious_ house and the equally luxurious family and onto his ass on the curb. No matter. He would weasel his way back in soon enough. Ha. Weasel.

All he would have to do is spin a clever story to Sasuke about what "really" happened. He knew that Sasuke knew the truth, but if he worked hard enough, he would be able to get Sasuke to forgive him. Sasuke would always forgive him. It was how the world worked. Anyway, he could afford to stay in this hotel for a few more weeks, wait for things to cool off a bit. While he was here, he would figure out a way to get Naruto away from Sasuke. As long as that freak was there it would be ten times harder to win back Sasuke's favor. He sighed around his bagel. Ah, so much work to do, so little time.

It was only a good five minutes after he'd gotten to door open and was ready to sit down on the bed, about to watch some trashy television show, when he heard three sharp, purposeful knocks on the door. He raised an eyebrow. He honestly had no idea who that could be. It was too late for housekeeping and all his friends would still be at work. He stood, debating on whether or not no answer it. He shrugged. He didn't have any pressing matters to attend to, so he could see what this was about.

He dropped his bags on the kitchenette counter and peeked out the peephole. He was surprised at what he saw.

"Mikoto-san, Fugaku-san, what a surprise!" He said with mock enthusiasm.

_Oh, fuck._

They both blinked at him, their faces graver than he ever saw them. Well, graver than he ever saw Mikoto. Fugaku's face hadn't changed that such from his usual scowl, his eyes were only a little narrower and his posture a little more rigid. Mikoto seemed like a different person; her eyes black pools of nothingness and her mouth set in a grim line. He never thought he'd see her without even the slightest hint of a smile on her face and to be honest, he didn't know what to make of it.

"Hello, Sai." Mikoto said, clasping her hands in front of her. Fugaku cleared his throat, and copied her stance.

"May we come in?" He asked calmly.

Sai nodded, hastening to move out of the threshold to accommodate them, only to be surprised when a third figure seemed to appear out of nowhere behind them. Sai flinched, opening his mouth to say something about this other man's sudden appearance. The man simply raised an eyebrow at him and continued inside.

Sai closed the door, not sure what was going to happen. A random thought flashed in his mind. Was this who Itachi was talking about? Someone who would _handle_ business? So he wasn't bullshitting him. Dammit. He should have known that someone as crazy and devoted as Itachi wouldn't let it go that easily. Sai was by no means scared, but he was beginning to think that this was the start of a _very_ bad day.

And apparently, this man wasted no time. Obviously an Uchiha. Dammit.

"I'm told your name is Sai." The man said, pinning him to the floor with his stare. All Sai could do was nod, stunned by his deep, frigid voice. Sasuke and Itachi had nothing on this guy. He took it back; he was starting to feel a tad bit of fear. Mikoto's face broke into a smile, although it did not reach her eyes.

"Sai." She said softly, drawing his attention to her. "This is my elder brother, Madara. He's in town for today, _especially_ for you. " Her smile turned poisonous.

"Oh? May I ask—"

"No." His voice was hard as rocks. "Shut up and sit down."

He did.

Fugaku and Mikoto both took a step back as Madara sat down across from him. They both were still staring him down, arms crossed in front of them, so he didn't know who to look at. What the hell was this? They were acting like his enforcers, but in Sai's opinion, Madara didn't need any backup, he was _petrifying_ enough by his damn self.

Madara regarded him silently, eyes blank and calculating. Sai began to shift uncomfortably under his heavy gaze, sending urgent looks to the door. Maybe if ran as fast as he could he—

"Sit still."

He did.

The man called Madara made himself comfortable. He put his elbows on his knees and clasped his hands together, his mouth hidden behind them. He cleared his throat.

"I am very disturbed, Sai. Very, very disturbed." He raised an eyebrow. "And do you know why?" He asked calmly. Sai bit his lip, nervous, and nodded.

"Oh? Do you now? Answer me, use your words."

"Yes sir, I think I do." Madara nodded.

"And so you know why I am here today?"

"No, I can't say I do." Madara nodded slightly again, looking off to the side in thought and causing Sai to flinch when his eyes snapped back to him.

"Well, let me tell you, then. I don't have any children of my own. Not yet, anyway. So the only children I've had to dote on are my nephews. I love my nephews, very much. Do you understand where I am going with this?"

Sai nodded.

"Yes, well." Madara said with a sweep of his arms. "When one of my dear nephews calls me with a _problem_ , not matter what—or _who_ —it is, I _handle_ it. Do you understand?"

"I—"

"Shut up." Madara hissed, eyes narrowing dangerously. "You have some nerve, or a death wish, to fuck with either of them, not to mention the Uchiha's in general. I can't decide if you're brave or senseless. I'll go with senseless."

"Well—"

"Didn't I tell you to shut up?"

Sai shut up.

"I'll make this quick. You are going to leave. Leave and never come back."

"W-what?" Sai sputtered, snapping his mouth shut when Madara leaned forward warningly.

"Listen to me: _._. You talk again when I'm talking and I cut out your tongue, understand?"

Sai nodded quickly. He was starting to understand _a lot_ of things. _Holy shit, they're like the mob for real._

Mikoto placed a calming hand on Madara's shoulder, whispering something in his ear. He sighed, but he seemed less murderous when he spoke next. His words, however, were shocking.

"You are going to leave." He repeated, dragging out the words slowly. "With that whore of yours and your little baby too. You are going to settled down overseas somewhere. After you get on the plane, your passports will be burned and never spoken of again. I will also add your name to the no fly list in case you get any stupid ass ideas. I'm generous; I'll let you pick your favorite country. I'll give you a house, and enough money to survive a year, then that's it. I will set up a job opportunity for you and the girl. Do you hear me? One. Each. It's your job to show up and seize it. If you fuck up, I guess you and yours will be on the side of the road in a cardboard box. This is more than I wanted to do, _way_ more, believe me. But no child should have to suffer because of its revolting parents. You can talk now. "He said, smirking at him mockingly.

Sai couldn't talk if he wanted to. This was unreal. There was no way that this man, that this family could have this much power. He understood now that Itachi's threats were real. If he wanted to _erase_ him without a trace, he could do it and no one would even dare to question him.

He was beginning to grasp that he picked the _wrong_ opponents.

"Make no mistake." He said gravely. "If I ever catch you near Sasuke or Itachi, if I ever catch you in the _eastern hemisphere_ ever again, I'll kill you. I won't mince words. I'll fucking kill you and dump your body in the east river. I don't like you. I don't like what you've done, and I want you _done_. So you'll take this offer and run with it. Or you die, that's all. Now call your girlfriend and tell her to pack her shit."

"Okay!" Sai was proud his voice came out steady. He was scared shitless and was genuinely surprised he hadn't shit himself. He grabbed his cellphone and practically ran to the bathroom to make the call. Anything to get away from those fathomless eyes and venom-filled smile. _Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit!_ Was all he could think about while trying to punch in the numbers. He had to erase what he typed because his hands were shaking.

Fuck, his life as he knew it was over.

Mikoto sighed as Madara stood and stretched. He smirked lazily at her.

"Don't you think that was a bit much?" She asked with crossed arms. "You didn't have to make him piss himself."

"No it wasn't and yes I did." He said. Fugaku chuckled and Mikoto rolled her eyes.

" _This_ is why I don't let you out of the house." She mumbled.

"I'm hungry." Fugaku complained.

"Let's get tacos." Madara suggested.

* * *

The door shut with a loud bang, causing the both of them to jump slightly. They both stared at each other and nodded in confirmation, making their way down the long, desolate hallway.

"Really, more walking?" Naruto whined.

"Shh!" Sasuke hissed.

"Come on, Sasuke! They know we're here! They had _hours_ to watch us come up the walkway! Not to mention the door!"

"Shut up, idiot! We don't even know if there is a "they". Any manner of thing could be in here!"

"Don't call me an idiot, you bastard, I—"

" ** _Now boys, don't fight."_**

They both froze, and Naruto jumped in front of Sasuke and growled menacingly. Sasuke, despite himself, gripped Naruto's arm and looked around wildly.

"Who's there? Show yourself!" Naruto yelled. Sasuke squinted in the semi-darkness, frustrated that he could see anything or anyone. Something told him that whoever was talking had control over whether they wanted to be seen or not.

" **Maa**. **_Calm down, Naruto. Pull the Candelabra over there and come in here."_**

"Come in where?" He yelled at thin air, still on edge. Sasuke squeezed his arm reassuringly and did as he was told; patting the wall until he felt was he was looking for. He heard a puff of air release to his left that sounded like a sigh. He took a step back and felt Naruto come to stand beside him. Naruto took his hand discretely as an outline of a door appeared on the wall in front of them and pushed out into another room. Sasuke squeezed his hand silently, and they stepped inside.

What they found was nothing like they expected, if they expected anything. It was every bit a factory; filled with boxes and parts and a large assembly belt in the middle. A single man stood behind it, looking down at a doll in his hands, painting its eyes meticulously. He looked up when they came in, smiling brightly and setting the doll down.

"Who are you?" Naruto blurted out, positioning himself in front of Sasuke again. The man's smile dropped and he looked crestfallen.

You don't remember me? It's me, Naruto, She! Except, it's Kakashi, really. I'm sad that you forgot." He said with a pout.

"Kakashi?" Naruto said, testing the name out. He shrugged. "Hey, I got part of it right."

"That you did!" He was smiling again. At least, Sasuke thought he was smiling. The mask that covered his face made it hard to tell. His eyes turned into little U's so it make since if his mouth was upturned too.

"What brings you boys here today?" It was Sasuke's turn to speak up.

"We wanted to know where Naruto came from, and why you gave him to me." He said.

"I gathered that, yes." Sasuke narrowed his eyes.

"Who are you, or the better question would be, _what_ are you?" He questioned.

"Are you God?" Naruto blurted out, causing Sasuke to look at him. Naruto shrugged again. Sasuke was about to say something, but stopped. It was actually a good question, considering the situation.

Kakashi laughed heartily, actually slapping his knee in his mirth. He wiped a tear away from his eye and shook his head.

"Me? _God_? Ho-ho, oh no! I mean, I guess you can consider me _A God_ , but not **_The God_**." Both of them squinted in confusion.

"What?" They questioned in unison. Kakashi laughed again.

"I _guess_ I'm what you all would call an angel?" Sasuke snorted.

"An angel that makes dolls?" He asked.

" _Special_ dolls! You would know that better than anyone, _wouldn't_ you Sasuke?" He drawled.

Sasuke shut his mouth and glared.

"Wait, wait, and back up. What do you mean an angel?" Naruto said, wiping a hand over his face.

"Ah, yes, let me explain. I am. Well, sort of a cupid. A cupid is a category of angel. There are _many_ categories, which it would useless to explain all of them to you now because that's not what you came for. All you need to know is that I deal with love of all sorts."

"So…God gives you all jobs?" Naruto asked. Kakashi smiled again and made his way over to them, leaning back on the assembly line and stretching his arms.

"Of course! Angels have jobs just like humans do!" Sasuke crossed his arms.

"Explain." He said simply. Kakashi tut-tutted at him and wagged his finger.

"Fine, fine, fussy-britches, I'm getting to it." Sasuke raised an eyebrow and him while Naruto tried—and failed—to smother a chuckle.

 _Fussy britches_?

"Heaven has a system; everything "up there" has a working order and I'm working in it. It's all nice and great up there and I have one of the best jobs! Making people fall in love when they are supposed to and all that!"

"So your cupid?" Sasuke asked dryly, looking him up and down. Kakashi gave him a mock stern look.

"Didn't I tell you that I was _one_ of the cupids? I deal with this _region_ of love-matches. How do you deal with someone who doesn't listen to you, Naruto?"

"So what are you doing here? Do they not have factories in heaven?" Naruto interrupted impatiently, tapping his foot. Sasuke looked at him. He was taken this surprisingly well, all things considered.

"Oh they do. They're great too!" He said brightly.

"So…?" Naruto prompted.

"I'm defective." He shrugged offhandedly.

"Defective?" They said in harmony. "How can an angel be defective?"

Kakashi laughed again, mussing up both of their hair. They batted his hands away.

" _God_ is prefect. Nobody ever said anything about _angels_ being perfect. Its better this way, makes things more fun!"

"Well, how are you, uh, defective?" Sasuke asked eloquently.

"I have multiple personalities or better yet, other _cognizances_ inside of me."

"You're fucking kidding me, right?" Sasuke said dryly. This guy, or deity, or whatever, had to be pulling his leg.

" ** _Never swear in the House of the Lord!"_** Kakashi screeched. Sasuke flinched.

"I'm—"Kakashi laughed again.

"Kidding, I'm kidding! This is just a creepy ass factory on a creepy ass hill." Sasuke narrowed his eyes and him and mumbled obscenities under his breath.

"You don't get many visitors here, do you?" Naruto said, looking at him oddly. Kakashi sobered.

"More than you think, actually. Many a magical traveler has appeared on this doorstep. Mostly sorcerers and mystic hobos looking for a warm place to rest their heads. It's very rare that one of my dolls make it back to me, though."

"Um…alright. That's… _good_ I guess. But why do you make us into dolls?" Naruto asked.

"I don't know, it sort of happened one day. I just take the souls of my multiple personalities and give them life. It's up to their handlers to make them good or bad, but you know that already. I give them to people that will take care of them _or_ are close to the person they are meant to be with _or_ to the person they are meant to be with."

"So the other "personalities" are actually _other_ people inside of you?" Sasuke said, somewhat understanding. "Why?"

"I'm not sure. It's never been explained to me. It's complicated, but I figure that since I'm in charge of regional supernatural romances, I foster the souls until they are ready to go out on their own and then give them a body to function with. They kind of "go though" me in transition to the world, so I can tell them _part_ of their purpose. They have to figure out the rest themselves, as humans do. Then they rely on their handlers to guide them in some aspects of life. That's why I call them "Seekers". They _seek_ out the good or evil inside of those they are meant to be with. I can't really specify which, I just hope for the best. Everyone has a somewhat set out path, as God made it, but life can take things either way." He said seriously. "And I guess, because even magical people deserve soul mates." Both Sasuke and Naruto nodded, taking it all in.

"Then I don't think you're defective at all." Naruto said after a few beats of silence. "I think you do just what you are supposed to." Naruto nodded sagely, as if he suddenly understood all the mysteries of the universe. Kakashi smiled at him, eyes crinkling. Sasuke smiled too. Maybe he did.

"Thank you Naruto, that means more to me than you could know." Naruto returned his smile.

"Are you happy, Naruto?" Kakashi asked suddenly. Naruto looked as if he mulled over it for a few minutes, and then grabbed Sasuke's hand again.

"Yes." Sasuke couldn't help the smile that crossed his face.

"So do you need me to explain anything else?" He asked, even though he looked like he already knew the answer. Naruto shook his head.

"No, I just wanted to know my origins."

"You don't want to know the ending then?"

"What?" They both said in unison again. "You can see the future?" Naruto probed in wonder.

Kakashi chuckled.

"No, but even if I could, would you _really_ want to know?" he drawled.

They both looked at each other in silent agreement.

"No." They said. Kakashi nodded in victory.

"Good. Although, I know it will end up good for you two." Sasuke smirked.

"Yeah, I'm sure it will, too." Naruto squeezed his hand.

He squeezed back.

"Wonderful!" Kakashi clapped excitedly. "Now, the portal home is open again and if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to this new doll I'm making! He's a dozy! And, he's going to someone you both know." Kakashi said mysteriously.

"Really? Who?" Sasuke asked.

Kakashi grinned, his eyes curving into U's again. He patted both of their heads.

"You'll see."

* * *

 

They walked out quietly, still hand in hand. Naruto cleared his throat, swinging his other hand and sending Sasuke little shifty looks. Sasuke wanted to laugh; Naruto obviously had something to say but didn't want to bring it up for some reason.

"Yes, Naruto? What is it?"

"Um, yeah, that was weird, right?" He said with an awkward chuckle. Sasuke chuckled too.

"You've got that right."

Naruto hummed in the back of this throat, still unsure.

"But not _too_ weird, right?" Sasuke stopped walking.

"What do you mean?" Naruto looked away.

"I mean, it's still okay to stay with you? After all this crazy oddness and shit? You still want to be with me?" Sasuke rolled his eyes and pecked his lips.

"You couldn't get me to leave you if you tried." He said, smiling saucily. "This is Infinity Hill, right? I want to be with you _forever_. You make me happy Naruto, weirdness and all." Sasuke looked off, trying to hide his blush, but Naruto was having none of it. He jerked Sasuke's head back in his direction and kissed him. They stayed like that, just enjoying the feel of their lips together, unhurried and smoothing.

Because they had all the time in the world.

Until Sasuke pulled away because he had the eerie feeling that Kakashi was probably watching them from one of the windows and laughing gleefully.

They shared a shy smile and took each other's hands again. They began walking, until Naruto stopped short.

"What's the matter?" Sasuke asked.

Naruto turned enraged eyes towards him.

"Wait. He can open up portals anywhere, right? So why not just make one in the factory instead of making us walk all the way back?!" Sasuke stared at him as he raged. He couldn't help it, he laughed.

"Asshole!" Naruto screeched.

* * *

 

Sasuke was laughing at something Naruto said as they stepped though the portal. Naruto joined in the laughter, until he cut of suddenly and his eyes widened. Sasuke followed his gaze.

Well, fucking _doom_ hadn't happen in a while so it seemed about that time again.

 _Of course_ him family would be sitting in his living room, _uninvited_ , while he stepped out of another dimension, _of course_. He wouldn't be able to end this day peacefully, no way; he would have to deal with the freak out that would no doubt come with this.

It was silent for all of five seconds as they gaze at them with wide, disbelieving eyes.

"I'm sorry, little brother," Itachi started conversationally. "I must have accidently smelled marker fumes on the way over here because I **did not** just see you walk out of the **fucking** wall."

"Oh my God!" Mikoto squealed, followed up with a little panicky dance.

Sasuke tried to act normal.

"What are you all doing here?" he questioned. His father spoke up.

"We came to tell you that the business what taken care of—whoa, wait, what the fuck!" His Fugaku yelled looking thoroughly confused and a little frightened. Sasuke would be amazed to see his father malfunction—again—if it didn't have to deal with him. _Again._

Naruto began waving his arms and making a "ooo" sound. Everyone stared at him like he grew a second head. Sasuke broke the silence.

"What the hell are you doing?" He asked. Naruto gave him a helpless look. He leaned over a whispered in Sasuke's ear.

"I thought that maybe I was magical enough to wave my hands and erase their memories if I tried hard enough." He shrugged. "It was worth a shot."

Sasuke couldn't help himself: He laughed.


	7. Chapter 7

**7.**

"Wait, wait, go back. Start over. _Seekers_? What are those again?" Fugaku asked, pinching the bridge of his nose with two fingers. Naruto sighed heavily, rolling his eyes and smiling affectionately. Sasuke was on the other side of the couch, supporting his head on his fist and looking up at the ceiling. Don't get him wrong, he was happy now, incredibly happy. Everything was going right and his family was taking this a great deal better than he expected, that was for certain.

But he still kind of wanted to shoot himself in the face.

He had sort of planned to tell his family about the supernatural happenings that had come into his life _way_ later down the road—like, _years_ from now when they all loved Naruto to absolute death and after they had maybe adopted an adorable black or blond-haired kid or two—but this was…better than anticipated. The looks on their faces when they first _appeared_ out the wall were priceless. His father looked like someone had come up to him and smacked him in the face; Itachi looked at the wall like it couldn't be trusted, and his mother seemed ready to pass out at any moment. It was all great that they had calmed down and decided to listen to Naruto's story—Sasuke had no desire to explain, too much work. And Naruto could explain everything better than he could—they also hung on every word, even if Naruto had to explain things once or twice over until they fully understood. But that brought another problem to the surface.

Everyone was paying attention to Naruto.

Sasuke was _still_ not getting laid.

And boy was it pissing him off. They were a couple. A cute couple if he didn't say so himself. They had worked out misunderstandings, the mysteries of Naruto's origins and purpose, dealt with insane exes and other problems that had plagued his life in general. Everything was perfect now, so what the hell? His family just _had_ to be here, _right_? Naruto wouldn't even have a poke-war with him right now. Every time he tried, Naruto would bat his hand away and scoot a little farther from him. He was almost on the other side of the couch for goodness sake! And God forbid he try and interrupt. Everyone would either shush him or say: "Shut up, Sasuke. Go on, Naruto." It wasn't fair! _How_ dare they! How _dare_ they keep him from sexy time with Naruto! For god's sakes, he was supposed to be knee-deep in—

"Alright, so, _once again_ ," He said, sending a pointed look in Fugaku's direction which was thoroughly ignored. "I am a type of—"

"No, we got all that." Itachi interrupted with a wave of his hand. "Tell me about how you guys are _soul mates_ , or whatever." He said, looking over to Sasuke.

Uh uh. Oh no. No sir. They didn't want him to talk before so he wasn't talking now.

"Well I didn't get it!" Fugaku protested.

"Oh well, honey, you'll hear it again later," Mikoto said, dismissing him. Fugaku sucked his teeth. "I want to hear about that too!"

She had a starry look in her eye, like she got her hands on a real-life romance novel like the ones she loved to read. Sasuke smirked into his hand and snorted. Maybe she did. Naruto raised an eyebrow at him—apparently the only one to observe his amusement—but Sasuke shook his head and motioned for him to go on.

"Yes," Naruto said, blushed slightly. _God he's so adorable. God, I want to fuc—_

 _"_ I was literally _made_ for Sasuke."

Mikoto clapped her hands together delightedly, nearly pleading for Naruto to go on, which resulted in Naruto relaying the _entire_ story, _again_ , much to Fugaku's less confused relief. And then he got the part where young, brave shine-bright-like-a-diamond Naruto and recently-fixed-when-hope-was-almost-lost-and-seemi ng-broke-forever Sasuke, after many trials and tribulations, joyously decided to stay together forever.

This made Sasuke happy for two reasons.

One, it had him freaking _jubilant_ to hear the words out of Naruto's mouth. He had someone he was going to be with _forever_. Before, he didn't believe in forever. Hell, he barely believed in _tomorrow_. But now, after everything, he had hope. Hope that things would stay like this, that he would smile and laugh more, that Naruto would be the cause of all of it. That, even when they fussed and fought they would make it, because they were in this together. And fuck, he could live with that.

Two, because his family probably had the best expressions he'd ever seen on their faces. Itachi had a goofy, lopsided grin on his face; Fugaku was staring at them like he saw the most beautiful thing in the world, eyes wide and mysteriously misty, and a tiny smile on his face too. Mikoto, well, was shaking her arms fists in the air back and forth with her eyes squeezed shut while making a high-pitched screeching sound. It was rare that he saw her _this_ excited, but Sasuke guessed that the situation called for it. He smiled and cleared his throat.

"So, uh, weird right?" He said, laughing awkwardly to hide his elation.

Then his mother promptly broke into hot, bubbling tears.

It took all of two seconds for everyone to jump into action, cooing, patting her back while Naruto nearly killed himself running into the kitchen to retrieve napkins. Sasuke sent a slightly panicked look to his father and brother, one of whom just shrugged—feeling just as lost as he was—while the other rolled their eyes and sighed heavily. Naruto got back with the napkins—way too many for someone who was just crying and not bleeding uncontrollably on the floor. But, then again, most men had no idea what to do when a woman cries. All they know is that they wanted her to _stop._

"Mom!" Sasuke pleaded. "What's wrong? What happened?" She took her hands away from her eyes, looked at him, and cried harder.

She was doing that weird gulping thing; you know the one, where you try to get actual _words_ out but it comes out as weird honking noises at the back of your throat and you feel like you can't breathe properly? Yeah, that.

"Wha—"

"I'm…so…HAPPY…!" she sobbed. The rest of her sentence was gurgled and garbled. Sasuke sighed and Naruto grinned, dabbing her eyes gently as she tried to talk through her tears.

"I, you, we've all been rooting for you for _so_ long, Sasuke!" She said. Fugaku pulled back from her sharply. The mist was back.

"Don't do this, Mikoto, not now!" He warned. Itachi turned away, hands on his hips and eyes towards the sky, blinking rapidly to clear his eyes of…tears? Sasuke and Naruto shared a look. Don't do what?

"No, it needs to be said! We've, all we ever wanted was for you to be happy! And we've watched you fall apart so many times and I've, we've, we didn't know if we could help you this time, and I felt so useless! This is so great and _magical_ and wonderful and you deserve all of it and—everything we've done is for you and you've finally found someone that…oh God, we love you so much, Sasuke, and I…Waa!"

"We were _not_ supposed to do this now!" Itachi hissed. Apparently he collected himself. "We were supposed to wait with the crazy touchy-feely stuff so you didn't freak Naruto out with how obsessed we are."

"I'm cool with it." Naruto said with a shrug.

They shared a tiny laugh.

Until Mikoto flung herself at Sasuke with a cry of "MY BABY!"

Everyone patted her back as a new assault of tears soaked the front of his shirt. He hugged her tightly and whispered his words of thanks to her over and over, still trying—and failing—to stop her from crying. Naruto somehow maneuvered his hand in between her face and Sasuke's chest to dab her face.

"Come on, mother, let's go get you cleaned up." He said, ushering her down the hall.

There wasn't much cleaning up to do, as Naruto did most of the work with the napkins, _again_ , but Sasuke really just needed to get her away from everyone else so that he could have some privacy with her. So that he could throw himself into her arms screaming about how much he loved her and how much they all— _and_ that whole speech—meant to him and they both would dissolve into a puddle of goo.

Ahem.

Anyway, he noticed that his father and Itachi stopped Naruto from following, stern expressions on their faces like they were ready to talk business. Sasuke opened his mouth to say something, but Itachi waved him off with lazy hand. Sasuke huffed, but complied.

It took two more rounds of tears to get her together, but he managed. Itachi was waiting for him in the hallway, a faraway expression on his face. Mikoto smiled and the two of them, then looked like she would cry again, so Sasuke gently pushed her towards the living room.

"Does Naruto like nail polish?" she asked, spinning around suddenly. Sasuke's brows furrowed in confusion.

"We should paint our nails together." She whispered gleefully, clapping her hands slightly. Sasuke sighed.

"He's not a girl, mother." Sasuke said. She wagged a finger at him.

"I know! But if _recall_ correctly, two boys _begged_ me for polish when they were younger and _still_ wear it around the house. You know, in hindsight that should have been my first clue—"

" _Mother_." He and Itachi whined. Mikoto gave a watery, airy laugh and rejoined her husband and Naruto in the living room. Once they were both sure she wasn't listening in, Itachi pushed off the wall and stood in front of Sasuke. Sasuke stared at him expectantly. He wasn't sure where this was going, because his brother had an odd look in his eyes and his hands were stuffed in his pockets. He looked a little…lost.

"I meant it before but I definitely mean it now." He said, staring him straight in the eyes.

"What?"

Itachi sighed deeply, like a colossal weight had been lifted off of his shoulders and he was seeing the world in a whole new way.

"I'll back off. He's the real deal." He said, causing Sasuke's eyebrows to shoot up and his breath to catch. He never really thought this day would truly come. "I-I just hope you realize—"

Sasuke _never_ heard his brother stutter. _Holy shit_.

"—that this was all for you. Everything I did was for you and your happiness. I won't take it all back, but I do apologize. Sincerely, I mean it."

I—"

Sasuke looked off to the side, suddenly unable to meet his eyes. He instead looked at the photographs on the hallway wall. One of which, when he and Itachi were kids. They were very little in the picture—he was maybe four and Itachi nine. Huge grins on their faces with cute little matching outfits on. He always used to smile at it on his way by. His family never knew that he put the pictures up in the hall so that he would always be reminded of what he had, what was still _here_ , and what would always remain. Before, he hadn't been able to bring himself to look at that certain one. Now, it was instantly becoming one of his favorites.

"Stop." He said. Itachi closed his mouth with an audible pop.

Sasuke traced the outline of the frame. Itachi followed the movement, saying nothing.

"You know, in a weird, twisted way, I appreciated it." He said conversationally. "I was never out of your sight. You were always thinking of me no matter what. When I didn't make me want to jump off a bridge, it was…nice." The _I love you_ ; _you mean the world to me_ , the _thank you for always watching out for me_ where hidden in those words, he just hoped Itachi would catch on.

His brother smiled brilliantly.

Well, he was always the smarter of the two.

Their attention was brought back to the living room when they heard a sudden commotion.

"Oh God, Madara's still waiting in the car!" Mikoto said, sounding panicky.

"Who's Madara?" Naruto asked.

"We never did get those tacos." Fugaku said mournfully.

Both Sasuke and Itachi laughed, until Itachi pulled him into a hug and patted his back.

"Good." He said. "Now that all _that's_ done. Stop looking at that poor boy like that, for fuck's sake. The sexual tension in there was killing me." Sasuke glared at him. So he noticed, huh? Moment over.

"Whatever. It wasn't that bad."

"You looked like you wanted to eat him."

Sasuke scoffed and crossed his arms. "Oh please. That's not even that bad. You heard the story right? He can _actually devour_ me."

Itachi raised an eyebrow and sent him a dirty leer. Sasuke pushed him and blushed.

"I didn't mean it like that."

Itachi laughed. "Sure you didn't little brother." He said, mussing his hair and poking his forehead. Sasuke hated that; he hadn't done it in _years_. "Sure you didn't."

And all was right with the world.

* * *

Sai looked around the airport nervously, hand shaking slightly as he reached into his back pocket to retrieve his passport. The tickets had been paid for, his bags packed, he was hand delivered a packet that displayed the house—that was now his—that he had been "assigned" in the country he had decided on. He chose France. No huge reason, he'd always just liked the pictures he seen and dreamed of going there when he was a child. Now he was going to achieve that dream. _Forever_.

"What's the matter, babe? You seem tense." Ino said, rubbing calming circles on his back. He didn't answer her; he just kept sending tiny panicked looks around him to see if he could spot any mysterious men in black suits lurking. He didn't, but that didn't ease his worries any. A horrible image of Madara standing there, having changed his mind, kept running though his head—grinning like a mad man and holding a stick of dynamite and throwing it at him.

Ino was taking this surprisingly well. She didn't question him when he called her to grab her stuff so they could get the fuck out of dodge. That's probably the reason he cared for her so much. She always just 'went' with it, no matter what. In fact, she was sick of her parents trying to marry her off to rich guys that she barely knew. They also tried to pair her up with Sasuke. There was irony wrapped up in there somewhere, Sai was sure of it. But he didn't want to think about Sasuke right now. Or Itachi. Or any Uchiha's period. All he wanted to think about was getting _the fuck out of dodge_ with his life.

_I hope you're happy._

He sent the mental message to Sasuke. He wasn't even being a dick, he truly meant it. He had something good and he fucked it up. Now he had to live with it. _Forever_. This was by far, the worst mistake of his life.

"Sai!" Ino called, waving a hand in front of his face. He jerked, looking wildly around him. Ino chuckled nervously.

"Are you sure you're okay?" She implored, leaning in and putting the back of her hand on his forehead.

"Fine. I'm fine." He said quickly. "We're free." He whispered. She laughed again, looking at him strangely.

"What?"

"Nothing, nothing. Don't worry about it." She kissed his lips gently.

"Okay." She leaned back in her seat and relaxed.

Well, they were _sort of_ free. Madara still owned him. He could take away everything at a moment's notice and they would be out on the street in another country. That thought scared the crap out of him.

But how was he kidding? That family wanted nothing to do with him anymore, if ever. They wouldn't bother with him anymore. He was fine. He was safe. No one was going to shoot him between the eyes as soon as he got off the plane. Everything was _great_.

**He was free.**

He looked over to Ino and her bulging stomach, which was only just becoming visible under her loose shirts. He tensed.

 _Sort of_.

* * *

 

Sakura's wedding was exhausting. That's right, that's what I said, _Sakura's_ wedding. To _Sasori_. Sasuke hadn't expected that in the slightest. The announcement had in the next passing weeks, catching everyone completely off guard. But he was happy as hell for her. They all danced the night away, Sasori managed to creep him out the _entire_ night, and he and Naruto felt each other up in the broom closet at the reception hall. They didn't get caught, if that's what you were hoping for, but Itachi noticed them slip away and _demanded_ they come back before Sakura caught wind of it. She would go totally ape-shit if she knew her man-of-honor was humping his boyfriend in the dark while she was munching on cake.

"Man, I'm beat!" Naruto panted as he kicked his shoes off at the door. Sasuke nodded weakly and toed his off, too. He didn't feel like being upright anymore. He felt like he was going to crash the car because of how tired he was. But they made it. They stumbled into the bedroom, not even bothering to turn on the lights. They collapsed on the bed with contented sighs, lying prone on their backs. Naruto smiled at him in the dark, looking as if he was contemplating something, and then settled on top of Sasuke with a suggestive grin on his face. Sasuke gripped his hips to steady him. He raised an eyebrow.

"I thought you were tired?" He asked. Naruto hummed.

"I am." Sasuke chuckled.

"So what's this?" He questioned. Naruto grinned at him.

"You want to go on an adventure?" He inquired. Sasuke shrugged.

"Sure, when?" Naruto grinned harder, but his eyes showed shadows of surprise. Obviously he didn't expect Sasuke to agree so easily, but Sasuke couldn't figure out why. Naruto knew just how much of an effect he had on him, so he shouldn't worry. Sasuke was game for whatever, whenever, as long as Naruto was right there with him. I guess this is what he would call the point of no return.

_Good._

"I don't know, tomorrow? The day after that? Maybe next month? I don't care. I just want to go somewhere with you."

"Okay." Sasuke said, smiling. "An adventure then, whenever. No rush?" Naruto nodded excitedly.

"Eh…maybe tomorrow, actually. It sounds like it could be fun." Sasuke chuckled.

"Alright."

"Awesome! I set an alarm."

Sasuke rolled his eyes and kissed him. When he pulled back, Naruto was staring at him with an odd expression on his face.

"What?"

"Do you know what they said to me?" He said, kissing down Sasuke's chest.

"What did—stop distracting me, Naruto!—who say?" He said. Naruto waggled his eyebrows suggestively, but acquiesced.

"Your dad and brother? Remember when we came back from Infinity Hill and they wanted to talk to me alone?" Sasuke thought back and nodded.

"What did they say?" Naruto bit his ear and Sasuke growled at him playfully.

"They asked if I would protect you." He said. Sasuke rolled his eyes. _Of course they did_.

"What did you say?" Naruto looked a little miffed and stuck his nose in the air, sniffing slightly.

"I said of course I would!" Sasuke laughed at the semi-outraged expression on his face." But it's cool, I'll be around a long time, they'll learn that I'll do anything for you." Sasuke squeezed his hips in appreciation, and Naruto ground down in response. Talking-time was in rapid decline.

"Damn straight."

Sasuke pushed upward to kiss him, but Naruto wasn't finished.

"They also asked if we planned on getting married." He said conversationally.

Sasuke stared at him, and Naruto raised an eyebrow and shrugged.

"What did you say?" Sasuke asked, suddenly feeling breathless.

Naruto shrugged again and went to kiss him. This time, Sasuke wasn't done.

"Wanna do it?" He asked, holding his breath. Naruto pulled back sharply, eyes widening in surprising and mouth making a small 'o'.

"Really?"

Sasuke pulled him down by his hair so they could look directly in each other's eyes.

"You're mine. I like the idea of you having my name." Naruto shoved him.

"Possessive bastard." He mumbled, blushing and looking off to the side.

"I love you." Sasuke said. Naruto looked back and stared into his eyes.

"I love you, too."

They were ready to kiss again, but then Naruto popped back up excitedly and began bouncing in his lap. Sasuke groaned and through his head back in frustration. The bouncing was not helping his focus.

"So this adventure," He started. "We should totally roll-play while where out there finding fun!"

Sasuke rolled his eyes and played along.

"Alright. _What_ should we do?"

"You could be a fugitive on the run and I'm your willing victim." He said suggestively. His eyes lit up as he got more enthusiastic. "Oh! Or it could be the end of the world and we're the only ones left! Or—"

"Shut up and kiss me." Sasuke said.

So Naruto kissed him.

It was wonderful.

"We can worry about the adventure tomorrow." He said, pulling their clothes off. "I'll set the alarm for eight."

Naruto shook his head. "No, nine."

"Nine?" Sasuke asked, his hands wandering down Naruto's chest.

"Yeah." Naruto said through a moan. "You know damn well we're going to keep each other up tonight." Sasuke chuckled.

"Damn straight."

* * *

 

Sakura's wedding was exhausting. Itachi had to keep his brother and his over-enthusiastic boyfriend from sucking each other off under Sakura's dress. He ended up enjoying it, thought. It was fun to play cock-blocker extraordinaire.

Oh, and the wedding was nice, too.

Anyway, looking at Sakura and her creepy ass husband make googly-eyes at each other, as well as Sasuke and Naruto, his parents, _and the whole fucking wedding party and guests_ , it made Itachi realize something. Something he never thought about before so it legitimately caught him off guard.

His own happiness.

It was odd. He didn't have to follow Sasuke around anymore. Sai was gone, everything was calm and everyone he knows is paired off with someone else and living out their dreams. And him? He was a captain without a ship, a rebel without a cause. Honestly? He had no idea what the fuck to do. He hadn't thought this day would come _so soon_. He thought that maybe he had a few more years to prepare for letting go and moving on. It was so sudden and insane—not to mention wonderful and the _stuff made of dreams_ —that it blindsided him. But it was the right thing to do. He should have let Sasuke live how he wanted to a long time ago.

To hear Sasuke say that he appreciated it, well, at least _some_ of it, made his entire _life_. Now he got to sit back and enjoy those two together. There was nothing that could top that.

Anyway, he still was a little sore about it so he got wasted on borrowed booze, called a cab, and passed out on his couch once he got home.

Yeah.

Maybe more than a _little_ sore.

When he woke up, it was mid-afternoon. He wouldn't have to go to work today, since he worked for his father. He thought about sleeping in for the rest of the day, but he was a bit hungry. Food always made everything better. So, with a deep sigh, he pulled himself up and went to the kitchen. He was moving slow breakfast took a lot longer than usual.

Ugh. He wanted to go visit Sasuke.

But his little brother had texted him at like nine in the morning to tell him that he and Naruto were going on an 'adventure' and were not to be bother unless the Emergency Scale was an eight or above. Missing your sibling and/or regretting never branching out to find anyone of your own probably only registered as about a six. Damn. Besides, he doubted they were going anywhere, probably just staying home to fuck each other. He **_did not_** want to bust over there and find them in some crazy position.

A thought struck him. It was about time to get the mail. He had missed yesterday's because he was busy all day and the mailman probably hobbled down the street and delivered more. He had nothing better to do; maybe he would find some coupons in there. Maybe take a class, get his mind off things. So he threw on some clothes, still going as slow as humanly possible, open his front door and faced the light. It _burned_. Kidding. But it was hot as a bitch. He looked in his mailbox, and found nothing. Huh. How odd. That was until his neighbor, Mrs. Havisam, waved him over.

Heh. Her name wasn't really Mrs. Havisam, but he had secretly started calling her such years ago, when he first moved here. Great Expectations had been his favorite book as a child, and she happened to remind him of the character he named her after. She was an old, somewhat wealthy spinster who even had a young, frivolous (and stuck-up) daughter. The girl's name wasn't Estella, though. Well, Itachi _thinks_ her name is not Estella, cause he barely sees her—the rude girl barely visits her mother anymore, shame— because that would be a little _too_ spot on. Even so, aptly named right? Her real name was like, Smith or something.

Whenever he saw her, she always smiled a secret smile at him, one that always made him feel a bit odd. It always seemed like she knew something that he didn't. She was holding a small, brown package, no writing on it or return address, but he could only guess it was for him. She had the habit of picking up his mail when he was away for long periods of time. Although, he had only been gone a day.

"Itachi!" She said with a bright smile. "A package came for you yesterday and you weren't home!"

"Yes, I'm aware of that —Smith." He corrected quickly, looking to see if there was any reaction to what he called her. Nothing. Huh, so Smith _was_ right.

"Yes, yes. Well, here you go. I didn't want to just leave it on your porch, it looked important!"

He took it from her, as well as his other mail, not really paying attention to anything other than the little brown box.

"Do you know where it came from?" He asked, turning the box this way and that.

"No." She said, turning around and seeming to hurry off quickly. "Have fun!" He raised an eyebrow as she shut her door. Odd. She always liked to talk his head off for a full hour before he made an excuse to slip away. He wondered why she walked away from him now. Well, no use in dwelling on it now.

He walked back into his house, melting out of his clothes with ease. He went through the letters: bill, random fan letter, bill, subscription renewal, blah. Nothing of real interest to him. He tossed them haphazardly onto his coffee table. He could get to them later.

He sat down on the couch, using a key to slice down the tape carefully. He pulled open the flaps, finding a little paper there with tiny, cursive letters. He read it lazily.

_Nagato "Pein"_

_The One Who—_

His jerked in surprise when he got to the bottom, feeling the breath leave his body.

_Infinity Hill, Nowhere._

_"_ Holy shit! _"_ He whispered _. This is_ _ **not**_ _happening._

He pulled through the rest of the protective paper, his hands shaking slightly as he pulled out the little doll he was looking for. It was a little orange-haired doll; with tiny…screws in its face? Was that what they were? He had no idea. The little spirally eyes were kind of cool, thought. He jumped and threw it away from him when it _blinked_.

The doll narrowed its eyes and him and sat up.

"Oh fuck." Itachi said, swallowing thickly.

Maybe he wouldn't be so alone now, after all.

* * *

 

Kakashi had the most comfortable chair the world. Seriously, it was a chair that was from _out of this world_ , so he had all the rights to brag about it. He liked for it to be in his study because it was a place he liked to think. About what, you ask? Anything and Everything, the Mysteries of the Universe. Yes, that's right; Angels can ponder the mysteries of the universe too. And he had _a lot_ more time on his hands than humans did, so he'd gotten pretty far in his musings. But he wasn't doing that today. He was looking through his crystal ball.

He had traded a ham sandwich for it from one of the mystic hobos, so it wasn't like he could see the future through it. He just…watched his dolls through it with their significant others. He swore to himself to only look in the early hours of the day so he would catch anyone in a _compromising_ position. It didn't really help things, since usually his new, favorite channel named Sasuke and Naruto were _enthusiastic_ about each other all the _damn_ time. He had to admit; those two crazy kids could really go at it. Anyway, he thought it was a good investment. He couldn't be everywhere at one time, so it was nice to still be able to check in on each one of his precious little _monsters_. Kidding. Not really. Some of them scared him a little.

Speaking of those that scared him, he felt, rather than saw a black-edged portal open up behind him. A single figure stepped out, quiet like a mouse. If Kakashi wasn't able to sense each of his Seekers at all times, he would have never known he was there. Not to mention, only one of his dolls had figured out how to use his portals to get around. They all could do it, he just never really mentioned that to any of them. Heh. It would be a nice surprise it any of the others every figured it out.

"Gaara." He acknowledged, eyes still scanning over the scenes passing through the crystal. Gaara gave a grunt behind him, but said nothing. Kakashi pictured him without turning around; hands stuffed in his pockets, head low—it covered his tattoo now, he needed a haircut—and feet shuffling. Gaara seemed a little nervous. Kakashi smiled. He must have something important—

"I wish to go back." Gaara said. This time, Kakashi _did_ turn around. Gaara stared at him with those startlingly poison-green eyes of his. Kakashi tapped the ball with one finger to turn it off.

"Now you have my full attention." He said. "You wish to go back to Lee?"

Gaara nodded.

"He turned you into an Intangible." Kakashi said calmly. Gaara's eyes narrowed mutely and he shook his head.

"He's changed." Gaara said, voice oozing conviction.

"For now."

"No." Gaara replied stonily. "He's happy now. He…found someone else." Kakashi hummed, standing, and waltzed over to Gaara who didn't move.

"So you've been watching him?" He questioned, though he already knew the answer.

Gaara looked away before answering him. "What else am I supposed to do?"

Kakashi watched him for a moment, considering what to say before he spoke next.

"You are not meant for each other, you know that." Gaara glared at him.

"Yes." He hissed. "I know that. I have no _interest_ in him like that. He still needs to be protected, that's all I want." Kakashi sighed and nodded. _Not anymore, you mean_. He thought silently.

"Until you find your special someone?"

"I don't have a "special someone". You of all _people_ know that." Kakashi rolled his eyes are Gaara's callousness to his own situation. Kakashi knew that wasn't the case and so did Gaara, he just didn't want to believe it; of course Gaara had someone special someone, all of them did. Finding out that he wasn't meant to be with Lee had been…hard for him, but he got through it. Kakashi knew that he had no further ideas of them being together, so what harm could it really do? Except for him turning back into an Intangible again. That was kind of a big consequence. But he was sure Gaara would manage this time around. He was a special case. But Kakashi didn't feel like explaining it to him at the present moment. Everything is for a reason, so he would let Gaara go back, _for now_.

"Fine. You can go back." He said, snapping his fingers. "But if I even _think_ he's starting to show signs of evil again, I am pulling you out. I won't have you go dying again." Gaara rolled his eyes, but gave a little smile in thanks.

"Thank you." He said.

"Really, _don't_ mention it." Kakashi said, deadpan. Gaara let out a tiny laugh and disappeared.

Kakashi sighed and flopped back down into his chair. Dammit. He tapped the ball back on. Now he had so many 'shows' to watch, not to mention all the dolls he had yet to make. He _had_ to check up on his two favorite boys on their road to forever, not to mention Itachi and his new-found 'friend'. He would definitely have to keep a keen eye out for Gaara now too. He didn't even want to think about how his partner-in-crime had left to go—

Oh my! How on earth was he going to keep up with it all? This damn crystal ball didn't have TiVo! All of these things were happening at once! He didn't want to miss a thing! He felt a headache coming on.

"A god's work is _never_ done." He sighed.

**The End…?**

**Well, For Now, FIN.**

**Infinity Hill.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end of the main story! Any chapters uploaded after this are side stories and only one of those is finished (so far!). Look forward to more and a second main story in the sort-of near future!


	8. Extra: Who Made Him Such a Man?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Itachi was used to things coming easy, so he wasn't sure how to deal with this.

**8.**

The little beams of sunlight that slipped through his curtains and landed on his face were trying to ruin Itachi's morning already but he wouldn't let it. This was going to be a good day goddammit. After all, Sasuke invited him out to lunch on his own volition, which wasn't so much of a rarity in itself, but today was going to be just the two of them. That little fact made Itachi want to grin like an idiot. He refrained from doing so, of course, because even in his own bedroom where no one could see him he had appearances to uphold.

Their relationship had improved greatly in the past eight months. They could even be seen in the same place together without some random passerby typing in the first two digits of 9-1-1 and holding their breath just in case. Naruto had a lot to do with that; he was the basically a saint that would accompany them anywhere they had to go together and step in when they disagreed too much and their words became sharp and cold. Itachi wasn't so much of a fool to think everything would magically fix itself and he and Sasuke would skip through flower fields together. He realized that, yes, it was his fault. Sort of. Maybe. Sasuke _**had**_ been a Grade A dick.

(Hmm. Pot, Kettle.)

At least their estrangement hadn't been so complete and they made it to this point. He could have light-hearted banter with his little brother again, and talk shit about stranger's terrible outfits while their mother forced them to come with her for an impromptu shopping trip.

Itachi stretched and made his way to the bathroom. After a lengthy shower and another twenty minutes of drying and brushing his hair – hey, it takes time and effort to look as good as he does on a daily basis. His hair is like silk by the end of his routine, so shut up – he made his way downstairs to the kitchen, where the smell of bacon and eggs floated about.

And no, it wasn't his mother that was making breakfast. He's a grown ass man for god's sake. It was his living beany baby, just so you know. (Don't tell him he called him that, please.) Yes, Pein was such a Suzy homemaker. Itachi discovered this after he pani— _was rightfully wary_ of a moving, heavily pierced, magic soul doll that was apparently his. Pein had wisely not mentioned Itachi throwing him across the room and into the wall and instead just got up, did his little sailor moon transformation, and introduced himself. After Itachi learned to breathe again, he learned that this so called Nagato liked to be called Pein instead—because of some sort of mix up? Itachi never got the full story out of him and it wasn't like there was a 9 and 3/4 **th** platform for Infinity Hill for him to go and ask questions –and seriously disapproved of him eating hot pockets for lunch. Seriously, that was the first thing he said to him when he took human form. Not, "let's be friends." or "Nice to meet you, master." No, it was more along the lines of, "My survival depends on you for the time being and I will not allow you to poison yourself with ridiculous amounts of sodium."

(Didn't Sasuke say something about the magic soul dolls – excuse him, _Seekers_ — being a reflection of who you wanted to be inside? So Itachi really wanted to be….himself? Tsk.)

Itachi liked his hot pockets, alright? But he didn't argue when Pein said he'd take over the cooking and some of the cleaning in the house, now that he was going to be living here indefinitely, of course.

And so, a beautiful relationship was born.

Sort of. Maybe.

Anyway, breakfast was on the table when Itachi arrived, his place set perfectly like Pein had gone to culinary school before arriving on his doorstep. He was very confused about how all this worked still and had no idea how he'd gotten so good at cooking when he supposedly didn't exist before, but whatever, he wouldn't question it. After all, he got good food and a clean house for free. Nothing better than that.

"Your father called." He said the minute Itachi fell into his chair in the marvelous deep voice of his. Now, let's be clear, Itachi doesn't swoon, but anytime Pein spoke he came as close as he possibly could to doing so.

He'd also acquired a free secretary, it seemed. Things were looking up.

"Hmm," he hummed, "What about?"

Pein looked uncomfortable for a moment, like he was choosing his next words very carefully. "He wants you to meet with one of the partner's sons. He said to be very interested in you."

Son of a bitch.

(Sorry, grandmother.)

Oh yes, did I forget to mention that, since apparently everyone had given up hope of Itachi and Pein becoming a _thing_ —so what if it had been eight months? Itachi liked to take things slowly in relationships. So what if this relationship wasn't moving _at all_? — His mother and father became annoying nags that tried to hook him up with every moderately decent looking man that existed?

Don't get him wrong, it was almost cute the way they tried and how much they wanted him to be happy. He was also surprised his father would say such a thing. He knows that he long since accepted that his sons were gay, but actually going out of his way to try to get him a boyfriend? Such wonderful progress from dear old dad. His mother was, well, his mother. She'd probably host mixer parties for the devil if it meant he'd fall in love.

Still, there were lines and they'd both crossed it long ago.

(Pot, Kettle, once again.)

"Ah. Anything else?" he asked with a roll of his eyes. Pein gave him a small smile and shook his head.

"Alright. As you know, I'll be out for the afternoon. You have my number and you are free to call me if there's anything you need."

"With Sasuke, correct?"

"Yes." Itachi nodded.

"Will Naruto be coming with you?"

Itachi raised an eyebrow. "No, not today, I'm afraid." Pein looked hopeful.

"Then would it be alright if he came over and spent the day with me?"

Was he jealous that Pein and Naruto had hit it off right away and had a close, sibling-like relationship and spent so much time together? Violently. But he'd never mention it to Pein. Or Naruto, for that matter.

"Of course. You can do whatever you wish, Pein. It's your home, too."

Pein gave him a dazzling smile which made Itachi almost-swoon again. Itachi smiled back weakly, trying his best to pretend like he didn't want to climb him like a tree. What had his life become, when he couldn't have someone he desired by just snapping his fingers? A tragedy, obviously. Pein showed no romantic inclination towards him in these long months whatsoever. It seemed he just wanted to be…. _friends_. Magically bound bro-soul mate friends, but friends nonetheless. It served Itachi right, after the way he acted for years, to be in lo—very fond of someone that didn't think of him that way at all.

Or maybe he did and they'd get together and Itachi would ruin everything like he always does. Maybe he was afraid to attempt anything because he actually wanted this to be _something_ and didn't want it to end in catastrophe. For once in his life he was scared to try.

He'll get the courage one day.

But today was not that day.

"Yes, I'm aware. Thank you, anyway."

"Hmm, you're welcome." Itachi said distractedly. He missed the look Pein sent him. Itachi grabbed his coat and scarf, dreading the February air that would no doubt smack him in the face as soon as he stepped outside.

He turned to Pein before he stepped out the door. "Alright, I should get going. I'll have to stop by the office before I meet with Sasuke so—"

Before he got any further, Pein stepped forward and gave him a tight hug. It shouldn't have surprised him, because he does it every time Itachi leaves the house for some unknown reason. It was a weird ritual they did that he had to pretend like he didn't enjoy immensely. Itachi still jumped slightly and breathed heavily through his nose.

Oh, the arm muscles. That broad, defined chest. He even smells of warm vanilla for no explainable reason whatsoever. All. The Time.

Lord help him.

Itachi tried to pull away quickly but Pein just locks his arm tighter. Its moments like these that Itachi can appreciate that Pein is slightly bigger than him, and taller. God, how easy it would be to just shift a bit and get things going—

Ahem.

"You seem a distracted, Itachi, drive safely, please."

"Yes, of course. I will."

Pein nodded and finally let him go. Once again, he had a look on his face that Itachi couldn't quite place. But instead of saying anything else he just nodded and disappeared down the hall.

Itachi was left to stand there, alone, trying to will down his hard-on. He thought of Sai.

That made it disappear completely. The only method that was 100% fool-proof.

* * *

"So," Sasuke said, making a show of stirring his coffee. He stared at Itachi with knowing eyes. "How are things?"

Itachi fought the urge to pout. Hanging out with Sasuke regularly again caused him to become such a child. He sucked his teeth instead. Much more mature.

"Things are….fine." he mumbled. Sasuke laughed outright at him. If he didn't feel like he was being made fun of he would marvel at the beautiful sight.

"Oh? You mean that you don't still have blue balls the size of Neptune and cry yourself to sleep at night over how beautiful Pein is?"

"Excuse me, absolutely not. " Itachi protested, feeling a traitorous twinge of embarrassment deep in his chest. "At least, it's not _**that**_ bad."

"So you admit it's bad?"

Itachi sighed, resigned. "Yes."

Sasuke sobered, obviously taking pity on him. At least his little brother didn't find enjoyment from his misery anymore. They would never stop being typical siblings though; they would always take an opportunity to laugh at each other's bad fortune.

"You didn't take my advice, then." Sasuke said from behind his mug.

"I'm not going to tell him that it is part of his job to give me naked back rubs, Sasuke." He said before realizing they were in public and people might be able to hear them. All he needed was a front page story about the Uchiha boys talking about foreplay in a little café uptown.

Sasuke pressed his lips together tightly and the corners of his eyes crinkled, which after years and years of seeing that face , Itachi knew that he was fighting back from laughing hysterically.

"If you're going to mock me all day I'm leaving." He said, slowly rising.

Sasuke huffed. "Oh, stop being dramatic." When Itachi still went to grab his coat, he tugged at his shirt sleeve. "Sit, sit, you baby."

Itachi narrowed his eyes and Sasuke widened his innocently. "Come on, you have to admit this is pretty funny."

"Maybe from where you're sitting."

"Oh, _especially_ where I'm sitting. My brother, the great and powerful Itachi, is _nervous_." He drawled.

"I'm not—"

Sasuke waved him off. "Fine, not nervous, maybe the word is…scared? Acting like a little bitch? Take your pick."

Itachi felt his hackles rising. "It's not—"

"—like that? Oh, it _sure_ is. You like someone, _seriously_ like someone for the first time in a long time and you don't know what to do about it. Completely disregarding the fact that he's totally your soul mate and all you have to do is tell him to _assume the position_ and he'll probably have already tied himself to the bed."

"Sasuke, please, for the love of God, lower your voice." Itachi said, dropping his face in his hands.

Sasuke laughed again. " _That's_ the only thing you're worried about? Oh my god, I can't believe I thought you to be invincible my whole life. All it takes to defeat you is a guy with a voice like butter and railroad spikes in his face. Also, _you_ want to be tied to the bed? I did not think you wanted to bottom. Very interesting."

"Who said I wanted to—wait, did you just admit to admiring me?" Itachi said with a smirk.

Sasuke blushed faintly. " **Nuh-uh** , do not change the subject."

Itachi chucked. "Fine, fine." He said. "Your right. If you have any legitimate advice I'm open to listening." Sasuke nodded and gave him a brilliant smile.

"Damn right you are. Now, listen to me and listen to me closely…."

Itachi was going to wholly and truly regret this, he knew, but watching Sasuke's eyes shine and his lips quirk while he explained his master plan beat out even the loudest warning bells that rang inside his head.

Plotting together? Ah, how he'd missed this.

* * *

_**Step one: Ask him on a date.** _

* * *

Itachi gave him the driest stare he could muster. "You cannot be serious." Sasuke scoffed.

"What, did you think I'd tell you to travel to the highest mountain top and collect rare space dust as a token of your love? Come on now, Itachi, while I'm certain you can afford to do just that, I'm giving you practical advice."

Itachi sighed. "Fine. Go on." Sasuke nodded, triumphant.

"Good. Anyway, get your head out of your ass and ask him out on a not-really date."

"A _not really_ date?"

"An outing, a friendly get-together. Don't take him to dinner or something obviously romantic. Warm him up to the idea of going in public with you. Take him to the park, go feed some ducks."

That's exactly what Itachi decided to do.

After psyching himself up for about a day and a half.

What could possibly go wrong? (Don't answer that.) If Pein didn't like spending the day with him, then they would go back to the weird, tension filled life they'd been living before. Itachi would never bring it up again. Easy.

"Pein," He began over breakfast, "Would you like to go…out today? To the park, perhaps?"

Pein's head jerked up from his plate, lips parting.

Itachi blinked and waited.

It seemed he needed to collect himself of a few moments. "Yes, of course. I would love to. Are you not busy today? Will it be just the two of us? What do I need to bring?"

Ah. Maybe this will be easier than he thought. Of course Pein would jump at the chance to get out of the house. All he usually did was visit Naruto or Itachi's parents so his mother could fawn over him.

"Nothing. I already have bread, there's nothing else we really need."

Pein looked confused. Itachi should not think another grown man was adorable, but he couldn't help it.

"Is…the bread for us to eat later? I can make sandwiches if you are not in a rush—"He said.

Itachi fought the urge to roll his eyes. "We're to feed the ducks with it."

Pein just blinked at him.

"It's what people do when they go to the park, they feed ducks. With bread."

"….Alright."

They were off to a good start.

* * *

҉ Who Made Him Such a Man? ҉

* * *

Pein did not like ducks.

In fact, he kicked a duck.

Let's rewind a bit, shall we?

The date-not-date was going great. It was a beautiful day, not too cool and the sun was shining. They walked closely with their heads together, talking in low tones about whatever caught Pein's eye. Itachi was over the moon. It was easier to have a conversation when he didn't have to start it. Contrary to popular belief, Itachi didn't avoid talking to people because he hated them. Most of the time he had nothing in common with them and had no idea what to say. Well, he hated people on top of that too but that's a story for another day.

Anyway, Pein would lean into him when he saw an interesting bird and wanted to know the name of "that animal over there", and Itachi would happily oblige. He wasn't going to risk attempting holding his hand, because that would clearly push this not-date into a yeah-this-is-a-date. He did, however, _**gently**_ guide him by the arm around the nice little stone path whenever he'd get too distracted by all the new sights and wonders.

(Itachi silently thanked Sasuke for the idea and was still on the fence about thanking him in person.)

(The date wasn't over after all)

He was glad he held out.

Itachi was a fool for going by the water. This park was known for having overly aggressive ducks. There was one, nicknamed Teeth by the locals because he would chase children and bite the hell out of them for not feeding him quick enough. Itachi always figured he might have the taste for human flesh now after all these years and went straight for squishy little kids, bypassing the bread completely. Odder still, Itachi never had a problem with old Teeth. Maybe it was his no nonsense face or imposing stature, but the duck never tried to attack him and waited his turn to be fed whenever Itachi came around. He figured this day would be no different.

He was wrong.

Teeth took one look at Itachi's Ziploc baggie of whole wheat—white bread was so disgusting that Itachi wouldn't even give it to random birds. Only the best for his avian friends— and made a mad dash towards him, letting out a startling honk as he came. Itachi would be lying if he said he didn't jump slightly and take a step back. He was about to turn to tell Pein that it was alright and there was nothing to be worried about, when Pein took a decisive step in front of him and _punted the elderly duck_ hard enough that Teeth was sent back into the water.

"Good lord!" Itachi exclaimed, clutching his hand to his chest. He looked around wildly, hoping no one saw what just happened. The park was pretty empty when they came anyway, so there was no one around. He could breathe easy about witnesses, but now he had to deal with the matter at hand.

Teeth shook himself, apparently uninjured, and made his way back to depths of the lake from which he came. Even for a tough bird like him getting bread wasn't worth all that.

Pein had the nerve to look embarrassed, hanging his head and shuffling his feet.

"Its teeth looked sharp. I was…alarmed." He said.

Itachi raised an eyebrow. "Yes. I'm aware."

They stared at each other in silence.

"We should probably go."

"Definitely."

Step one, Success?

* * *

"So," Sasuke drawled over the phone, "How did it go?"

Itachi pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. After getting back from the park, Pein had retreated to his room without another word, apparently so ashamed of himself that he couldn't look Itachi in the eye. Itachi then went to the kitchen for his promised progress report, but now that he was on the phone he couldn't find the words.

"Itachi?" Sasuke questioned.

"I'm here."

Sasuke scoffed. "Then answer my question."

"It…went." He could swear he heard his little brother rolling his eyes.

"What did you do?"

Itachi made a noise of protest in the back of his throat. " _ **I**_ didn't do anything! Why must I automatically be to blame?!"

"Then explain!"

"…."

"You're not saying anything, so it must be your fault."

"That's not—" Just say it, dammit!

"Just say it!"

"He assaulted a small, woodland animal Sasuke! What am I supposed to make of that?"

Do ducks count as woodland animals? Not the point.

Loud, raucous laughter that was clearly not his brother's filled the ear piece and he heard a scuffle ensue before Sasuke's voice came back.

"Let go, Naruto!"

Sonovabi—"You told _Naruto_ _ **?**_ " Itachi fumed. Little bastard couldn't keep a secret to save his life.

Sasuke tsk'd. "For one, of course I would tell him. Secondly, he knew anyway. Pein keeps him updated on everything you guys do via text updates every ten minutes. It's pretty annoying actually—ow!"

"Hey, man!" Naruto said, smile evident in his voice. Itachi couldn't help but smile back, even though he couldn't see him.

"Hello, Naruto, and how are you? Enjoying my torment as well?"

Naruto sniggered. "Not really, it's like, adorably sad, yanno?"

Itachi twitched.

"But yeah, Pein told me he thought he ruined your date—"

"He called it a date?" Itachi asked, hopeful.

"Well, no, he said _outing_ —"

Dammit.

"—but I figured it was a date, so…"

"I wouldn't say he _ruined_ it. It ended awkwardly but it was still a nice _outing_." He gritted out that last part.

"Ok, cool! I'll tell him."

"Wait—"

"He's gone." Sasuke said, obviously taking the phone back. "Alright, since I'll technically count step one to be a success, would you like to start step two?"

"Probably not, but let's go for it."

"Okay then—"

"Hold on a minute, Sasuke." He said. Pein ran, well, power walked into the kitchen with wide eyes. "Yes, Pein? What is it?"

Pein was holding up his phone triumphantly, not quite out of breath, but he'd obviously made his way downstairs quickly. Itachi raised an eyebrow at his slight, almost giddy smile.

"You had a good time today? Yes?" He asked.

Itachi sighed. "I take it Naruto told you that just now?"

Pein looked a bit confused. "Was that not right for him to do?"

"No…it's fine. Yes, I had a nice time today." He said quickly. "With you. I had a nice day with you." Smooth.

"Good!" He said. He seemed to have to get control of himself before he spoke again. "That is good. That you enjoyed spending time with me."

"Yes. Yes it is." Itachi finished lamely.

They kept nodding to each other for the next few minutes until Pein's phone buzzed again. He did an about face and tapped away on his phone rapidly before disappearing down the hall.

Itachi knew he had the dumbest smile on his face at the moment but he couldn't bring himself to care. There was no one that would see him right now anyway.

"God, you guys are so gross." Sasuke said. Itachi had forgotten he was on the phone with him.

"When did you become such a dweeb?" He asked.

"Dweeb, Sasuke? You're nearly thirty."

"It fits. ' _With you, I had a good day with you_ _ **!'**_  Charming." He mocked.

"Shut up." Itachi said. That display was terrible, he could admit. That didn't mean he wanted Sasuke teasing him about it.

"Don't worry brother, that's why I'm here. I'll fix your failures."

"Wonderful." He responded, deadpan.

"Of course. Now, onto step two…"

* * *

Step Two: _**Find Out How He Feels About Romance**_

* * *

"What." Itachi said, thumb hovering over the "end call" button.

"Hear me out, okay?"

"What does that even mean, Sasuke? Honestly."

"Look," Sasuke said flatly, obviously getting tired of Itachi interrupting him. "What if he doesn't even have a _deal_?"

"What, what deal?"

"We've been under the impression that he's just like Naruto, right? But all of them are supposed to be different. He might not even like romance or sex or _anything_ really. You might just have to ask."

Itachi went to speak but Sasuke cut him off. "But you'll never do anything simply and find a roundabout way of getting this done, right?"

"….right."

"Alright, keep me posted then."

A few days later, he decided they'd watch a movie. About romance. Because that's the best he could come up with.

Yeah.

Don't get him wrong, there was a method to his madness. He would go through the movie normally, slowly moving closer and closer to him until they were almost touching, then make an offhanded comment about love and whatnot and see how Pein reacted to it. See? He had it all under control.

Yeah. Sure.

Fast forward a few hours to the both of the relaxed on the couch—with the popcorn bowl strategically placed in between them. It was to deter Itachi from climbing into his lap and embarrassing himself—Itachi had his arm behind his head, debating on whether he should try and put his arm around Pein "subtly", while Pein leaned on the side of the couch but seemed to be watching the movie with rapt attention. He picked the movie on Netflix and barely took his eyes off it. Even as Itachi shifted constantly from nervous energy.

Itachi wasn't sure what movie this was and barely knew what it was about. He kept watching Pein out of the corner of his eyes and attempted to eat popcorn as sexily as possible. Which was not at all. All it took was a handful falling down the front of his shirt to put a stop to that.

God, he _was_ a dweeb. When had that happened?

Soon came the type of scene he was looking for. The main characters, two men that were serial murderers in love, were talking about whether they should stay together in city or leave and save themselves from being caught. There was plenty of emotion and good acting and it was probably a great movie if Itachi would have paid it any attention. Itachi took this opportunity to sigh longingly and (hopefully) he looked wistful in the darkness.

"Is everything alright?" Pein questioned, barely looking away from the television screen.

"Yes, yes. I'm alright." Itachi replied. "I was just thinking that must be nice, to have that."

Pein regarded him fully, baffled. "To be able to murder for sport?"

Itachi should have picked the movie.

He cleared his throat. "No, I meant the togetherness. Having someone that accepts you for who you are and loves you regardless of circumstances. This wasn't the best example of what I mean but—"

Ooh. Graphic sex scene.

Itachi trailed off, waving his hand in dismissal and hoping Pein got the point. He turned his head back to the screen. Pein watched him for a few more moments with an odd look and then went back to the TV. He raised an eyebrow at the images being shown there.

Turns out it was a long, graphic sex scene and Itachi began to shift uncomfortably. Oh, how'd he like to do what those two were doing right now. Well, there _was_ only a popcorn bowl in his way. All he would have to do was—

"And this too?" Pein asked.

"Hmm, what?" Itachi said distractedly, still caught up in his fantasies.

"Would you like to have this too?" he asked lowly, gesturing at the screen.

He was now at full attention.

Pein held his gaze steadily, giving away no inkling of the thoughts behind his spiraled gaze. This went in a totally different direction than he expected. Was that…suggestive? He had no idea.

Why was Pein the only person he can never read!

(Probably because he's not a person, Itachi.)

How should he answer? _Certainly, with you of course_ _ **,**_ or _w_ _ell why not! I'm always up for getting my whistle wet_.

"Yes, it's been a while since I was with anyone…in either way, I mean." He said instead.

Pein nodded sagely, like he'd just figured out a great mystery, and then turned his head back to the movie.

"What about you?" Itachi asked before losing his nerve. "Would you ever like to be in a relationship?"

Pein didn't answer right away. His face was odd and…closed off? "I would love an opportunity to make someone precious feel loved every day of their life. Truthfully, it's all that I wish for." He looked like he wanted to add more, but didn't.

"Good answer." Itachi said after a few moments.

Pein nodded and said nothing more.

Nothing else was said for the rest of the evening besides their goodnights.

Itachi resisted calling Sasuke immediately and decided he'd wait until morning.

He was definitely on the fence about step two's success.

* * *

 

"Did he look at you when he said someone special, or did he look off into the distance all mysterious? Because Pein didn't text me like he usually would so I need the deets. " Naruto asked, pointing his fork at him.

"Does it matter, Naruto? He said _someone precious_. That translates to "Not Itachi." Sasuke said, waving him off, "Plus, eye contact wouldn't count since they were the only ones in the room and it's rude not to look someone in the eye when speaking to them."

Itachi sighed and took a bite of his cookie so he could delay answering. It was Sunday brunch at his parents house, which they were all required by law to attend. A law drawn up and passed by their mother. Pein and his father were out on some errand so the boys were free to chat about his disasters all they wanted. He had steeled himself before coming because he knew he'd be grilled mercilessly when the time came, but it hadn't worked well. Naruto and Sasuke couldn't agree on anything so he might as well chalk last night up to be failure. For now, at least.

"It does not! Did you think he would come out and say, 'Hey Itachi, while we're on the subject I think your hot like burning and I want to make you the happiest man to ever live' just like that?" Naruto exclaimed. "You didn't!"

"That's was different!" Sasuke protested.

"How?"

"Well…"

"Oh please, if I hadn't made a move, we probably wouldn't be having this conversation! You would have fumbled around and pretended like you didn't get hard every time I came into the room until you died of a blood clot in your balls or something!"

"Hey—!"

"While I love to hear about Sasuke's shortcomings, can we come back to the subject of me?" Itachi interjected.

Sasuke grumbled and crossed his arms while Naruto laughed.

"Don't pout, Sasuke. It's unbecoming." Itachi chided.

" _It's unbecoming Sasuk_ e." Sasuke mocked in a high-pitched voice.

"You're such a child." Itachi said with a sneer and a roll of his eyes.

"You two are so adorable I can't take it." Naruto said, smiling brightly. They both turned to him to protest but their mother entered the room.

"What are my favorite boys talking about?" She asked, carrying freshly made sandwiches. Sasuke made grabby hands towards the tray while Itachi could wait his turn like a big boy.

Sasuke must have heard his mental jab because he narrowed his eyes at him.

"Itachi's love life!" Naruto piped up.

" _Naruto_." Itachi groaned.

"His _nonexistent_ love life, you mean." Sasuke added nastily, earning an elbow in the side from his beau and a _tsk_ from his mother.

"Don't be rude." They said in unison.

It was creepy how they did that more often than not, these days.

"My sweet boy," She began. Great, they got her started. Wonderful. "Have you still not told Pein that you're into him?"

"Please don't say it like that but no I have not."

She smiled tightly. "Is there any reason why not?" Excuse him, he's not a child anymore. He will not sit here and be lectured by his mother just because she doesn't have another cute relationship one of her sons is in to lord over her friends. No matter how good the cookies and sandwiches are he will not stand for this!

"Maybe I don't feel the need to rush, Mother." He griped.

Mikoto regarded him quietly, tapping her talons on the back of his chair. Her eyes were narrow, which was never a good sign, and she had a slight curl in her upper lip. Uh oh. Here it comes—

"You're being a bitch-baby, Itachi." She said coolly.

Sasuke choked out a strangled. "Mother!" as Naruto put his balled fist to his mouth, most likely to keep from laughing.

" _ **Excuse me**_?"

"Sweetheart, I love you, and I've never known you to act like a bitch-baby," and the hits keep coming! "So I'd very much like for you to stop."

"This is the best day of my life." Sasuke said, raising his hands up like he was about to be raptured.

"Shut up." Itachi hissed. "Mother, honestly—"

"Time is of the essence, dear, and you should have told me you were still pursuing Pein. I thought you'd given up long ago! If I'd known I would have told your father not to bring that nice young man over today to meet you!"

"What?!"

"Drama bomb." Naruto mumbled.

"He's a cook that's worked with the company before. His name is Kisame. I think you meet him once—"

"Mother, why do you continue to do these things when I've asked you time and time again not—"

She continued on like she hadn't heard him. "He's had his own business for five years, he hasn't been with many people as far as I know, and he's tall and reliable—"

"Are you trying to get me to like him or sell me a car?" He hissed. Then, something dawned on him. "Oh my god, you sent Pein with Father to go pick him up!?"

She had the nerve to look guilty. "You know your father doesn't like to drive with his glasses even though he needs them so I thought I'd send someone...to….ride with him." She trailed off slowly. "That was my bad."

"You think?!" That settles it, he's going to move to the other end of the earth and live as a hermit. He'd tell no one where he's going and start growing his own carrots. His family was too much to deal with on a good day and this just turned into a very bad one.

"Ok, ok, everyone chill out for a second.' Naruto said. He was doing a little nervous bouncing and kept sending looks out the window. "They're gonna be here in like, five minutes cause I can hear the car."

" _ **Wonderful**_." Itachi said, throwing his hands up in defeat.

Sasuke huffed. "It…might not be so bad, Itachi— don't look at me like that I'm just trying to make you feel better."

Itachi stopped trying to kill him with a glare and closed his eyes. He could do this. He's handled worse. Not much worse, but worse. He'd get through this lunch, like every other bad lunch he's ever had—

What was with this family and train wreck lunches?

-and he'd explain to this guy later on that he wasn't interested and go back to business as usual.

Piece of cake.

He did it. He managed just like he knew he could.

Yes, it was painfully awkward. Especially when Pein was apparently introduced as Naruto's cousin in the car before they arrived to explained why he was at a family brunch.

(It was sort of true? Maybe? There wasn't any reason why they _**couldn't**_ be somehow related, technically.)

Which caused Pein's face to become stormy and Naruto to teeter nervously and Sasuke to click his tongue and Kisame to look around at all of them, confused as to why they all reacted so differently to what seemed like a simple statement.

He did seem like a nice guy, but Itachi wasn't looking to date him right now. Maybe if Pein flat out said he wanted nothing to do with him and there was no chance for anything to happen between them he'd keep him on retainer. That seemed cruel though. He didn't want to be an asshole or treat Kisame like a silver medal. This was just a mess.

He didn't remember much from the lunch. He answered any questions he was asked and responded when spoken to, but he just wasn't all there.

When It was time to leave, Itachi ended up with two Tupperware tubs of food from his mother as an apology—which partly worked but he was still a little angry with her—an understanding pat on the shoulder from his father--who had been filled in by with a text under the table--a grimace and shrug from Naruto, Kisame's number, and pursed lips from an unhappy Sasuke that told him to collect himself and call him in the morning.

(This must have been what Sasuke felt every time Itachi would butt into his business and potentially ruin things for him. He _understood so much now, my god_ )

They didn't even get to step three.

Pein hadn't said a word to him in hours and now it was nearly evening. He even seemed to be cooking dinner irritably, slamming down the knife harder than necessary to chop onions. He was clearly angry, but at what? Did Pein actually feel something for him after all? Did he not like being called "just the cousin"? Or, did he just not think Kisame was right for Itachi and not like that his parents tried to pair him up with someone again since he knew things like that bothered him?

It was eating him up and he had to know.

He inched into the kitchen slowly, shuffling his feet. Pein didn't look up as he entered and just chopped harder.

"Pein—"He barely got his name out before Pein slammed the knife down and whirled on him.

"I know you are used to doing whatever you wish, Itachi, but I would have at least hoped you respected my feelings enough to spare me from that…double date your parents set you up on."

Huh. "What? Your feelings?"

Pein rolled his eyes and groaned. "Yes. My _feelings_ for you. The feelings I have for you."

Itachi was shocked into silence for only a moment. "You have…feelings for me?"

Pein looked at him like he lost his mind. "I would think so; I've been courting you for months!"

Pause.

Did he just say courting?

He'd have to talk to Sasuke about why all of the magic beany babies talk like they come straight out of Macbeth.

But not right now. Back to the task at hand, Itachi. Be cool about this.

"That's ridiculous. No you haven't." he scoffed.

Cool as a cucumber.

"Of course I have! I make meals for you every day, I run baths for you, take care of all of your needs so you'll be comfortable. We read together, we go on outings together, I even send you off and welcome you back with a warm greeting as I am supposed to. I don't know how much more obvious I could get!" Pein shouted, looking surprised at himself for raising his voice.

And Itachi just stood there, dumbstruck.

_**Had**_ he been obvious?

Thinking back on it, maybe a teeny, tiny bit.

Those hugs he gave him did usually end with Pein's hands on his hips and his face buried in his neck. Annnd he would run his fingers through his hair or rub his back. Not to mention the way Pein smiled whenever Itachi told him he liked his food. He even tucked him in a few times when he came home drunk and stayed with him when he couldn't sleep.

Holy shit he'd been courting him.

Maybe not in the way someone else would consider going about it, but Pein wasn't someone else. He probably didn't even know how to flirt. Itachi was so wrapped up in himself he hadn't even noticed him being "obvious."

Goddammit! He could have been all over him months ago!

"Do you have anything to say at all?" Pein asked, arms crossed. "All you have to do is tell me to leave you be, and I will. I won't say anything else about—"

Itachi panicked for maybe the second time in his life and acted impulsively, rushes forward and kissing him square on the mouth.

Pein was prepared for him and threaded a large, warm hand through his hair and wound the other tightly around his waist. Itachi nearly melted. Pein led them to the wall and pushed him up against it. Pein's hand wandered and went to his leg to pull it up around his waist.

Lord, what had his life become? He was getting felt up by an animorph. A very handsome animorph. He really wasn't complaining.

Itachi pulled away for a moment to say what he felt he needed to. "That's not what I want. I don't want you to leave me alone, I want—"

"I understand." Pein interjected. "I understand and I'm going to take you to bed. Is that alright?"

There weren't enough words in the English language to express how much that was alright, so he settled with a simple yes.

* * *

 

The little beams of sunlight that slipped through his curtains and landed on his face were trying to ruin Itachi's morning already but he wouldn't let it. This was going to be a good day goddammit. After all, Pein was wrapped around him like a ribbon and he got the ride of his life last night. Oh, the beauty of cleared up misunderstandings.

His father would have to understand why he wasn't coming into work today. Kisame would have to understand why he wouldn't call. He's cute, he'll find someone else. Itachi didn't want to think of them right now, all the wanted was to snuggle back in and see how much "accidental" butt wiggling it took to get Pein ready to go for round four.

Before he got the chance, his phone buzzed. Careful not to wake Pein up, he reached onto the nightstand and picked it up. All it read was a:

_Did it work?_ From Sasuke.

He quickly tapped back: "Did what work?"

Itachi raised his eyebrows and checked behind him to make sure Pein was still asleep. "What the hell was step three?"

_We figured we'd fake set you up with someone and see how Pein reacted to it_ He could hear Sasuke evil chuckle from here. _Sorry I didn't tell you, but we were all in on this one_. _He's been into you just as long as you've been into him if you didn't know, and he did just what we thought he would. So, did you guys talk about your feelings at least?_

Itachi wished he was surprised, he really did.

Sasuke should suffer a bit for his deception, though. "It was hard to talk with his dick down my throat."

He didn't get a response immediately this time.

_NO!_

_GOODBYE_

_I HATE YOU_

Itachi laughed. "Serves you right, you little shit." He whispered.

He smiled, surprised when he got a genuine _I_ _'m happy for you, though._ A few seconds later.

Pein stirred, grumbling in his sleep. Itachi rolled over and settled in his arms.

"Everything alright?" Pein mumbled into his hair.

"Yes," Itachi said. "Everything is perfect."

* * *

They decided to try their first date again, a few weeks later, hopefully with less duck-kicking. Pein was still hopelessly embarrassed about that, so Itachi made sure to bring it up every chance he got.

He stopped teasing him with Pein gently took his hand as they walked the path, though, too pleased to say anything else.

It was a nice March day, unusually warm for this time of year, and many people were out with their kids and dogs. He knew eventually someone would recognize him eventually and maybe snap a picture or two. He couldn't wait to see what the papers would say about his "punk rocker" boyfriend that had cool contacts. No one would believe that they were real.

He really wasn't completely who he used to be if he didn't care what people would say about him or how he looked to everyone else. He was happy and that was great. Maybe he didn't have to worry endlessly or control everything that went on. Maybe he could just let things happen as they do and it will all turn out ok—

Pein stopped walking and cleared his throat.

"This should be a good place." He said quietly to himself.

"What?" Itachi asked.

Pein stood up on a picnic table and began to speak. "Excuse me, people of the park!"

"What are you doing?" Itachi hissed, tugging at his sleeve.

Pein smiled down at him and shook his hand off. "Don't worry. I have to do this. I'm going to publicly state my intention towards you. Naruto said I'm to do this if I want people to respect our relationship."

"What?!" That little fucking—

"My name is Pein and this is Itachi. We are lovers. I am in love with him and he shares those feelings." He stated with a smile. Oh god. "We have been intimate and I plan to make him the happiest man on the face of this earth. I hope you all can be happy for us. Thank you for your time!"

Itachi dropped his head in his hands, defeated. People around them began to mutter.

"Who the hell..."

"…Is that Itachi _**Uchiha**_?"

Time to go.

"Get down." Itachi whispered fiercely. Pein stepped down, his smile weakening.

"Did I not do it correctly?" he asked.

"No, no, it was fine. Let's go."

"I thought—"

"Just come on."

So, Sasuke got him back for that dick comment huh? Two can play that game.

Catcalls and whistles followed them all the way back to the car but Itachi held his head high and stomped forward. Pein stopped him before getting in the car, catching his door before Itachi closed it.

"Hmm?" Itachi murmured. Pein lifted up his chin and looked him in the eyes.

"Itachi," he said, "I love you."

Warmth filled him. Oh fuck it, he was embarrassed, but he'd live. Hearing those words meant more to him than anything.

"I love you,too." He said back.

They stared into each other's eyes for the longest moment, neither willing to look away. Itachi's phone rang and he answered it without taking his eyes off Pein.

How stupid.

His father's voice filled the earpiece.

"Would you like to tell me why my business partner says your boyfriend announced that you two have been _intimate_ in a park filled with small children?"

He was going to kill his brother, and his little dog too.


End file.
